Intentions: Sam x Reader x Dean x Castiel

Chapter 18

Y/n Pov

"I've missed you so much." I say with tears in my eyes as I hug my mom tightly, the scent of her perfume in my nose takes me back to all of the good times in my life.

Her hand comes up to the back of my head, stroking my hair. "I've missed you too honey." She responds sweetly before pulling back and looking at my face with a smile. "Look how much you have grown." She smiles, wiping my tears away with her thumbs and stroking my cheeks. "My beautiful baby girl. But I guess not so much a baby now, hm?" She adds, making me laugh.

The sun shines in my grandparents backyard, the tire swing hanging from the tree gently swaying in the light breeze. I hear the birds as I sit with my mom on a bend that overlooks the small duck pond. It's perfect.

"Mom?" I ask looking over at her, unable to believe how beautiful, happy and healthy she looks as she gently tosses seeds into the pond.

"Yes honey?" She asks as she looks back up at me with a smile.

I bite my lip, contemplating all the questions going on in my head. Which ones to ask first, which ones to avoid, if any should even be asked at all. She notices my hesitation and gently grasps one of my hands in hers. "Y/n, you can ask me anything. There are no wrong questions, don't be nervous or scared sweetie, we're safe here." She reassures me with a smile.

I nod my head and take a breath, wondering where to begin. But I guess the best place is the beginning. "How did you get here?" I ask her.

My mom laughs softly, shaking her head with a smile. "The same you did honey," her smile fades slightly as her hand grips mine a little tighter, "I died. And so did you." She says softly.

I died? I try to think back, try to remember what happened, but it's all blank. I can't remember anything, as hard as I try.

"Did you see how I died?" I ask her, hoping she has an answer.

She nods her head slightly. "I did, I've been checking in on you as much as I can." Her face saddens as she turns to face me on the bench. "I am so sorry for everything you have gone through. You were so young, you had to shoulder so much alone. You had to face things that no child should." tears well in her eyes. "I am so sorry y/n. Just know that none of it, not one second of it was your fault." She sniffles.

I feel the tears fall down my cheeks. "I should have fought harder mom, it wasn't your fault either." I respond as I grip onto her hands.

She shakes her head. "You fought as hard as you could." She emphasizes by shaking my hands in hers slightly. "You did everything you could to survive, I'm just sorry you had to survive it at all." She says as she brings up my hands to her lips, kissing my fingers softly.

"Is that how I died?" I ask her.

She shakes her head. "No baby." She sighs. "Your father, he-" She sniffles. "He got out, he found you. He pulled out a gun, and Sam.. He tried to protect you, but you," She takes a hand back and strokes my cheek, "my brave girl," she smiles, "you took the bullet that he shot at Sam. You died protecting those you love." She says as a tear falls down her cheek, her face proud and soft.

I try to picture it, to picture the moment. I can hear faint echoes, voices calling out for me. "I can't remember any of it." I say softly.

"You can honey, but only if you allow yourself to. It's up to you if you want to remember. It's your choice to let it all in or not." She responds.

I allow myself a moment to breathe, willing my mind to remember. And like a flood gate opening, it all comes back. Every detail, the shouting, the fighting, Sam protecting me, Dean and Cas emerging from the bunker. Then, the shots, pushing Sam aside and throwing myself in front of him. The searing pain in my chest, them all shouting my name. And the next thing I know I was here.