The Formula 1 Series - Part I: Liz & George

Barcelona by night

I left my phone on my seat and went to the bathrooms. On the way I realized this game of his wasn't done. I owed him an answer. I freshened up and put water in my face, which wasn't a problem as I wore no make-up. I looked in the mirror and pulled all my bravery together and went back to our table. He did not look at me coming back but was swirling his glass with an empty expression.
I sat down and looked at him until he looked me in the eyes.
"Look, if we talk about the same girl, she probably would worry you're not interested in her, if you don't rush."
We locked eyes for a bit and he seemed to think about it. I had nothing else to say to that topic and waited if he would leave it. I was brutally honest here. It was true. If he wouldn't try to take me home and hook up, I would assume I am just entertainment for him. It may sound slutty but it was true and I felt no shame admitting it. I also wanted to rush things and despite what I said to Naomi my physical state was way beyond thinking about work and co-workers and stuff like that.
"Thanks. That was actually helpful." He said and smiled, but his smile didn't reach his eyes.
I smiled back at him und just then realized the waitress must have taken all plates. George seemed to know my thought and asked: "Do you want desert?"
"No, no I think I'm good."
"We could share some crema catalana?"
"Do you want desert?"
"No, I want you to have desert if you want to." He said and laughed. It really shouldn't be so complicated.
"No, no really I'm good. I'll ask for the check."
"I already took care of it." He said and took the last sip of his water.
"No you shouldn't!" I looked at him. "I'll PayPal you."
"Don't be ridiculous. You will never pay with me. Be sure about that. It would offensive when you keep my paycheck in mind." He said while standing up but without it sounding like bragging. And true, comparing his salary with mine, he could take me out years before it was my fair time to pay. I decided to leave the topic alone for now.
"Where are you staying?" I asked while coming around the table. He let me walk past him and I made my way through the restaurant. Again, I was baffled how full it was and the fact you wouldn't know from our corner. He catches up with me and held open the door.
"In the same hotel as you. I just had meetings before and came directly from the circuit. Obviously after showering and so on."
We made it out on the street and started walking in the direction of the hotel. The same hotel. Okay. Interesting.
"Have you been in Barcelona before?" He asked.
"No, I have only visited Italy, Austria and obviously Germany and Britain."
"Where is your family in Britain?"
"Umm, different places. I have an aunt in London. But most of them live near Manchester." I nestled on my fingernails. "What about yours?"
"Norfolk." He simply said. "How often do you go there?"
"Rarely. Once a year maybe?" I said.
"Do you have siblings?" He asked and I laughed. He had many questions.
"Yeah. An older brother. But he is a lot older than me. Seven years. He lives in Germany now. I would ask you the same question, but I think I have heard somewhere." I admitted.
"Yeah it's sad I can't keep any smalltalk questions interesting." He said smilingly.
"Oh, don't lie. They are never interesting."
"Do you date a lot of men?" He asked openly.

