E and O

Part 5

They were all sat in the waiting room when the doors opened again the doctor appeared.
"How is he?" Kathleen asked.
"He's out of surgery and resting. He was awake for a few minutes and he kept saying something" The doctor told them.
"What did he say?" Eli asked.
"Live, not in a parallel universe but in this one" disbelief flooded through Liv.
"You're sure that's what he said?" Liv asked.
"Yes" He nodded before he headed back towards the operating rooms. Liv dropped into one of the waiting room chairs, disbelief written all over her face.
"What does it mean?" Eli asked.
"Not in an parallel universe but in this one. Your mom and dad wrote me a letter saying that El and I could never be together but he snuck in phrases like in a parallel universe it'll always be you and I. With what could be his last breath, El was reminding me that he loves me. And I don't have the strength to pretend that I don't love him back" Liv admitted to them all through her teary eyes.
"When did you know?" Bernie asked.
"When my throat got cut at the train station, the fear in his eyes was like nothing I'd seen before. I think that we both realized how far we would go for each other"
"I knew when you drove out to see me. You weren't just there to help Kathleen, you wanted to help him too. And that look that you had on your face when you saw him dressed as a carrot. I knew you weren't just partners, you and Elliot were never just anything to each other"
"I never slept with him but we were more than friends in other ways. He knows me better than anyone else and I know how to deal with all of his moods. And now I could lose him before I've even had a chance to love him"
"You've loved him all these years" Bernie reminded her, Liv nodded gently.
"I've wasted so much time feeling broken and now I might lose my chance to tell him that I feel the same way that he does" Liv admitted, tears freely falling down her cheeks. Bernie took her face in her hands and wiped away her tears.
"He knows. He always knew" Liv cried harder as Bernie hugged her.
"I should told him all of it. I should've kissed him. I should've-" Her tears took over, silencing her. The waiting room fell silent apart from the sounds of Liv's sobbing.

"We found him" Jet announced.
"You found him?" Anaya asked.
"Yes. He's not too far from here" Jet told her.
"Let's go. Liv, you coming?" Fin asked.
"No" They all gave her a look "If I go with you I will kill someone" She admitted.
"We'll get him" Fin assured her, squeezing her shoulder slightly before he headed off with the others.

The others returned to the waiting room after making their arrest but they still hadn't heard any news about Elliot. Liv kept switching between pacing, sitting and holding Bernie (neither of them knew whose comfort it was for).
"Did you sleep with him?" Eli asked.
"Eli!" Kathleen scolded.
"Twenty five years and I'm still the whore who didn't sleep with your dad" Liv sighed.
"Why not?" Eli asked.
"I don't sleep with married men, especially ones whose wife and kids I know"
"Why didn't he leave Mom for you?" Eli asked.
"Because he loves her. I'm not the kind of woman that a good Catholic guy gives up his wife and kids for"
"But he loves you"
"He loves Kathy too and all of you. So I stood on the sidelines, I gave advice about his daughters growing up, I helped his son get off on a murder charge and I held you in my arms seconds after you were born because El was on a case. And yet, he was never going to leave Kathy for me. I accepted that a long time ago. But, things are different now"
"What changed?" Kathleen asked.
"I did. Hell, even he did. The time apart made us realize how much it hurt being apart, knowing that the other is out there but not in reach. It hurts" Liv admitted "It hurts so much that I prayed to a God that I don't believe in just because he believed. Because if praying to God helped him then maybe it would help me too" Liv admitted sadly "Praying to his God for him when I should've been praying for him to stay away" She muttered.
The doors flew open again and Liv's heart stopped, her breath caught in her throat.
"He's still asleep but you can go and sit with him" The doctor told them. The Stabler kids rushed forward when Bernie's voice stopped them.
"Olivia?"
"You should go in, he needs you" She faked a smile but Bernie could see through it.
"He needs you. And he wants you" Bernie held her hand out to her and Liv took it, letting herself be gently tugged towards Elliot's room.
Liv's heart broke as her eyes landed on Elliot on the hospital bed. Machines beeped with his heart rate but it wasn't enough for Liv to know that she was alive. She crossed the room, her hand gently moving up his arm until it lay over his heart, feeling it beat under her palm. She rested her cheek against his, muttering into his ear.
"I love you. I need you to wake up. I need to know that you're okay"
"Say that again" He managed to choke out. Liv leaned back enough to meet his eyes.
"You first" She teased, still in disbelief.
"I love you Olivia" His hand went to her cheek.
"I love you Elliot" Liv smiled widely "I love you. All the scars and all the stories, the lives that we lived before this moment, none of it matters. You could be half a world away and my heart will still belong to you. My heart, my soul, my life, it's yours. I tried to give it to someone else, anyone else but every time I looked at them I thought, they're not you. I belong to you. In every way that I can. Sitting in that waiting room, waiting to find out if you died, it was killing me. Because if you die, I die. The past doesn't matter anymore, not to me. We'll figure it out like we always do because I love you" Liv said, her words hanging in the air "Well, say it back" She laughed.
If you die. I die.
"No"
"What? El look me in my eyes and say it back"
"No. I can't because it's not true"
"The letter you wife wrote to me that you snuck in phrases telling me how you really felt. You tried to kiss me when you brought Noah home. You gave me this compass and told me that you hoped that it would lead me to happiness" Liv laughed in disbelief "Was it all a lie? Look at me and tell me it was all a lie!" She demanded.
"It was all a lie" He bit, finally meeting her eyes and all Liv saw was anger and hatred. She slapped him, his eyes dropping from hers for a moment before he met them again.
"Screw you" She bit before she yanked off her necklace "Am I really that stupid? Or am I just that good at letting men break my heart twice? Screw you" She bit again, dropping her necklace on his chest, she moved to storm out the door but she paused in the doorway, turning back to him "I'm not made of glass. I have walked through hell and lived to tell the tale!" Liv laughed slightly "I prayed to your God every time he climbed on top of me-"
"Liv" Fin warned but she didn't care.
"I prayed for you when he reached for my belt" Liv bit.
"What do you mean?" He asked but Liv ignored the question as she stormed out of the room "Liv! Liv, what does it mean! Olivia!" He yelled, trying to stand but Fin and Dickie held him to the bed.
Liv pushed open the door to the stairwell and dropped onto one of the steps as her tears took over, her heart breaking all over again for Elliot Stabler. It only belonged to him anyway, so it didn't matter if it was broken. It was only ever his to break.