14 September 2018
As I walk through the hallway, my eyes fall on Joan. When she sees me, she smiles widely.
"You're wearing the shirt to school!" She says happily. I nod my head.
"Yeah." I say softly.
She closes her locker. As she turns around, she rolls her eyes. I turn around to see Billie walk past us.
"Ugh, that girl is the worst." She says. I slightly nod my head.
"I don't really understand why you hate her." I say.
"We go way back, just trust me when I say she's the worst." Joan says.
I softly nod my head. Maybe she's right, I don't even know Billie that well.
I know I should hate Billie. She ruined my party night for no reason. I'm mad, sure, but I don't hate her.
As I glance at Billie for a second, I can't help but think there is something to her. But even if there was, she has also been shitty towards me.
The loud sound of the bell rings through the school.
"Okay, I got to go, see you later." Joan says before walking away. As I put on my headphones, a familiar tune starts playing.
People walk fast past me, but I take my time. English always stresses me out because I have to sit next to Billie, so I wouldn't mind being late.
"You're late." The teacher says. Instead of replying or explaining, I just stay silent.
There is nothing to tell. I'm late and don't have a reason.
"Just sit down." The teacher says, I reply with a slow nod and walk towards my table. We have to work on our projects, so I just keep my headphones on and start sketching. It's not like Billie will try to start the project.
After about ten minutes, I finish my first sketch of the garden outside. I mostly draw things I can see.
Someone taps on my shoulder, and I turn to meet Billie, her gaze. Her eyes are blue and look down at me.
As I take off my headphones, I raise my eyebrows and look at her.
"What are you drawing?" She asks. Her tone changed.
Normally, she sounds judgy, but now she sounds curious.
"None of your business." I say quietly before turning back to turn to an empty page.
Billie comes closer, and she grabs the sketchbook. She starts going through it, and my heart sinks to the ground.
"Give that back." I hiss in a whisper. She looks and rolls her eyes.
"Calm down, just looking." She says and continues going through the sketchbook. I grab the book out of her hands and fastly close it.
My heart is rising, and I don't know how much she saw.
My thoughts drift off to the first drawings in the book.
They're from before I committed and have quotes. I've been at the school for about three weeks now, and no one knows, I'd prefer to keep it that way.
Billie's eyes look down at me in confusion.
"Calm down, Jezus. I was just fooling around." She says. Her voice remains calm, but her eyes can't hide the fact that she thinks I'm a freak.
My breaths get shorter, and tears begin to form. Before they can fall down, I grab my book and make my way out of the classroom.
This familiar feeling of panic goes through me. I can feel my heart beating heavily.
Instead of entering the bathrooms, I walk out of school.
I grab my phone and text Joan. 'I started feeling sick, so I'm going home.' I send the text and put my phone away.
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As I turn off the lights, I sit on the couch. My heart feels heavy, and tears won't stop falling. Why am I this way? I move to my bed to grab my childhood stuffed animal.
The soft bunny named Bruise is always there for me.
I hold her close and watch TV.
I'm not paying attention to the stupid show, but I need some background noises.
I grab a blanket because it's cold in here and curls myself up. I lay my head on one of the pillows and just stare at the TV.
My phone buzzes, it's been a bit more than an hour.
I checked the clock, and it's lunch break.
While unlocking my phone, expecting a text from Joan, it's Billie.
I frown my eyebrows before clicking on the message. She has sent me a dm through Instagram.
'I didn't want to piss you off today. Hope u r okay.' I read the text over and over again, not believing it's there.
For almost five minutes, I stare at my phone and try to come up with a response.
After thinking, I just reply with 'okay' not the best, but I don't want to sound too excited or too caring.
My heart races from excitement, and I smile softly.
Why am I so happy that Billie texted me?
I put my phone away and look at the TV again. My head feels heavy, and I might actually get sick.
The TV is way too loud, so I put the volume down. My phone buzzes again.
A sigh escaped my mouth before I unlocked my phone. 'Get well!' Joan texts. I reply with a 'thank you' and my phone buzzes again.
Billie. My heart sinks to the ground. 'Are you alright?' She asks.
Since when does she care so much?
I reply with 'I'm fine' and turn off my phone.
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The sun is down, and there is a cold winter breeze.
After spending the whole day on my couch, I decided to go for a walk. I didn't put on a jacket, only a hoodie. The wind is cold, but I don't mind.
The store is still open, so I decided to go there.
The person behind the counter is an old man, I walk up to him.
"Can I get a pack of cigarettes?" I ask. I've tried so long to quit, and I'm clean for so long, but I need them.
"Are you 18?" He asks. I look up at him with a smile.
"I sure am." I lie. He thinks for a moment before nodding his head.
"Which one do you want?" He asks.
I point at a package and pay.
While walking to the park, I remember that I've been offline for most of the day.
I turn on my data, and a few messages start to show up. I firstly react to Joan. There are a bunch of messages.
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Joan
School is boring 12:38 pm
Want to do something? 02:09 pm
Where are you? 03:32 pm
Me
Sorry, I fell asleep at 8:16 pm
I'm just going for a walk and
sleep again 8:16 pm
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I make my way to a bench and sit down. While opening Instagram, I see that Billie had texted a few things.
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Billie
Okay, good 12:01 pm
Are you skipping? Didn't
saw you fifth period 12:56 pm
Me
Went home, didn't feel well. 8:18 pm
___
She immediately goes online and starts typing. I want to close the app, but stay in the chat.
___
Billie
Alright, 8:19 pm
Wanna do something fun? 8:19 pm
Me
Depends on what 8:19 pm
Billie
Just tell me where u are at 8:20 pm
___
I should refuse, but the idea is too tempting.
I sigh and tell her where I am.
Why is she so nice? Fear rushes through my body. What if she comes with a group of people and they're just going to annoy me.
My leg bounces, and I quickly light a cigarette. Just to calm me down a bit.
1270 words
YOU ARE READING
Everything I'm not // Billie Eilish
Fanfiction"I'm always here for you." Billie says, her voice soft. A smile creeps on my face. "I'm always here for you too." I reply. - "Where were you when I needed you?" I ask. My chest tightens and tears fill my eyes. "I don't know. Where were you?" Bill...
