A Mistake Worth Making

4. I Need You

Erin POV

After what seemed like hours I didn't think I had anymore tears left to cry. My eyes were dry and sore and I'm sure I looked a mess. It was crazy I had only had him back for a few hours but losing him this time hurt so much more than last time, and I knew why.

Leaving the gym I lock the door and rest my head agaisnt it. Maybe I could turn this room into something else, a craft room perhaps. Something that wouldn't make me think of him.

I make my through the house to the bedroom. Opening my wardrobe I take down a small box from the top shelf. One I hadn't looked in for a long time. It contained what few memories we had of the baby we never got to meet.

The positive pregnancy test, the first scan picture and then as soon as we knew about them they were gone. We had both been devastated and I would be lying if it wasn't part of the reason I gave up so easily.

I had been scared I couldn't give him what he wanted and now he had some one who was. I couldn't help but wish it was me and not her.

I run my fingertips over the scan picture as a fresh lot of tears fall down my cheeks. Life had certainly been cruel and who knew what I had done to deserve it.

"I guess just like I was never meant to have you I was never meant to have your daddy" I sigh to myself before putting the box away.

There was no sense in torturing myself it wouldn't change anything. Outside the rain was banging agaisnt the windows and the wind was blowing so I set about closing all the curtains and lighting the fire in the living room.

Knock knock knock

I freeze to the spot, who could that be at this time? And in this weather. Taking a deep breath I walk to the front door and open it to find a soaking wet sad looking Damian looking at me.

"She fell asleep I had to get out of there"  he says

"You shouldn't be here" I say "look at you you will catch cold. Come in and get warm"

"Thank you" he says stepping inside "I had to see you I couldn't leave things that way"

I guide him through to the living room to sit by the fire. I grab a towel and wrap it around his shoulders and over his head. As I do he looks deep in my eyes and it takes everything in me to look away.

"Once the rain stops you should go" I say "you can't be here, she needs you at home"

"What about what I need?" He asks taking hold of my hands "I need you Erin, I need to know this is still my home, I need to hear that you still love me, you still want me"

"What I feel and what I want doesn't matter anymore" I say removing my hands from his "she may not be what you want but she is giving you something I couldn't. You need to focus on being a dad"

"You don't know that" he says cupping my cheek "I think about our baby everyday, I hurt as much as you do"

Betraying myself completely I once again find myself crying only this time as the tears fall I find myself encased in strong arms. He pulls me agaisnt his chest as I cry, he hand gently rubbing my back and then I look up at him.

Softly he wipes the tears from my eyes and runs his thumbs along my cheeks. I feel my heart race and I know if I don't stop this now I'll regret it.

"Don't" I say moving away "we can't do this, I think you should leave"

"No I won't" he says "I know I have a responsibility to Kayla and the baby but that doesn't mean I have to be miserable. Why can't I be a dad to my child and happy with you? In what rule book does it say I have to stay with her?"

"It's the right thing to do" I sigh "I don't know if I watch you have a family with her. I don't think my heart could take it"

"Please don't do this Erin.......please don't leave me again......I need you........I love you" he pleads "Don't make me leave, let me stay. I need to be with you"

"You can't stay, when she wakes up she will wonder where you are that's not fair" I say "I'm pretty sure she doesn't deserve that"

"She knows I'm leaving her I told her" he says "she tried to propose to me and I said no, I told her about us that I was leaving and then she told me she was pregnant"

"She......she knows?" I ask and he nods "oh this is a mess.......what are we doing........what have we done.....you need to go before she wakes up........this is crazy"

Instead of leaving just as he did the night before he strides over to me and kisses me, I try to fight him off but its no good I simply give in and kiss him back even though I know it's wrong.

"Still want me to leave?" He asks

"No but you need to" I say "please D, let's do things right, not like this"

"OK I'll but only if I know I still have you" he says "that I'm still coming home"

"Yes" I breath "yes to both now please go"

"Alright I'll call you soon" he says pecking my lips and whispering "I love you" as he leaves the house.

What the hell was I getting myself into?