Leaving things behind

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I woke up on Saturday around noon. I went home probably half an hour after Carlos and I went back to the dance floor. Despite I really made an effort, the lightness of the evening did not come back and I found myself thinking about the interaction with Nate a lot. Plus, I feared he would try to get a hold of me again. So, I called an Uber from the dance floor and walked out the moment it arrived. I kept laying in bed until 3PM with wandering thoughts and did not want to start the day. I felt betrayed by Naomi and Samuel and hoped the whole thing had no impact on Carlos. Sarah said he would stay until Sunday and I hoped they would have a nice time. I got up and got dressed for a walk. I really needed to free my head and would maybe walk for quite some time. The whole day my thought kept going back to what Nate said and deep sadness took over me. He knew this would hurt me the most. He wasn't the first man in my life, but the first one I had continuous sex with. I have never climaxed with anyone before and haven't with him. He did not really care and made no effort to change it. But deep down it must have bothered him. I don't know when he decided the only possible explanation was, I had sex with other men. His jealousy and paranoia drove him crazy and the more I tried to convince him otherwise the more respect he lost. Tears were rolling down my face while I walked back home and I decided it was time for a cup of tea and gossip girl. I have cried enough over this man and this situation and I would not do him the favor and continue to do so.

The rest of the weekend I actively tried to distract me. Cleaning day on Sunday helped with distraction and going through the first applications for my job at Oliver's and planning the transition with him kept me busy on Monday and Tuesday. Naomi called on Sunday, saying Sarah called her or something and Nate must have been at the bar on Friday. She said she was sorry and started talking about it. I interrupted her immediately and said I was not mad at her, but I do not want to talk any longer about this issue. I have done my fair share of crying and had an awful weekend because of it. I simply want my inner peace back and don't want to hear another sentence about this guy. If she agreed on dropping me by the airport on Thursday, everything is forgotten. For good. I took a deep breath and after she agreed on driving me to the airport I asked her what I should wear for my dinner date with George instead, simply because I wanted to change the topic and show her that I indeed am not mad at her. On Wednesday after work I started packing and George sent me three links to different restaurants in Barcelona without any other text. I started to realize he is as bad as I am when it comes to texting. I looked up the restaurants and spend a good amount of time trying to make a decision. In the end I decided for the Tapas place, which was probably the least expensive. Which meant still not casually affordable, but I thought it would be money well spent. I was really looking forward to this dinner and realized how comfortable I felt with George. There was a healthy amount of excitement for this dinner date, but I was not scared of it. I did not fear our conversation or lack thereof, was not scared to not be pretty enough or not enough in general. And I did not fear that the night would end in drama. Probably this is what healthy dating looks like. I finished packing around 11PM and checked into my flight. Naomi would drive me to the airport after work and I needed to sleep during the flight as I had not much time left when I arrived in Spain due to the time addition. On Thursday morning I watered my plants one last time before I checked all windows and light switches and locked the door. Time flew by at work and Naomi picked me up at 4:45PM just as agreed on. It wasn't a long drive and we mostly talked about irrelevant stuff. She mentioned the bar night once, but I changed the topic immediately. I asked her what's wrong with Elsa instead as nobody seems to know what's going on in her life. Naomi also did not know and we both shared theories. My theory dropped the name Charles Leclerc, but Naomi was not sure about it. Apparently, she hasn't talked to anyone. We both followed our own thoughts for a bit before the topic evolved around George again.
"So what's your plan for the date?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well, will you kiss him, will you take him home?"
"What's the matter with you?!" I asked and laughed. "There is no plan. I just want to enjoy the night and we will see where it goes."
"Yeah, sure." She said smirking. "Don't tell me you haven't thought about it."
I blushed. "You are unbelievable." I started giggling. "I mean, let's see. The hotel is not far from the restaurant - but I haven't picked it for that reason!" I quickly added, but Naomi was already laughing out loud. "I don't know where he is staying. But as everybody from the team is situated there, probably he is as well. Though maybe drivers go somewhere different? Last time he said all drivers were at the same place but did not mention his team."
"Yeah, you haven't thought about that night at all." She laughed.
"Stop it, Omi! You know I can not not think about these things!"
"I would take him home if I were you."
"Stop it now. I have to see how things go at the paddock first. It's my first day of work over all and I won't sleep with a co-worker on my first day."
"Oh yes true. I haven't thought about that." She sighted. "Makes things more complicated."
We were just rolling into the short term parking lot and I hugged her once she put the car into park.
"Anyway, thanks so much for driving me! I let you know how it goes." I said.
"Yeah please! And I mean the private stuff not your new job at one of the best racing teams out there - that's boring!" She said and giggled. I took my suitcase from the trunk and waved goodbye before I headed into the airport.

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