Planets in hogwarts?!

Prologue

A/N - This is a silly book, don't mind if nothing makes sense!

The solar system was strangely calm today, no fights, no revolutions, no screaming. Or, at least that was how it was before the black hole appeared, sucking all the planets into it's void. It was chaos.

"IS THAT A FUCKING BLACK HOLE?!?"

"HOLY SHIT RUN"

"RUN?! MF WE'RE SPHERES!!!!"

"STFU THE AUTHOR MADE US HUMANOID U TWAT-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"PIPSQUEAK?!"

"HOLY SHIT HE DIED!"

"VENUS!? HOLY FUK COME HE- AHBDGJGFIUHDKS"

"VENUS AND EARTH?! AND MERCURY?! IM GONNA DIEHKUHUHI"

"...For the love of god..."

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I DONT WANNA DIEEEEEEEEE WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"BRO STFU, NEPTUNE WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

"HOLY SHIT NEPTUNE NO?!"

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"OH MY DAYS SHUT UP!!!"

Eventually after all the screaming, the black hole had taken every planet and shrunk into nothing, before growing back and spitting up a note and shrinking again. Luna, who was closest to the note, looked at it and sighed, reading it aloud:

" 'I'm just borrowing them, they'll be safe dw!! Signed...W.' "

Phobos and Deimos both went to Luna, worried.

"Will Mars be safe?!" Phobos screamed, eliciting a wince and nod from Luna, 
"W is good, they've sent notes before. This is just the first time they've stolen them."
"Oh! Okay! So who is 'W'?" Deimos screamed/asked.
"W is uh, I'm not too sure myself. All I know is that they're an Earthling of sorts." Luna frowned, looking at the note again.

"God damnit!" A male with short white hair yelled, kicking a table.
"Woah! Uri, what's gotten into you??" A different voice asked, they had shoulder length brown hair that was styled in a wolfcut, a new change for this person.
"He sent the planets to a different dimension when he just wanted to make them do one of those reaction fics." A feminine voice pipes up, the woman was braiding her pink hair, a smug grin on her face knowing Uri was in trouble
"Shut it Helyg." Uri spat, looking over all the buttons, flips and colours on his 
"Hmp."
"Both of you behave."
"...alright Akiira."
"Good, now what dimension did you send them to?"
"...Harry Potter..."
"...have you even read the books?"
"Have you."
"I've read 1 and 2."
"...hah...no I've not."
"Okay, what time is it?"
"Well, Harry's not attending Hogwarts yet..."
"For fucks sakes, where are the planets??"
"Uhm."
"He fucked up x2, they're in Hogwarts."
"And how long until Harry joins?"
"Like, few weeks."
"So, not only did you get the dimension wrong, but you fucked up the timing as well?"
"...yeah."

Akiira looked over the buttons and screens, before messing with them, changing the human ages of the planets to match the age needed to attend Hogwarts (Jupiter and Saturn are staying adults though). Uri watched Akiira mess with the buttons, scowling, Helyg came up behind him and hugged him, whispering:
"Calm down, you'll be as good as Akiira soon."
Uri sighed, knowing Helyg was right, but he couldn't wait that long. He wanted to be better than Akiira now, although he would never directly state that to Akiira seeing as they could quite literally erase Uri's existence.

"And voila. Now, this" Akiira gestured to the screens where the humanoid planets are, "is your responsibility."
Uri nodded, "Alright."
Akiira then walked out them room, stopping in the doorway to address Uri's past behaviour, "No kicking tables." and they were gone.
"Asshole." Uri scowled, Helyg shaking her head and looking at the screen.
"Hm, do you think they're going to use their planet or greek names?"
"Probably planet, and Uranus will use his greek."
"Yeah, probably.."

Jupiter opened his eyes slowly, everything was quite blurry...
"Are you alright?" a voice alerted him he wasn't alone, and he scrambled to stand quickly, rubbing his eyes to try and clear away the blurriness, he had hands?!, but something was slipped onto his face and when he next opened his eyes he saw clear, he blinked in confusion and looked up, seeing an earthling, he stayed silent. The earthling was wearing mainly all black, but had some green as well, and a big hat.
"Are you alright?" they tried again, Jupiter nodded, "Who are you?"
"Uhm...Jupiter." He responded.
The earthling looked at him weirdly, before looking at the pile of humanoid planets on the floor, eyes landing on Uranus and Saturn, their rings...the earthling looked up, and confirmed, "The planet?"
Jupiter nodded, "Uhm...yes, well maybe not so much now" Jupiter looked at his hands, "but yes, the planet."
"And these are the others?"
"Mhm."
"Okay, how did you get here?"
"Black hole..."
The earthling with a big hat looked to the side, Jupiter did the same, seeing more earthlings standing there, he looked up and saw a chandelier, intrigued he decided he was going to ask Earth about this later.
"Well, I am Minerva McGonagall, professor at hogwarts school."
Jupiter looked back at her and nodded, not really knowing what to do.
"Would you like to help one teach here? Your ringed friend can join you in being an assistant."
"The others?" Jupiter asked, looking down at the unconscious planets, realizing one was awake and just playing asleep, he quickly looked back up at Minerva as to not draw attention to them.
"They're at the right age to attend the school."
"...alright." Jupiter conceded, it's not like they had anywhere else to go...
"You will have to take them shopping, Professor Snape can show you around." Minerva said, before mumbling under her breath: "That vampire of a man can get some sunlight."
Jupiter nodded again, looking at the pile, seeing...Earth awaken. Fuck.
Earth opened his eyes and froze, looked up at Jupiter, froze again, saw his earthlings, he fainted. Jupiter shook his head, but, let's be honest, what was Jupiter expecting? At least it wasn't Venus who awoke....

A/N - Alright! Chapter 0 completed! I've only read 1&2 so sorry if I get anything wrong, I am looking for the books to reread so I can write easier, but srs question, you have till chapter 2/3 to give an answer

What hogwarts house would each planet be? (Jupiter and Saturn NOT included)

Slytherin

Hufflepuff

Gryffindor

Ravenclaw