Intentions: Sam x Reader x Dean x Castiel

Chapter 9

Y/n Pov

Waking up the next morning I am still reeling from the night before. I did it, we did it, and there was no going back now. Do I want to? Fuck no. But the realization hits me harder than a freight train, I love them. I'm in love with them.

Was it really just less than a week ago that Sam, Dean and Cas were just three of my best friends? I had feelings for them sure, but I never planned on acting on them. I scrape through my memories with them, from the more recent ones, to some of the first ones we made together. Wondering when things changed, when they started to see me as more than a friend.

Since I moved here when I was fourteen, it can't have been then. Maybe when Dean taught me how to drive? I was sixteen then. Or was it when Cas healed my broken arm that same year, when I had fallen from a stack of cars that Dean dared me to climb. And what about Sam? When did his feelings change? Was it when he picked me up from a date at the movies that went horribly wrong?

All of those memories and countless more play over in my mind like a movie as I lay awake and the sun peaks through my blinds. I need coffee if I'm going to try to sort this out. I turn to my left and see that Cas and Dean are still asleep, in the same position as they were when we all passed out last night. Their breathing is light and steady as they sleep. I turn my head to Sam on my right who is still holding my thigh over his, his large hand keeping a tender and firm grip on the inside of my thigh, just above my knee.

I slowly pull my leg from Sam's grip, trying not to wake him, almost failing when he sucks in a breath, I hold still and watch as he just groans softly before rolling on his side facing my door. I let out a silent sigh and slide down the bed on my back out of Cas and Deans' hold. Smiling softly as I stand at the foot of my bed and see Cas's arm still over Dean's side.

I slide on my slippers and tip toe to my bedroom door and open it gently, not waking them as I step out into the hall and close the door again behind me. I let out a little more loud sigh of relief as I step down the stairs, half expecting Bobby to be awake and have coffee going, but see no one. I look around the living room and see the empty couch where I vaguely remember Crowley sleeping when we all went up to my room. Maybe he left earlier?

I shrug it off and step into the kitchen, starting a fresh pot of coffee. I look at the time on the stove clock and see it's almost ten in the morning, meaning I probably got maybe six hours of sleep. No wonder I need coffee. I think to myself as I grab a mug from the cabinet and walk over to the half brewed pot. I pour myself a cup and put the pot back to finish brewing before I grab some creamer from the fridge. The boys don't mind drinking it black, but I sure as hell do.

I sit down at the table and sip my coffee, letting out another sigh as my fingers grip the bridge of my nose between my eyes. Cas said there was no going back after what we did, and he was right. I don't want to. The way they worked seamlessly to devour me, the way their hands wandered and caressed, sometimes gently, sometimes more roughly, brings the sensation back to my tired and sore limbs. I loved every second of it, I reveled in it. Like I've said before, I had been with other people, but nobody pushed me, or my boundaries like they did.

Thoughts that I don't want, creep back into my brain. His smell, the cheap liquor and beer, the cigars, the creaking of my mattress. I shake my head and take a big gulp of my coffee, damn near burning off my tongue in the process. I don't want to go back there. It's too much, no. That part stays hidden from the world, well, besides Jess, her mom and Jody. And the court where they were prosecuted. I've thought about telling the boys before. I really have. And it's not that I don't trust them, I trust them with my life, it's that even knowing that I shouldn't feel ashamed, I do. I still feel like a freak for enjoying it. What would they say to me having a 'daddy' kink even after all of that shit?