Without You

IV

It had been days since he had seen her and when he went into work, he made his rounds and then did paperwork in the attending lounge when a few attendings came through.

"Who do you think is the most promising intern?" One asked, "Because it seems like Yang is set to cardio."

"I don't know but I doubt Grey. Her mother probably paid for her school and she is probably much better at something else." The other man replied.

Derek's blood instantly boiled and his fists clenched around the newspaper, making him frown. His breath came out hard as they kept insulting her. He knew these two, rookie attendings.

"Meredith could do surgeries better than you two can." Derek slammed the paper on it and they both looked at him before stopping.

He walked out of the room and went up to the roof. He was breathing heavily and he wanted to collapse. Seeing her with another man was making his stomach ridiculously uncomfortable.

She was out there, looking out at the sky. Her small body was covered with a white lab coat and her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail. It was getting late and the sky was turning pink.

"Hey." He said, gently touching her shoulder. She turned and their eyes locked gently. He felt his heart beating faster as time slowed. Her skin shone in the light and he felt like the last few days hadn't happened. That he hadn't seen her with another man, and that she was still his. She was surprised and he felt his hand being shrugged off her shoulder as she looked away.

"I should go." She said quickly before walking back to the stairwell. His eyes pierced her soul and she couldn't handle the jump in her throat.

"Wait." He said hurriedly but the door slammed behind her. He sighed and turned around, looking out at the sky.

"You're going to be okay." Derek said, smiling with that idiotic, McDreamy smile that filled her with warmth. "Everything... will be okay. And you are an excellent surgeon. They'll see it soon."

He had to protect her. It was his job, his responsibility. Maybe if he did that, he could prove that she was an excellent surgeon. Maybe he could get her to talk to him.

He went downstairs and knocked on an office before walking in.

"Nelson." He said, "Can I come in?"
"Sure, what is it, boss?" He asked.
"Dr. Grey." Derek started, "She shows tremendous interest and talent in the neurosurgical field. I want you to have her assist you in surgery."

"She has no experience, let alone why should I put a patient at risk with someone who hasn't cut in so long?" Nelson asked, making his jaw clench in anger.

"The reason she hasn't cut is because she hasn't been given the chance, and if you need another reason than teaching; I will owe you." Derek said looking down at Nelson, "For anything."

"Owe me? What could you owe me?" He scoffed.
"How old are you kids, Nelson?" Derek asked.
"14 and 18." He replied, "What does that have...?"

"If they screw up in any way and you can't do a surgery, you page me 911, I am there, no questions asked, no matter what." Derek said as Nelson stood up.

"You have yourself a deal, Shepherd." He said, shaking his hand. "I'll pull her in on a craniotomy."

Derek nodded and walked out of the office feeling satisfied. Maybe she would understand. Maybe she would talk to him.

5 hours later

He was at his desk, signing paperwork when the door opened. It slammed behind her as she walked up to him. He looked up at her and saw the fire of anger in her eyes.

"Did you tell Nelson...?" She asked, her breath shaking, "Did you tell him to give me a surgery?"

"I would say yes, but it sounds like you are very angry." He said quietly, standing up and walking to the other side of the desk as his eyes softened, "What's wrong?"

"I told you what I told you in confidence. I didn't need it to be known by every attending in this hospital." She said frustratedly.

"I was just trying to help." He said softly, "I never meant to hurt you."

"Stop trying to help. You're not my boyfriend." She raised her voice before she started walking out.

"Yeah, you made that clear." He muttered, looking at the ground.

"What?" She asked, daring him to speak. His ego wouldn't let it go. He had been trying to help her and here she was, yelling at him.

"You made it clear I wasn't you're boyfriend." He said, standing up straight. "You made it awfully clear when you went out with that guy."

"No," She scoffed, not knowing how he even knew, "I am not fighting with you over this."

"You didn't have to go out and start dating. Not less than a week after you went to Manhattan with me." He said frustratedly.

"You're just jealous." She yelled.

"I am not jealous. I am angry that you let him take you out so soon after we went away together." He almost yelled.

"You have a wife!" She yelled again, "Why can't have a boyfriend? Or go on dates?!"

"Because we're sleeping together? Isn't that reason enough?!" He shouted.

"If you really think that, then maybe we shouldn't anymore." She said, her voice lowering dangerously.

"Maybe we shouldn't." He agreed, a sour taste in his mouth.
"Fine." She replied, making him swallow.

She left the room and he was so angry that he grabbed the first thing in his hand, hurling it at the wall. His mug broke into pieces and fell to the floor and he was breathing hard.

He just wanted her to see him. He wanted her to understand why he had done it. Tears sprouted at his eyes and he couldn't help but sink to his knees. He hadn't meant to hurt her like this, and he hadn't meant to give up what they had. He couldn't imagine being without her, he needed her too much.