I stopped walking. "Why are you asking this?"
"I don't know. You said smalltalk is boring." We continued walking. "That question is no smalltalk right? Plus saying smalltalk questions are never interesting implies you do a lot of smalltalk."
"I do. But what does this have to do with how many men I have dated?"
"Well, that's how it usually starts, right? On apps but in real life as well. Don't tell me this Ferrari mechanic hasn't asked you all kinds of smalltalk questions at the Gala."
He did. "True. But getting asked questions and going out with someone are two different things, aren't they?"
"So you don't go out with everyone that asks you?"
"I don't get asked out that much. What do you think? Do you think I date a lot of men?"
"No. It's pretty obvious you don't. I just wanted to hear your answer to that question. And the reason for it."
I thought about it and didn't know if I should feel insulted.
"Why is it obvious?"
"Answer me first."
"I don't. Because I rarely get asked. And I set some standards after ... after my last relationship. Why is it obvious?"
"You looked completely confused when I asked you out." He said and put his hands in his pockets.
"Mmh." I said and didn't want to think about why this was true. "What about you?"
"Not really. You are the first after my last relationship."
"So I am the mistake after a break-up?" I asked.
"No, certainly not." We stood in front of the hotel building by then and he looked up. "Which floor are you?"
"Six." I said while walking through the front door. He followed me and we went to the elevators. He pressed the button for it to come and I decided to not ask which floor his room was. He should make the next move and I didn't want to talk about his room. One room was enough for both of us. The elevator opened and we got inside. His presence felt way more intense instantly. The temperature in the cabin rose immediately and my blood started to boil and my breath deepened as it would be the physiological response to being in an elevator with him. He pressed 6 and leaned against the wall on the opposite side of me, staring at me. The tension was immense. The doors closed and I made a move forward. I couldn't watch his reaction as someone was holding the door. I backed off abruptly and the doors went open again. Some middle-aged woman got in and looked confused as we both looked at her. George started giggling and I felt ashamed. He knew exactly what I was about to do. The woman pressed 8 and turned away from us. George looked at me grinning and took my right hand. He pulled me towards and in front of him, facing the ladies back. I stood still as he put his other arm around me and pulled me to his chest. I leaned with my back against his chest and my whole backside tingled. His hands were holding mine before my belly and he bended down to my neck. His mouth was beneath my right ear and barely touching my skin. I felt it way more intense between my legs and the pulling that kept existing in my middle since our walk here got worse and worse. He took a deep breath and I felt his warm breath on my skin. It send shivers down my whole body and I let myself completely lean against his chest. He blew a quiet kiss onto my neck before taking his left hand onto my hip and raising me to my own feet again. Just in time the elevator hit sixth floor I was able to walk again and squeezed past the lady. George was just behind me and grabbed my right hand again. I couldn't wait to get to my room. I nearly ran. He seemed to have all time in the world and even slowed down.
"What's your room number?" He asked.
"614." I almost pulled him forward. We reached my door and his steps got even slower.
"What's wrong?" I whispered in front of my door while letting go of his hand.
"Let's do this right, okay?"
"What do you mean?"
"Let's not rush okay?"
"I thought you want to rush?"
"Yeah, believe me I do." He said laughing and cleared his voice. He put his hands into his pockets and looked down. "I just think you deserve better." He looked at me.
"What nonsense is this? Are you playing games with me?" I said and my thoughts started rambling. Is this some wicked game? What's his problem?
"No I don't, El." He sighted. "You said you would worry that I'm not interested in you if I didn't rush here." He nodded to the door.
"Exactly." I didn't get it. I was clear enough and he obviously understood the message as well. What's the matter?
"But that's unhealthy, isn't it? Look, I don't know which men you have been with, but I don't want you to only feel safe with my interest in you because I rush? You get what I mean?"
"No." I simply said. What's his problem? I took a deep breath. The tension in my body slowly turned into frustration. "But I won't beg you for it." I had my worth. Not much anymore it seems but it was time to end this tragedy. Frustration and shame started to take over my body. My throat was sore and I just wanted to go inside and cry. I have never wanted a man this bad in my life. And considering I never really liked sex this was a huge thing for me. For once I had real passion and physical attraction that seemed to burst my body and he swept it off. I needed to go. Now. I put my hand in my pocket to get my card and looked down.
"Hey." He said shyly and stepped closer. I fumbled with my card deep in my pocket. He took his right hand and lifted my chin. I kept my eyes shut as I felt tears already forming and his gaze on me.
"You know I am trying to do the right thing here?"
"Okay." I said like a small child still with my eyes closed and turned around, freeing myself from his look and fingers. I put the card against the sensor, but his left hand shot around me, holding the handle so I could not press it down.
"El. I mean it. I'm sorry if this was the affirmation so far in your life, but then I want to make it right even more."
I replied nothing. He sighted again. "Can you really say I haven't shown enough interest in you tonight? Do you honestly doubt I like you?" His voice was quiet but forceful. I turned to him and his gaze met mine. He seemed surprised by my look and his head moved a few millimeters back. Probably my eyes were red and for sure glassy.
"You don't think I don't want you, do you?" He whispered in disbelief and a rasp voice.
"I don't know what I think. Just let me go and figure it out, okay?"
His hand let go off the handle and he took a few steps back. "I only want to do the right thing, okay? Don't push me away for it." He said still in disbelief.
I closed my eyes again and finally the sensor did its thing, I pushed the handle and walked through the door. "Good night." I said as neutral as I could.
"Good night." He replied with a rasp slow voice.

It took exactly until the door was shut and the card was put into the electricity field for me to start crying. I took off my shoes while sobbing and went into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and cried even more. How embarrassing. This was awful. I couldn't even think anything but how ashamed I felt. I didn't care what he thought was right or anything really. I just needed to get all these loaded emotions out of my system and crying seemed like the right thing to do. I put my toothbrush into my mouth and continued crying silently while brushing my teeth. Afterwards I washed my face with ice cold water just for the feel of it. I had no intention to calm down or stop crying. There was still a lot of tension in my body and unsatisfied desires mingled with desperation and frustration. I knew I would cry until I was completely exhausted and this was the only way to go. I would not lose the tension otherwise and I needed it gone so I could think again. And sleep. I really wanted to just sleep. Just hitting pause for a few hours and then start over with a clear mind. My sobs decreased by the time I crawled into my bed. I put in my alarms for 8AM, wrapped my arms around my knees and continued crying until I fell asleep.