Summer Of Broken Hearts.

chapter 22

Two weeks pass by, I enjoy my time with Otto and my favourite couple gay. But like my adventure in Denmark, for them also was arriving tonthe end. They were enjoying their last day in Ireland, so my guess was they went to the beach. Why to the beach, it was a warm day in ireland, and what's more strange we got sun.

I was jelous of them, they were embracing that day so well. Meanwhile I was nearly done with my job. Cara will started her holidays, and I asked someone to cover her. But my plan was after two months leave my job, and full focus on my course which it has been quiet the blast. I begain to have more demand.

I went to my favourite café, and I find Otto by surprise. He was sit down with a coffee and book. I looked a moment to him and I sat next to him.

" hi, enjoying the book?" While I was accomoding me.

" hi, I do" he get way closer and did a short kiss. I could kiss him back, I wasn't expecting that.

" so today it is your last day here guys"

He left the book, and put a little smile, he starts to play with my left hand, " I know, and then you will come to Denmark right?"

I don't know why. But I do know, that we will argue. " as soon as I can, of course" I smile nervous.

" and we could started to live together " grabin my other hand, he was actually saying it like if he were explaining his dream, in a very childish way.

I went quiet, I could broke that beautiful smile of his, and I did not know what really to say. We went quiet during the next couple of hours. We went to my places, I started to prepare some food for dinner.

" are you going to dinner here or are you enjoying the lads?" I turn to him, his expression change.

" you didn't say anything when I said to live together "

I took a deep breath, and a deep voice said, here we go, " Otto... I..." I didn't know what really to say. I don't know what were the right words.

" do you like your actual job?"

" no, but I can leave it without solve everything"

" why don't you want to be with me?"

" it isn't that I don't want to be with you, it is just ..." I saw his face, I couldn't bring myself to really say this but I need to say it. " it is complicated "

" what it is complicated, to stay with me or live your job?

" I can't give you what you are asking, you diserve better Otto " I said that, somehow felt like a heavy weight out of my chest, but I knew that Otto won't like it.

I looked at him, I saw his eyes transform eyes stone, he drop his face down and walk away. I here the doornof the outside open and same time close , I froze. I froze in front of my window to the outside, I was seen Otto faiding away in the distance.

I felt that heavy weight on my chest, I uncontrollably started to cry, and sob. I was sobbing that hard that I begain to feel sick. I didn't ate that night I went to my room, I begain to cry again. I couldn't sleep again in my bed, I spend that night on my window watching the moon.

The next morning I went with the guys to the airports, I stop front security. Kevin hug me and seems getting in glue with me. Søren seems trying to get him off of me so he can also said good bye. I felt being in the battle who is better daddy. Otto..., Otto and I were crossing eyes.

I wanna scream, I wanna hug him. I need to know that he is ok, and whatever it happens it is going to be all right. But his eyes still ice stone, I can feel his freezing look to me. After a while they were walking away, Kevin seems a total mama leaving his kids, and Søren just drag him with him. Otto still saying nothing, he just walks like he has no soul.

Sarah contacted me. I decided to go with her to do those beers. We were in Celts, we were drinking, she asked about the guys I told her they were leaving today to Denmark, we drink and dance. Till our conversation of my love life backs.

" so now they are gone, should we focus on your love life" Making the match making.

" in fact there someone who actually caught me"

" who?, wait the brunet who seems the Prince from Shrek, because the girlyman doesn't seems so"

" it is the blond"

" fuck, for real"

" for real "

" he is nice"

" he is nice, charming, goofy, hilarious sometimes, and he is smart I can talk anything and everything, he is good kisser, and God he likes adventures and books.." I talk like this about him feeling like he were touching me.

" so, why don't you guys? You know!!"

" he is actor in Denmark, and a pretty known writter there as well"

" oh, I see" got looking how disapointed I felt. " but if he is good for you, why not?"

" I don't know if I can be in a relationship yet"

" girl, el diablo sabe mucho no por viejo, sino por diablo"

" Sarah, I know the devil knows, not because he is old if not because he is evil , but he is a public face"

" do you love him?"

" what's now on you?"

" I hear, everything, I saw how does he look at you, my question my beloved friend is, do you love him?"

" why now?"

" do you love him?"

" I can't give him what is he asking" I complain.

" mira Leo, I have seen you drawning on that fucking shit with fucking Lydia I saw every single snap to you that she did in every joke of yours, I saw how she yells you when it wasn't your fault, and on top of that she walks away with her motherfucking lies with her new lover, who already merry, so I am sorry love, but you are the victim here. Now do you love him? Yes or no?" Said angry.

I started to cry, I couldn't control again. " I do, I motherfucking do, and now I fucking messed up, and I lose him, because I am motherfucking mess," I started to have anxiety. " I love him too much that it hurts have to let go, because I am got dam affraid of being in a motherfucking relationship with him" having problems to breath. " I am god dam sick of this feeling fuck!!" I growl.

We walk out from the pub, I begain to cry and we sat down in a quiet place where I could cry for a while.

" you need to solve this my friend, it is ok if you have to go to live in denamrk, I can come and visit you whenever I can" Sarah hug me, it was the warmest hug I have. I need for first time do this woth her. I rich down point and I wasn't able to fully open my emotions. After a while hug , she went back home with her boyfriend, I went to have my bus. During the travel I could stop tearing in silence, and I only was looking the road, I was lost on my thoughts.

I arrived at home, I went to my room I put my pajama, and i got down on the livingroom, I stare the picture of Otto an I. Till I felt asleep.

But the only question I hold before to fall asleep was, will I be complete?