A Mistake Worth Making

12. Fear and Guilt

Erin POV

Sitting on the bed and putting my phone down I tried to steady my breathing. Instead of looking at things with a cool calm head I had picked up the phone and started screaming, shouting and throwing accusations, just like before, just like when I was trying to push him away.

Things were still new, it wasn't that long ago that we had agreed to try again yet here I was trying to sabotage the relationship before it really got started and why?

Because I'm scared, I'm scared we will fail again, that he will decide that this isn't what he wants and leave. I'm scared of losing him a second time.

But what scared me more was the idea of him proposing. The idea of a relationship failing when we had planned a wedding was far more frightening.

I guess in way I had wanted that ring to be for her, that would have been easier to deal with. I also now felt a tremendous sense of guilt for what had just happened, that I had probably hurt him and made him feel I didn't trust him.

As I sit silently contemplating everything my phone buzzes beside me. A quick glance tells me it's Damian calling me but I can't bring myself to answer.

But the phone just keeps ringing showing he wasn't going to give up until I answered. Just like he said he would he was fighting for us, for me.

"Hello" I say quietly answering his call

"Oh thank god.......please don't hang up mi amor" he pleads "please let's talk about this"

"Alright I guess we should" I say "I'm sorry for how I reacted. I know I've probably hurt you and you have every right to be mad"

"I'm not mad baby" he says softly "I just want to make sure that you know there is no one else but you in my heart. You ate everything and all I want"

"I know" I sigh "I'm scared D, I'm scared of this failing again. And the idea of failing when we have planned a wedding scares me more"

"We're not going...........wait wait are you saying you'd say yes if I asked?" He asks

"Yeah I guess I am" I chuckle "but it scares me"

"Good to know" he says and I can tell he's smiling "listen I had planned to ask you the day we split up, the ring wasn't ready but I didn't want to wait. I collected it before I went back on the road and my intention was to put it away and wait for the right time somewhere down the line when I was ready to ask. I forgot it was in my pocket. I'm sorry if a scared you mi amor"

"It's alright" I say "I know you wouldn't have meant to"

"I wish I could hold you right now" he sighs "I just want to be with you"

"You will be soon enough" I smile "now you need to get to work and I need to finish unpacking your stuff"

"Yeah I'm getting the stink eye from Rhea for keeping them waiting, we are doing a photo shoot" he says "so we're good?"

"Yeah we're good" I smile "I love you D, send me the pics I want to see"

"Love you too and I will" he says "I may even send you a special exclusive one just for you"

With that the call ends and I find myself feeling a little more relaxed about the whole thing. I knew this was going to take time and hard work from both of us I just needed to control my fear.

There was also something else I needed to do. Make sure we had time together and the first step for that was making changes to my shedule.

Damian POV

"About bloody time Priest now get into position" Rhea says rolling her eyes "is everything alright though between you?"

"Yeah all good" I say taking my position next to her

"What did she find?" She asks "it didn't sound good"

"Remember the custom engagement ring I had made for her?" I ask and she nods "she found that I forgot it was in my pocket, she thought it was Kayla because of the date on the collection  receipt" I explain before feeling her hand connecting with the back of my head

"You are not going to make it work if you kill her off with a heart attack you idiot" she says "I swear you used to have more common sense"

As I look at her I can hear snickering but when I look round at the others it stops and they all try to act innocent.

"Ya'll are finding this funny huh?" I ask and they all shake their heads

"I'd never laugh at mami" Dom says moving behind her

"It wasn't me big man I don't find it funny at all" Finn says vigorously shaking his head

"Don't look at me" JD says wide eyed "I swear I didn't make a sound"

"I think they are just feeling left out" Rhea says before promptly smacking each of them leaving them all rubbing the backs of their heads and all I can do is laugh "next time don't laugh"

"Sorry mami" they all say together before we all get on with the photo shoot in complete silence.