The Formula 1 Series - Part I: Liz & George

Working on problems

The next morning, I woke up with the alarm and it took two seconds for the events of the past evening to hit me. I closed my eyes again. Oh my god. What did I do. I tried to re-feel the situation to justify my crying, but I couldn't. I went over our conversation at dinner and in front of my door to try to collect evidence as objective as possible. It was true what he claimed I said at dinner. And maybe I haven't realized the subtle meaning of my words until now, but it was true that I kind of said physical attention is my confirmation for interest. I need someone trying aggressively to hook up to really be sure about the interest? When you put it that way it sounds awful and really bad. I pulled the covers over me. Why did I say that? Oh my god. But I knew why I said it. Because I meant it. It was the truth. I only ever knew Nate loved me when we got physical. And the few people apart from Nate I also didn't know what they thought of me until we got to it. I don't know the reason for it, but it made me feel more secure. You can't be sure your not just a friend until you have proof otherwise. George was also right saying this was unhealthy and my eyes got glassy again and my throat sore when I thought about it. He really seems to have wanted to do it better. I thought back to his words in front of my door. He definitely showed enough interest. He said he was falling for me. And minutes before he kissed me in the elevator. Sort of. Actually, this was affirmation enough. In words and in action. So, what was my problem? I really couldn't reset myself into the situation and feel the way I did last night. But then I just woke up and the whole situation yesterday evening was different. I have been with George for more than two or three hours last night and by the time we walked home I was certain I want to sleep with him. By the time in the elevator, I was completely statically loaded and high on dopamine and serotonin and whatever. I simply was full of sexual tension and that turned into frustration through that conversation. I sighted. This was so bad. He must think I am completely insane. Probably he has called it quits from his side. He probably went to his room and couldn't understand what my problem was. He said multiple time he wanted to do the right thing and I simply didn't get it. Maybe I wasn't worth doing the right thing anymore. Or doing anything really. I needed to tell him I'm sorry and that I didn't know what happened last night. I took my phone and without further thought called his number.

He didn't pick up. Neither then, nor an hour later when I got ready to leave for the circuit. It went to voicemail quickly so either he declines my calls, or his phone is off. I typed a message to confirm my theory with the checks.

Hey, I am very sorry about last night. Can we talk? I at least want to try to explain it to you

