penumbra

Chap. 2 - We Know

By the time Hongjoong had managed to calm down and go back to sleep, the pitch black sky was timidly showing a grayish purple hue as an announcement of the sun finally starting to rise. Seonghwa heard birds chirping and watched as the street lights turned off and the sun rays cut through the leafless trees to add orange to the mild layer of fresh fallen snow on the ground. He still held onto Hongjoong, the younger having gone completely limp in his arms after he was rid of his night terror. The blonde was tense and breathed slowly, bothered by the way the dried tears on his cheeks were starting to itch - and he couldn't scratch or clean them because he didn't want to let go. He was scared that if he did, Hongjoong would start crying again, but Seonghwa knew he didn't have a choice. He'd miss the first class if he didn't move.

So he let go. As slowly as possible as to not let any room for the mere possibility of the raven-haired waking up.

Seonghwa stared at his fast asleep friend for a couple of minutes. His milky white face was serene, eyebrows relaxed, eyelids closed but not squeezed together, lips slightly parted... He seemed so peaceful now, but the older couldn't help but worry that that would crumble at any second. Nevertheless, he had to go.

Sleep deprived and still processing Hongjoong's episode, he took a shower in a dense daze, consequently making him take longer than what he had planned to be able to arrive in time for the first class.

Fuck the first class.

He didn't care anymore and was in full on autopilot mode, putting on his clothes, grabbing his bag and making his way to the door to put on his shoes. Seonghwa threw just one last glance at the one sprawled on his couch: sound asleep. Good. He could go now.

The day went by so, so slowly, and everything always seemed kind of blurry, like in a dreamlike state. Just barely there, barely real. He slept through most of his classes without an ounce of remorse, and even when he wasn't actually asleep he hid his face with his head laying on his forearms on the table. The blonde couldn't keep his eyes open for too long, they were heavy and hurting, the light only worsening it. He must've looked pretty goddamn awful, because Siwoo actually let him be for most of the time. But then again, Seonghwa didn't really notice when his friend tried to tease him, he wasn't really there. His body had dragged itself all the way to university, sat to take each and every class of the day on time, but his mind was floating far, far away. He had his comfy bed on his mind, a nice soft blanket, a sleep that never came when he was in a place he should be sleeping... But most of all, he thought of Hongjoong.

What happened that morning had truly scared him shitless. In all those years together, even with his god awful parents, he'd never seen the younger in that kind of state. Was that just how things were now? Did it always happen? Seonghwa could feel the tension spread around his jaw just thinking about his friend shaking, crying and screaming into the night everyday. He wished he could know what was wrong so he could help him better but he had virtually no clue what went down after he moved. He hadn't seen him in such a long fucking time. He didn't even hear from him once.

Seonghwa remembered how distressed he was when he got the news. Hongjoong's parents had kept it a secret for as long as they could. They had done it on purpose, both boys knew it. Hongjoong was told they were moving with only a week to the date, he could barely gather time to be with his best friend before he had to say goodbye. Seonghwa was going to confess that winter too...

"Hwa" He heard a soft whisper close to his ear and felt dainty fingers brushing through his hair. "Hwa, the class is over."

Suddenly it was like his hearing was turned on again and he was aware of every single noise in that classroom. Idle chats, chairs being put back in their places, closing bag zippers, dozens of steps thumping all the way inside his ears...