E and O

Part 3

Liv sat on the couch in her office with her head in her hands.
"Hey" El's gruff voice was soft.
"Hey" She muttered, moving her hands away from her face, resting her elbows on her knees so that she could meet his eyes.
"That was rough"
"Yep" He moved to sit on one of the empty chairs.
"You wanna talk about it?"
"Not really" He nodded "What's there to say? He groomed me and I fell for his act all over again"
"Want me to talk about something else?"
"Yes. Please"
"Joe is my baby brother. I didn't know what my dad was doing to mama and neither did he and yet he turned to heroin"
"You punch walls when you're angry. I think that you've both got your problems" He nodded.
"I'll admit to that. How can I change?"
"Try talking. I know that it can be hard for you but you could always talk to me, try letting them in. Try therapy or boxing, something that you can take out your anger" He nodded.
"Do you need to talk?"
"I need to shower, thirty times" Liv closed her eyes and rubbed them.
"It wasn't your fault" She met his eyes again "What he did, it wasn't your fault" He assured her. Her eyes welled once again.
"Then why do I feel like I should be apologizing to them all?"
"Call them. Explain your story to them. You and them Liv, you're all the same, your stories are the same" She nodded, reaching her hand out to grasp his.
"Thank you"
"Always partner"

Liv stood in her squad room in front of the other women, their eyes on her, making her want to run and hide.
"There's something else that you should know" Liv announced "Burton Lowe had a victim when he was twenty one years old. She was sixteen. Their relationship was complicated because she thought that it was love. Her mother...abused her, she didn't know what real love was so she took it where she could get it. But she knows now how wrong it was. The reason why you all are going to get your day in court is because he made a sex tape of her" Liv explained.
"You're her, aren't you?" One of the women spoke up. Liv nodded.
"I'm sorry. I know that's not good enough but it's all that I can say. I'm sorry to all of you, you didn't deserve it" The women nodded.
"Welcome to the Burton Lowe victims club" One muttered as they all began to leave.
When the squad room was empty, Liv sat back in one of the chairs.
"I need a beer" Liv sighed "And drinking is deflecting so I probably need to go to therapy"
"Want a ride?" El offered.
"Yeah, if I said no then I'll probably drink this all away and apparently that's not healthy" Liv replied sarcastically as she stood.
"What about, a beer after therapy?" El suggested.
"Perfect" Liv sighed happily before she disappeared off into her office to collect her things.
"Take care of her" Fin told him.
"I'll try" El nodded as Liv left her office, the pair moved to the elevator side by side.

El waited outside whilst Liv was in therapy and when she got back into the car they broke to the nearest bar in silence. Liv ordered a glass of wine whilst El ordered a whiskey.
"He got you through living with your mother" Liv paused mid sip, meeting his eyes before she put the glass back down.
"Starting off strong" She joked.
"As much as I hate him for hurting you, he saved you from your mom" Liv nodded, playing with her wine glass.
"True. I still regret sleeping with him that second time" He nodded, taking a sip of his whiskey "Why did your brother take Bernie?"
"Because I'm a screw up. Mama needs someone to take care of her and I've never been good at helping people that I love"
"You always looked after me alright" She assured him, both ignoring the other part of their conversation that went unsaid.
"You're different. It was always easier to talk to you than it was anyone else" She took another sip of her wine.
"Kathleen told me about the dinner. About the kind of man that your father was"
"Are you going to give me the your not your father speech?"
"Yes. If anyone can it would be me" She reminded him.
"He hit her. She almost killed herself because she wanted a way out and I was blind to it all"
"You were a kid" She reminded him.
"So were you" He reminded her.
"So we heal. We heal from our past and we grow from what happened"
"You make it sound so easy" He scoffed, taking another sip of his drink.
"It is. I've been doing it for ten years. It's possible to change, to get better" She picked up her drink and took a sip.
"But is it worth it? You're still going after ten years"
"Because something's are harder to get over" She admitted, her phone bleeping on the bar. She picked it up and read the message "Noah, he can't sleep. He said the babysitter doesn't read the stories as well as I do" Liv smiled.
"I meant what I say years ago. You were meant to be a mother"
"No, I was meant to be Noah's mom. I lost ten babies, El" His eyes saddened "One was Burton's, One was in college, six were ones that I tried to have before I was turned down for adoption and the last two were with Brian. He wanted kids, with me. I hoped, I tried, but it failed"
"I'm sorry Liv"
"I wasn't meant to pass on my genes. I was meant to be Noah's mom" She smiled up at him "I should be getting home"
"Want me to drive you?"
"No, stay. Think about what I've said. Think about talking to them. The Elliot Stabler that talks to me, really talks to me, is an amazing man to know" She smiled, squeezing his arm lightly before she pulled on her coat and left the bar.