E and O

Part 4

Liv moved around the squad room signing paperwork when her phone rang in her pocket. She pulled it out and answered as she signed the next report.
"Captain Benson"
"Hey Liv, it's Anaya"
"Hey Anaya, what's up?"
"It's Elliot" Her pen froze on the page mid signature.
"What happened?" She asked, standing up straight, everyone's eyes went to her and her scared state.
"He got shot. It's bad this time Liv. He's in the hospital in surgery but it didn't look good"
"I'll be there in 10"
"The hospital is 20 minutes away" Liv didn't respond, she just hung up the phone without another word.
"Liv? What is it?" Fin asked.
"It's El. He got shot. It's bad" Fin moved to her, taking her hand.
"How far is the hospital?"
"20"
"I'll get you there in 5" He assured her, leading her to the elevator, the others following closely behind.

Liv rushed out of the elevator and along the hallway until she spotted Anaya.
"Anaya, what happened?" Liv demanded the answer.
"He got shot, he's in surgery, we won't know anything until he comes out" She tried to assure her but it didn't work. Liv's hand went to the compass around her neck.
"Cragen? What are you doing here?" Fin asked, Liv turned away from Anaya and her eyes landed on Elliot's kids, mother, brothers and squad.
"Elliot asked for my expertise" Cragen told them.
"What the hell were you looking into?" Liv bit.
"A weapons dealer" He told her.
"So how did El end up shot?" Liv bit again.
"It was supposed to be routine but things went sideways" Anaya explained.
"You think?" Liv bit before she pinched the bridge of her nose and started pacing.
"It's no one's fault Olivia" Bernie reminded her.
"I know. I'm sorry" She said as calmly as she could but she kept pacing "Why aren't you looking for whoever shot him?" She bit again.
"Vargas and I are looking now but he's in the wind" Jet spoke up from behind her laptop.
"Liv, he'll be okay" Cragen tried to calm her.
"You don't know that. He's been shot too many times already" She moved to sit down but her body couldn't be still. She bounced her leg but it wasn't enough, she stood again and started pacing.
"He took those bullets for you" Eli spoke up.
"I never asked him to"
"But he did it anyway. He did it for you. It's always you" Silence fell upon the waiting room except for the sounds of tapping on laptops and Liv's shoes as she paced the floor.

"Liv, please sit" Fin tried.
"I can't. I need to walk. Walking helps"
"Does it?"
"Not really but it stops the scenarios from manifesting in my mind" She explained, still pacing. The doors leading to surgery opened and a doctor stepped out.
"Family of Elliot Stabler?"
"Yes, is he okay?" Eli asked as he and the rest of the Stabler's moved towards him.
"The surgery went well but he's still in rough shape. He's in the ICU, resting, for now" He explained and Liv let out a sigh of relief "I'll update you as soon as he's stable enough for visitors" He smiled before he headed back into the surgical hallway.
"You stopped pacing" Bruno pointed out.
"Yeah, because it feels like I can breathe again" She admitted, finally sitting down for the first time in hours.

"Tell me something about Elliot" Bernie asked.
"Like what?"
"Anything"
"He called me once, freaking out because Elizabeth got her period and Kathy wasn't home. I spent the next hour explaining tampons to him then explaining them to her" Liv smiled at the memory.
"I remember that" Elizabeth smiled.
"And the time when he found a condom in Maureen's purse. He was going crazy" Liv laughed lightly "He wanted to lecture you about safe sex and pregnancy and I talked him out of it. I explained that you were already older than he was when he got your mom pregnant, he backed down really quick" She laughed.
"I knew he went snooping" Maureen rolled her eyes at her father's actions.
"Yeah and he told me about it every time" She smiled fondly.
The doors to surgery opened once again but this time the doctor rushed out.
"What's going on?" Randall asked.
"He started bleeding internally. We rushed him back into surgery but we won't know more until it's done. I'm sorry, I've got to get back in there" He rushed off again and Liv felt like her heart had stopped. She stood from the chair and started pacing again but this time it wasn't working. She crossed the waiting room and moved into the ladies restroom. Anaya moved to follow but Fin stopped her.
"Don't. Give her a minute" Anaya nodded and stood in front of the door, blocking anyone from entering.
Inside the bathroom Liv paced the floor, stopping in the center of the room she screamed until her lungs burned. Then she moved, stopping in front of the mirror, resting her hands against the basin. She looked at her reflection for a few seconds before she lifted her fist and punched the glass, feeling it shatter under her knuckles. She pulled her fist away from the glass, seeing the blood dripping from her hand she moved into a stall and wrapped toilet paper around her fist before she left the bathroom. She moved back to her chair, everyone's eyes on her but hers were on the ground.
"What happened to your hand?" Fin asked and Liv looked down at the blood stained toilet paper.
"I took my anger out the Elliot Stabler way. Now I get why he punched all those walls" Liv muttered.
"I'll get a doctor" Sykes announced before she moved down the hallway, out of sight.

"Why did you do it?" Eli spoke up.
"Do what?"
"Punch the mirror, scream in the bathroom"
"You weren't supposed to hear the screaming" She replied sarcastically.
"Why did you do it?" He repeated.
"Because if he had stayed away then maybe he wouldn't be lying in that bed dying"
"You can't know that Liv" Cragen spoke up.
"When you made El and I see that therapist, what did she say?" She waited for an answer but he stayed silent "She thought that sooner or later one of us would die for the other and she thought that it was already too late to split us up" He nodded "I cornered her in the parking lot and made her tell me. Not long later, El disappeared without so much as a goodbye" Liv played with her bandage "He came back for me and his wife died. He's lying in that bed because of me. You're all thinking the same thing"
"He would've came back to you anyway" Maureen spoke up "Even when you were friends it was always something more, it's like Dad said the other night-"
"Maureen!" Eli bit.
"What did he say!?" Liv demanded.
"He said that he loved Mom and that she was the mother of his children but for a long time he was unhappy but he couldn't leave her. As much as Eli doesn't want to hear it, dad was telling us that he loved you" Kathleen answered.
"You were all there when he said it drugged, then took it back" Liv reminded them.
"How long?" Kathleen asked.
"How long?"
"How long did you know how he felt?"
"Longer than either one of us will ever admit to"