Black as Coal | ✓

17

*Make sure you read chapter 16 first!*

A saying I heard growing up was, "The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth." As a child, I didn't care to understand it, but after my talk with Fen, it was hard not to think about it. Hearing him talk about his life in such a casual manner was crazy to me. He acted as if he were telling just a regular, made up story and not one about his life. It was surreal to see him act as if it didn't have any impact on him when that clearly wasn't the case.

From the way he spoke, he had basically always been alone. Even now he still was and while that didn't excuse his behavior, it wasn't difficult to see why he latched onto Eli, likely the first person around his age to show him genuine warmth and kindness. I was curious to know why his parents never tried to step in though.

I unwittingly thought of my own parents. They always seemed to know when something was wrong with either Reed or me, even when we didn't tell them. When it came to small things, they typically let us handle it but they usually got involved when events they deemed big occurred, likely to save their own reputation, but the fact they got involved in the first place was something I suppose.

I splashed water on my face, trying to clear my thoughts. It was frustrating how easily Fen could stir up these old memories and emotions. Emotions I wanted to leave behind years ago, but here I was, with Fen under my roof, feeling things I didn't want to feel.

When I returned to the living room, Fen was still there, picking at his muffin and lost in thought. He looked up as I entered, a mixture of curiosity and something else in his eyes.

"Did I do something to offend you?" He instantly asked.

I sighed, deciding to push past my discomfort. "No you didn't. You mentioned your grandparents raised you. What about your parents? Were they... around?"

Fen looked taken aback by the question, as if he hadn't expected me to show any interest. He shifted in his seat, and I could see him weighing how much to reveal. "My parents were... complicated. They were part of the pack, but they never really were there for me. They were too wrapped up in their own lives and issues."

I nodded slowly, understanding more than I wanted to admit. "That's tough. It's hard when the people who are supposed to care for you don't."

He gave a bitter laugh. "Yeah, but you learn to deal with it, right? You find other ways to cope, other people to fill the gaps."

"Like Eli," I said quietly.

"Like Eli," Fen agreed. "He was the first person to really make me feel like I belonged somewhere."

"And now?" I asked, meeting his gaze. "Do you still feel like you belong somewhere?"

Fen looked down at his hands, his fingers fiddling with the edge of the muffin wrapper. "I'm trying to figure that out. I thought I did, but... things change."

"Yeah," I said, after a moment of silence. "They do."

"You know, I think this is the first actual conversation we've had without fighting," Fen said.

"No it isn't."

"It feels like it is."

"That's because you're always finding ways to get on my nerves," I rolled my eyes. "Not to mention, you're always acting like you're holding something back. It makes it hard to have a real conversation with you."

Fen frowned. "I don't act like that. I'm typically pretty honest with you."

I thought back to the night he got drunk and how freely he spoke. I shook my head and said, "It's like you're telling me just enough to get me off your back, but never the whole truth. Like you're holding yourself back."

Fen seemed to consider my words. "It's hard to gauge just how much is too much sometimes. I've fucked up before and the last thing I want to do is say the wrong thing and ruin what little semblance of a relationship—if you could even call it that—we have."

"I know what it's like to be around fake people, Fen and I'm tired of it. I'd rather you just tell me how it is instead of hide things from me."

He nodded. "Understood."

"Good—"

A knock on the door cut me off and I glanced over at Fen who also seemed to hear it. I waited a second to see if it was a fluke, but another one echoed through the house.

"Go to your room," I instructed Fen who nodded and pushed himself off the counter.

I hurried to my bedroom snd grabbed the bottle the air freshener before exiting and spraying the whole house like my life depended on it.

Once I was relatively sure Fen's scent was covered, I put it in a kitchen cabinet just as a third knock rang and I waited until Fen's door shut beginning I yelled, "I'm coming!"

I scraped my mind for who it might've been. It couldn't be Reed since he had just left and I doubted anyone else from out of town would've showed up out of the blue, so it was likely Callie or someone else from town.

I made my way to the door and pulled it open. I expected to see Callie or one of the townspeople standing outside, but I was surprised to see Arlo standing at my door with a large box in his hands, looking everywhere except at me.

"Arlo?" I said his name and it felt strange since we hadn't talked since before I moved. I could tell I wasn't the only one who felt that way based on the way he jumped when I spoke.

Slowly, his eyes met mine and he offered me a small, awkward smile and said,
"Hi, Cronan."