The second check never showed up, so he obviously has his phone off. I wondered why. Fear and desperation grew in my stomach while I quickly took some bites at the breakfast area. I took the shuttle to the circuit all while debating in my head if he would ever reply. But by the time I got out of the shuttle I realized I needed to stop this thinking. I had to have a free mind and capacity to learn and train with Lisa. I would meet her in the garage and my heart started to beat louder and louder while walking towards the garage. I got in and looked around. No George. But the cars were still here. Probably meetings before quali? Or he isn't even here yet.
"Hi! Glad you are here already. Mick is in the gym as well - so we can start right away." Lisa said from behind and walked past me. She padded me on the back on the way and lead the way outside. I looked back to George's car once again but then quickly followed her. I would have to wait to see him later. Or did I even want to see him here? We went to the gym area and met Mick there. He was sitting on one of the equipments in shorts and a training T from Mercedes. "Ah hi! Nice to see you again. I heard the news! Really looking forward to working with you."
"You know each other?" Lisa asked confused. Mick looked confused as well but seemed to understand I haven't said anything about it and he just brushed it off. "Yeah, we met quickly." He smiled. "Don't worry Lisa. You will stay my favorite forever." Lisa smiled back to him and said: "Thanks Mick. And you for sure are my favorite reserve driver I have ever worked with. I am sad to leave." She stopped for a moment. "No, sorry. That's actually not true. I really look forward to becoming a mother and not working for some years. Sorry not sorry." She said and giggled. We both smiled at her, before she clapped in her hands and said we must start now. She showed and explained to me what exactly they are working on and I added a few questions and thoughts. At some point we were discussing a new study that showed a different method than the one they were using. I only brought it up because I knew she would not get offended by it and we debated about our thoughts professionally. Mick was obviously lost in the conversation but watched us interested. Our session took until noon and Lisa went off afterwards while shouting, we would meet in the garage at 1PM again. She just left me there with Mick.
"So what's your further schedule?" I asked.
"Umm, heading to lunch and then we have a meeting with the engineers. Do you want to grab something in the cafeteria?"
"Yes please. I'm starving. I couldn't really eat anything for breakfast." I said while tossing the towels.
"Have you been that nervous about the day?" He said worrying.
"No, no." I laughed. "All good." I wanted to change the topic. "Anna told me you guys often talk German – is it true? If you prefer us working in German, I could try my best you know?" I said while we headed outside.
"Whatever you prefer really." He said. "Is it mother tongue for you?" He asked while we went across to the cafeteria. I really hoped George would not be around. If Mick has time for lunch and a meeting afterwards, probably George is in that meeting as well and needed to grab something for lunch sometime before as well.
"Yes, though I have a weird accent my dad says." I said. We reached the cafeteria and I had a quick look through the room. No George. I felt disappointment and relief at the same time. We kept on talking about my family and my language for a bit and had a good laugh when I shared the words my dad said I pronounced incorrectly due to my accent. We both ate the pasta dish and headed to the garage at 12:35PM. He was really the sweetest guy ever and I was happy to have such a nice athlete to work with. He went to his meeting and I decided to take a walk through the paddock and part of the circuit until I would meet with Lisa again. It was good to walk a few steps and get out of that garage. I still was uncertain how to feel if I ran into George, but the states were way lower out here than in the garage and I tried to not think about it. At 12:55PM I got back in the garage and most engineers were gone. Probably in the same meeting. Only mechanics were around and I watched them. Lisa came and gave me a run through what we would do next. Qualifying would not start until 4PM and we worked with the mechanics for a while outside the garage warming them up when I heard a lot of voices and mostly men walking into the garage. Seemed like the meeting was over and the engineers went back to their places. I tried to focus on Lisa and the exercises she just showed, but I noticed George walking out with Lewis. I haven't met Lewis before and tried to not stare at him. No, to be honest, I tried to not stare at George. My gaze went to him as if I was a moth and he was the light. Even when I didn't look, my side facing him was tingling and my whole body was aware of his presence. Lisa called it quits after another two minutes and released the mechanics to the garage.
"They need to be back on Saturday when the meetings are done, just so you know. Oh, there are the drivers. Let's introduce you quickly, okay?" She said and walked off before I could say anything.
"Hi Lewis! Hi George! I want you to meet Liz. She will replace me starting in Montreal." She said.
"Oh I didn't know you would leave us!" Lewis said. "But nice to meet you, Liz." He shook my hand.
"Really? I thought the news of me being pregnant made it through the garage by now." She said and Lewis seemed really interested. They kept on talking but I was not listening. George was leaning next to them and he reached out his hand to shake mine. I starred at it for a millisecond and he raised his eyebrows. I took his hand and shook it. I mean it was fair. Lisa didn't know we know each other and it was the correct thing to do even if she probably wasn't even paying attention due to her chat with Lewis.
"Nice to meet you." He said.
"I'm sorry." I whispered while looking into his eyes. He just was about to open his mouth when his eyes rushed to Lisa and Lewis. They both looked at us and he let go off my hand without saying anything further. He put his hands in his pockets.
"Lisa, what do you think about my tilted neck?" He asked.
"How do you mean? I think Anna is working with you on it since many months now, isn't she?"
"Yeah, yeah. She does." He said while massaging his neck with his left arm. Lewis excused himself and went off. "I just wondered what you think of it. It doesn't get any better."
"I don't know." She turned towards me. "They have tried everything. Everybody tried. Me as well. Even Toto said something about it the other day. Pillows." She laughed and I felt my cheeks burning. I felt embarrassed as pillows was my unqualified rushed comment to Toto at the Gala.
"Well, actually changing them to side sleeping pillows has helped a bit." George said and Lisa stopped laughing. He turned to me and asked: "Do you have any other suggestions?"
I was caught off guard and took a while before I said: "I mean, I don't know what you have tried so far. Or where exactly the problem is. Maybe it's scaleni muscles and not Trapez? I don't know."
"Well you can try your best, Liz. Nobody is offended if you give it a go. We are done here anyway. I'll need to do some stuff regarding my leave but will be back at 5PM and maybe we could go over some of Mick's plans again. But until then you are free. Though I don't know about you George." She said and looked at him.
He turned to me and said: "I would have half an hour now?" But he said it casually and while looking at his sponsored time piece.
"I mean, yeah let's see." I said and looked to Lisa. "See you at 5PM?"
"Yes, perfect! Good luck!" She turned around and waved before she went off.