Summer Of Broken Hearts.

chapter 3

It has been a couple of months since I broke up with Lydia. Summer was just around the corner, and my friend Sara was asking to hang out. I wanted to go out and have fun, trying to escape this bubble of depression, stress, and anxiety. It was hard to say what was worse: having all three emotions at the same time or the fact that I didn't want to take it easy.

I hadn't talked about Lydia with Cara since then; I guess she understood the situation. Keeping Lydia as a topic of conversation wouldn't help me move on, understand, or solve the problem. I hadn't heard from Lydia for a very long time. She blocked me on Instagram and removed me as one of her regular contacts. Any kind of contact with her would be like a scene from Mission Impossible. It was already difficult to reach her this month; now, it was unimaginable.

Sara suggested going to the cinema. It had been ages since I went. Even before lockdown, we had to stay home. I was interested in this movie by Jason Statham, the one with the huge shark.

I didn't mind going out, even though I was working that Saturday. I needed to get out of my bubble for a moment and think about life, just to feel its beauty for a short instant. It was a dead Saturday, like most Saturdays, and I only made three hundred euros in seven hours, so not bad, I guess. I changed out of my work clothes and put on a large tube skirt. I wasn't used to wearing skirts or dresses since I was eight years old and quite insecure about my body, especially how it looked in dresses and skirts. I was worried Sara would come in tracksuits, and I would be the one in fancy clothes when it wasn't my thing at all. I let my curls free from the bun, shook my head a bit to give them their natural form, and left the store. I walked to the back of Abbey's Theatre, hopped on the H2 bus, and after about fifteen stops, I got off and caught another bus until I arrived at the cinema where Sara was waiting.

Sara wore a nice grey dress, her long hair was free, and she had a new purse, surely a present from her boyfriend. I walked over, and she gave me a look that seemed to say, "You better give me the check, 'cause this is not an everyday happening."

We bought tickets, popcorn, nachos, and some soda. After the two-hour movie, we went to a nearby pub. There were a couple of bus stations close by, so I just needed to pick which one was better.

The plan was to have two beers and then go home. After the first round, plus some chicken wings, we started catching up about our lives. She explained that she would soon have holidays, but her boyfriend wouldn't, and she was thinking about what we should do together. I agreed to everything, trying to plan in the meantime, feeling like we were deciding where to go for holidays. Then she asked the most innocent question.

"So how are you doing, the two of you? Did you guys find a place?" Sara asked.

I ordered a new round of beer, took a big sip, and a deep breath. Then I turned to Sara, who was trying to figure out what she said wrong.

"So..." I cleared my throat. "There's no new place..." I took another deep breath. "Lydia and I broke up, and... I found out she was cheating on me with her ex-girlfriend." I stopped talking, needing more beer. It was getting awkward, and Sara's face showed disbelief.

She took a big sip of her beer, trying to process everything. Then she looked at me, and her English seemed to run out of her brain, as if alcohol switched off her English mode, and she began talking to me in Spanish.

"What!!!" she exclaimed. "The fuck, she is a damn bitch! Bitch is fucking short!!! She is a whore!!! The fuck was fucking with another girl!!! What the fuck is wrong with her!!" She continued with her Spanish rant, cursing Lydia. It should have been me, but I was still hurt, angry, and confused. After her rant, we began to drink, and drink, and drink...

Eight beers later, we left the pub, laughing and dancing like two Spanish drunks. We didn't mind who saw us in such a state.

I left Sara at her bus station, telling her to travel safely and message me when she got home. She made me promise the same. Then I looked for my bus station. Alone and drunk, I wasn't sure whether to take this bus or wait for the next one. Luckily, the bus arrived as I did, and I hopped in.

<<I am on the bus, to the city centre. Are you doing well? Xx>>

<<I am on the bus home, still wanna know when you arrive home, please text me when you arrive... xx>>

I thought, sure. After twenty bus stations, I arrived at the city centre. It was twelve, and people were still in the pub. I looked at the time for my bus: twenty minutes. "Oh, fuck," I thought aloud. I went into the pub in front of my bus station, had one last pint of beer, and danced for a moment.

A guy approached me, and we danced and talked about where I came from and how long I had been in Ireland. He seemed interesting, but he was just a drunk guy looking for someone. We went to the toilet, everything was fine, and at some point, we started losing clothes. Everything was going as the old me would wish, "It is just sex, have fun, you deserve it," said one side of my head.

I stared at his blue eyes and brunette hair, pulling him closer. We were still kissing and pulling things off. Suddenly, I felt very sick and started to vomit. I pushed him away just in time, but I still felt ashamed.

"I am so sorry, mate, but I think I am not going to keep going," I said, looking into his eyes.

He moved away and walked to the door.

"You filthy bitch, you puked during our thing. I bet you don't fuck much... besides, you are fucking ugly," he said. I didn't even get his name; I just wanted him to leave.

Alone in the toilet, near the sink, I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror. I saw a woman consumed by someone who once loved me. I refreshed myself and went out, lucky to get on the bus in time. I hopped on, alone on the top deck, and sat by the window, looking at the darkness, silently crying.

After the bus ride, I arrived close to my house. I pulled my phone from my jacket pocket and texted Sara as I walked home.

<<Hey, all good. I am home. Sweet dreams. We should do this more...xx>>

I arrived home and tried to make as little noise as possible, so I wouldn't wake up my flatmates. I went to my room, switched on the light, put on my pyjamas, cleaned my clothes, grabbed my blanket, and plugged in my phone to charge. I switched off the light, closed my eyes, and fell asleep quickly, not knowing if Sara was already asleep. I just fell asleep in the same corner as I had these past months.

<<Dearest friend, We should do this again. I just hope God blesses you with happiness and someone who loves you. I'll pray for your salvation, so you will believe in love again. Xx

P.S.: Something was telling me that bitch doesn't deserve you. Lots of love, my friend.

Xx>>