the urge to die .

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I felt my hands were shaking, anxiety took over me completely and I was having trouble in sleeping for almost one year ..one part of me wanted to die and the another wanted me to live for my wellwisher...

I looked outside feeling helpless...didn't wanted to get up from my bed ..my body gave up ..actually my heart gave up ....the fear of being dead wasn't more fearful than being unsuccessful...

Suddenly I captured a figure in the dark room ....the lights turned on and I hated it ...I hated light .....the brightness of it ..it's like I am running from it like I was running from peoples..not wanting to face anyone..the urge of being dissappear and die .

"Eat something ", a sweet voice snapped me from my thoughts...."how long you are going to strave yourself ". She said in a low voice but get disappointed when she didn't get any response.

" i am leaving it here ..eat it whenever you feel like eating "with that my mom leaves the room .

I wasn't always like that...I used to be cheerful..though I didn't have much friends but I got two soulmates and one elder sister...who wasn't really blood related but she was like my elder sister...I hated it how all of them were worried about me . They wanted me to recover .they wanted to see Me smiling again .

And all I was giving them was just hard time . I was hurting them by hurting myself.
I took out my phone and looked at the screen wallpaper..it was him .

Min yoongi .

My idol .

My inspiration.

It's been almost three years when I started to getting less socialize...after class twelfth .I didn't get Close to anyone. I hated chaos and drama. I got scared about my future...actually about my dream of becoming a big person .....a musician.

I didn't take any classes for music in my life but I was obsessed with writing songs, poetry and making melody on guitar....my parents didn't wanted me to choose it as a subject. So I studied cus they wanted. Even though my father never forced me to score highest but his silent expectations killed me from inside.


The day when I got to know my marks. I felt broken. I cried silently. Not wanting to know them ...remembering few lines of my first song .

Cus once my father told me ..
You can't always be on top ...
It's just all destiny ..
What are you worrying about ..
Have patience my child..
Everything will soon work out ..
And that's what life is about....


I closed eyes feeling the different future...

I wish ..I could also make you happy..

I wish I could also make you proud

But the only thing I can do now ..

Is just wish ..


The door slightly open revealing a man ...a smile appeared on my face as he approached me ...

"Eat something...for me " ....he said In a pleading tone making my heart shatter..
"I just don't feel like eating anything "I mumbled...not having courage to look into his eyes , afraid he might see my tears..


" sia ..look at me ...you didn't failed right ..you got less marks which is according to you but it's great for us ...for me ...at least you learned something like you said to me . We are happy for you ...it's not a big deal . You'll always be as precious to me as you were my daughter". He patted my head and finally I ate something..

But this time things were different.


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