Everything I'm not // Billie Eilish

Chapter 4

3 september 2018 - Deloris pov

The first day of school.
Fear rushes through me as I walk through the big halls. It feels like everybody is staring at me, but I know they don't.

It's a big school, so people probably won't notice that I'm new. I push my fear away and search for the right classroom.
Joan told me that she goes to the same school, I don't know if we have classes together.

After walking for five minutes I found it. I enter the classroom, and there are about six other people in the classroom.
Some are talking with each other, and some are on their phones.

A teacher greets me with a soft smile. “I'm Mr. Beckett.” He says with a smile.
“Deloris.” I reply quietly.
“Nice to meet you, choose a seat.” He says friendly.

I take a look and take a seat next to the window. It is in the middle so that I can actually try getting good grades this year.
Some people walk into the classroom. Everyone goes to their friends. I'm the only one to sit alone. I'm kinda disappointed, but what did I expect?

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There are so many people. I'm walking to my next class and the whole hallway is full of people.

Luckily, the other classroom isn't far. When I enter the classroom, my eyes fall on Joan.
She smiles when she sees me.
“Is this seat taken?” I ask.
“No, it isn't.” She says and smiles softly.
I sit next to her and I look at the door. Some people I revonize from my first class and some people are new.

Two guys sit behind us, Joan turns around and talks with them.
“Deloris, this is Reggie.” She points at a guy with dark brown hair, dark eyes, and a black shirt with ‘Don't play’ on it. I'm not sure what he means by that.
“And this is Dante.” She points at the other guy with brown curly hair, freckles, light eyes, and a red shirt.
“Nice to meet you.” I say softly.

They look at me and smile softly. The teacher starts talking, and we turn back around.
“Wanna sit with me at lunch?” She whispers.
“Yeah.” I say.

“I'm your history teacher this year. I expect you to take notes during my class and do your homework.” He says. His voice is low and demanding.
“He's such a bitch.” Joan whispers and I laugh quietly.

The door opens. The teacher turns to the door.
“You're late.” He says.
“Uhm, yeah, I know.” A voice replies, I look up to see Billie.
She looks in my direction, and I can't help but feel my face turn red.
“Take a seat. Next time, you have detention.” The teacher says.
Billie rolls her eyes before taking a seat next to the girl in front of us.

The bell rings.
The day already seems so long. This is only my second period, and it already feels like a week.

Joan and I walk into the canteen. People are talking and I think this school is at least twice as big as my old school.
I follow Joan to the little shop. We order two bags of fries and walk to the table. We're sitting with Dante, Reggie, and some other people that I don't know.

I look around the canteen. My eyes fall on Billie, her hair sits perfectly, and she's wearing a baggy blue pair of jeans with a baggy red shirt. She smiles as she talks.
Her eyes meet mine for a moment. I fastly look away. I see her grin in the corner of my eye.
“What do you think?” Joan asks.
“What?” I reply, I didn't listen to anything they said.
“Going to the party tonight.” Joan says.
“I don't know if I like parties.” I say quietly.

“Have you ever been to one?” Raggie asks.
“Uhm, no.” I say awkwardly.
“Never?! Oh my god, we have to go!" Joan mentions.
“Alright, but what do I wear?” I ask.
“Something hot.” Joan says. I laugh quietly.
“I'll see.” I reply. The bell is right, and I grab my stuff. I

'm already feel myself getting nervous about the party, but I have to do normal teenage things.

“Look at your seat at the seating plan.” The teacher says as she points at the paper on her desk.
My heart drops to the ground as I see Billie and I have to sit next to each other.

I feel my heart race and panic. Billie rolls her eyes as I walk towards her. I sit next to her.
My leg bounces, and I'm getting nervous. The teacher explains something, but I'm not paying attention.

“Yes, Deloris?” The teacher says when I put up my hand. She checks the seating plan, and I confirm that it's my name.
“May I use the bathroom?” I ask. I need to get out of this classroom. Everybody is staring at me.
“Yes.” The teacher says with a soft smile.

I smile back and stand up to go to the bathroom, I have no idea where it is. The hallway is empty and I walk towards the canteen. My eyes fall on a door with the word ladies on it, so I enter.

Luckily, there is no one.
I walk to one of the sinks and fix my hair.
I take a few deep breaths. Panic keeps rushing through my body. I tried the breathing techniques they teached back in the hospital, not that it works.

I look at myself in the mirror, my eyes don't have that super tired look, I've gained weight, and my hair looks healthy. It isn't me anymore.

When I open the door, the class looks at me for a moment before they continue their work.
Billie is talking to the girl behind her, and I take the seat next to her.
My eyes fall on a paper on the table. I grab it and start reading. Fuck me.
The title already says “write a love story.”. It is a project in fucking duos.

I look at Billie next to me. We need to work together.
“Finally, you're back.” Billie says, kind of irritated.
“Yeah.” I say quietly.

The bell rings, and I close my notebook.
This awful period is finally over. I grab my backpack and walk to my next lesson.

When will this stupid day end? Even though it's my first day, I already know where most things are.
It is very easy once you're kind of used to it.

Billie stands by her locker, and her eyes meet mine for a moment.
“I have a project with that freak.” She whispers to the girl next to her. Tears form in my eyes, but I keep walking. I'm such a crybaby.

1162 words

A/N: kind of a long chapter and kind of a weird chapter. It's not my best, but hopefully, the next one will be better