The Formula 1 Series - Part I: Liz & George

Overthinking

"Hey you!" I said and tried to sound happy.

"Oh hi! Amazing, Mick will join us in the gym later. Let's do some exercise testing and after lunch we can work with him." She said. "Are you motivated?"

"Have I ever not been?" I said smiling but indeed I couldn't be motivated for anything just now.

We chatted about different things and my thoughts went back to George only while we tested the different exercises and didn't talk.

Maybe it wasn't true after all. Maybe Marc saw something but it was something complete different. Maybe they did not kiss but he did whisper something and it looked like him kissing her from a distance? But why have they been at the bar together alone in the first place? Where was Charles in the situation? I was 100% positive she came to Monaco because of Charles. How did she end up with George? How could they do this to me? My heart ached and my throat got sore again thinking about this. How did she end up with the man who said he was interested in me? Who made sure I believed in his interest so bad? Was he one of the guys who manipulated girls to such an extend? I aborted the exercise I tested and excused myself to go to the bathroom. Lisa said it was lunch time anyway and that she would save us a place at the window in the cafeteria until I will join her there. I was fine with that and went to the next ladies room. I put cold water in my face, but the thought kept rambling. Maybe he really didn't kiss her. If he lied about everything I can never trust no one ever again. It felt so real. So good. My throat got even more sore and my eyes started burning badly. I took a deep breath. Maybe it all was a big misunderstanding. I always hate when people miscommunicated and me being a big overthinker actually made it possible. A more rational confident person would probably just say there was an information that didn't fit with their current perception of someone. So they would ask the person about it. I brushed over my eyes quickly as i looked in the mirror and saw my face getting puffy. I couldn't continue this day like that. I needed a plan. A plan how to get through this and what to do. First I need to make a decision if I want to confront him about it. Or confront Elsa. Or just simply ask him if he has seen Elsa while she was in Monaco? But if he hasn't said anything about it until now he would not tell me he kissed her only because I bring up her name, right? Or maybe this is what it would need to get this conversation started? On the other hand, on Friday her name came up as well and he simply asked me what I know about her and Charles. Probably he realized there that I in fact didn't even know she was with them in Monaco. So why tell me anything further? I felt my deep sadness slowly turning into anger. I realized that me thinking about all this will continue until I have answers. And he really owes me answers. He can't say he's madly in love with me while he has kissed one of my best friends on the last race weekend. And what happened after they kissed? Did they go upstairs to his room? Has she had her own room and they called it a day? I got sick thinking about how their night might have ended. I put cold water in my face and neck again. I have to stop. I simply need to know what happened. As fast as possible. Then I just have to get through the rest of the day until he is in his race car for good and I leave for the flight. The flight. Thinking of being trapped in a small plane for half a day without connection to the world. Completely alone with my thoughts. Horror went through my body. I really needed to get answers. If all of this was true I at least know and can cry on the plane as I should. But having the slightest hope of it being not true would make that flight torture. I need to find him and ask him about it before he was busy preparing for the race and will sent me away once he senses this unravels his game. Or shall I call Elsa? I wouldn't have to stand one on one with him somewhere between a whole team working for his success today. But I don't want to confront her. I want to confront him. I trusted him. He made me trust him. He did play games with me. Elsa was probably as humiliated as I was. At least she was avoiding me all this time. I really should ask him. Or ask Naomi if she knew anything first? But I was certain she didn't. Anybody would deceive me but her. If she kept this from me as well I would simply die. My eyes started burning again. I felt so betrayed. The pity for myself got immense and feeling sorry for me really made everything worse. A first sob came from my throat and that was what brought me back to reality. I was in the bathroom starting to cry over something I didn't even fully understand. I took a deep breath. And another one. I starred into the mirror and tried to smile. I looked horrible but I think I was able to go outside again. I will stay in the gym and tell Lisa later that I didn't feel well or something like that. Then I can take off and find him to confront him. Or ask him about it. There was still the possibility of all of this being a big misunderstanding. I still wanted to believe it was. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to leave this bathroom. So asking him about it was the plan. It didn't sound like a good plan but the only thing my mind was able to generate. I turned around, opened the door what felt like a really big step forward and walked back to the gym. I kept walking until I stood in front of the big mirror wall and had a look at my face again. It did look a bit better compared to just moments ago. I can do this. I took my phone and went through my contacts to text Lisa I wouldn't join for lunch. I have never texted her before and I opened WhatsApp. The app still showed my chat with George.

Ich bin verliebt in dich

Ich auch in dich

Tears were forming in my eyes again. How could I have been so stupid?

„Ah, here you are! Lisa said I would find you here." His happy voice made me dizzy.

I looked up into the mirror and saw George coming through the gym door walking towards me and the mirror from behind. I watched him through the mirror for a second. He looked just as good as always and my heart ached again. He was wearing the typical black Mercedes Tommy Hilfiger T-Shirt. Just as I knew he would. My thoughts flashed back to this morning. How happy I was. How I kissed him every button I closed knowing he would change into this T-Shirt anyway. I needed to turn away and sank my head. Probably not fast enough.

„Hey what's wrong?" He asked and his voice sounded not happy anymore but worried and caring.