26 August, 2018 - Deloris pov
The last few days in the mental hospital went by slowly. Every day felt so long, and I was bored most of the time.
But I'm finally at my new apartment. Five more days, and then school starts.
I catch myself being scared because I have no one.
My apartment is okay, not that special, but it's alright. Everything is in one room, except for the bathroom. There is one wall in the middle of the room, behind that wall is my bed. It fits perfectly between the walls. On the other side of that wall is my desk.
While placing some of my books on my desk, something fell out of a book. My eyes fall on the blades that are lying next to my feet.
While kneeling down to grab them, I feel a bit scared. I don't know why. It's not like I'm grabbing them to hurt myself, but just the idea that I can.
My hands are shaky as I lay them on my desk.
The apartment was oddly quiet. I was getting used to people screaming and talking in the same building, but it is just quiet.
Normally, I'd find my peace with the quiet, but it makes my thoughts too loud. My parents gave me a “starting on my own” box. With some basic things.
They've been sweet, but I guess they're scared of me. Or maybe just the things I could do to myself.
I open the box, rice, pasta, noodles, glasses, and more.
I decided to go for a walk through the neighbourhood, and I need some extra groceries anyway.
It feels weird to have access to my phone whenever I want.
Music blasts through my headphones. I walk through the hall, down the stairs, and the doors open.
Warm air hits my face, making me feel a bit calmer.
Since they gave me almost every medication possible, I go through my days as a zombie. I don't particularly feel depressed, but they make me feel numb. Too numb.
⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆
My basket is totally full.
I got snacks, soda, dinner for a few days, and more.
The supermarket isn't that big, so I go through every path. Lost in my thoughts, I bump into someone. My heart sinks through the ground, and I let the basket fall onto the ground.
“Be careful.” I hear a girl hiss. My eyes lock with hers. She is slightly taller. Her blue eyes focus on me.
“Sorry.” I say quietly. Her hair is black and kind of messy. She is with a taller boy, they kind of look alike so I assume it's her brother or something.
She rolls her eyes and pushes me to the side, to walk past me. Tears well up in my eyes. Why am I even crying? It's not like I know her. Why am I so sensitive?
As I make my way to the checkout, the same girl stands in front of me.
She doesn't notice me at first, but when she does, she turns around.
“Are you following me?” She asks, slightly looking down to make eye contact. I look down before shaking my head.
She is kind of intimidating. Her eyes are bright blue and she is wearing such a good outfit.
“I don't think I know you. What's your name?” She asks. I stay quiet before answering
“Deloris.” I say. “Yours?” I add quietly. She laughs softly before answering.
“Billie.” She says.
She turns back around. The boy mumbles something, and she laughs quietly.
Her laugh seems kind and welcoming. She sighs and turns around.
“Why are you staring?” She asks, turning around to look at me.
“Sorry.” I reply quietly. She rolls her eyes.
“Let’s go.” She says to the boy, and they walk away.
“Cash or card?” The girl behind the counter asks. She looks at me and raises her eyebrows.
“Card.” I reply.
My bag is heavy, and I make my way outside. Rain is crashing down.
My jacket is already soaking wet, and I have to walk another ten minutes, at least.
Luckily, it's the end of August, so it isn't cold.
I've only been here for a day, and it already seems like the people here hate me.
My music isn't loud enough to make me stop thinking, but it's already at maximum volume.
This nauseous feeling crawls inside of me. It's an uncomfortable yet familiar feeling.
I've had therapy for six months, and I still don't know what this feeling is. My thoughts drift off to before my attempt. Tears burn in my eyes, and I try to distract myself.
Maybe I need to text some old friends, but you know, who cares?
Everyone forgot me, I just faded away, and I'm in a city miles away.
Sometimes, I'm find myself wondering if they even noticed that I was gone. I never got a text. They probably just went on with their lives.
826 words
YOU ARE READING
Everything I'm not // Billie Eilish
Fanfiction"I'm always here for you." Billie says, her voice soft. A smile creeps on my face. "I'm always here for you too." I reply. - "Where were you when I needed you?" I ask. My chest tightens and tears fill my eyes. "I don't know. Where were you?" Bill...
