๋࣭⭑Tinted Tulips ๋࣭⭑ [♡WMMAP x OC♡]

🍥 Dear diary 🍥

"Goodness, Sasha. Where in the world did you get this from?"

She grabbed her hand, dragging Sasha outside the hall.

"It was...in a Tulip pot."

A tulip pot? This was unbelievable.

"I want you to keep this a secret...for a while."

"Definitely. But what are you going to do about his majesty? We didn't even ask for his permission before leaving."

"Right...but I don't feel like being scared right now."

Sasha held her hand.

"My lady, if you find something...by something, I mean anything, related to the one who stabbed you..., you must tell me."

She nodded softly, appreciating Sasha's concern.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ♡₊˚ 🌨️・₊ ♪ ✧
ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ        𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ       ㅤ────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

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PAGE 1.

The grey sky overcasts everything like a dome, keeping any color from the world. I haven't eaten since yesterday. I feel too empty to do so, my stomach is just a pit of emptiness. My legs are restless, but I can't find the drive to get up. I've become nothing more than a shell, only getting by day by day.

This is so tiring.

"Will I ever be able to make my parents proud?"

This is the question I often ask to myself.

"What if I study a lot? Be different? Not just beautiful, but intelligent as well? Will my parents finally find me worth paying attention to?"

These are some questions I often ask myself.

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PAGE 7.

Emma tells me that a good Father never denies the wish of his daughter. Should I try asking for a Dragon Ruby?

PAGE 10.

It's been 2 days since I asked my Father for a Dragon Ruby and, obviously he didn't grant my request. So I threatened him. I told him that I will starve myself. It's been 2 days. He hasn't payed a visit. Maybe he's busy.
Though I must admit, sometimes, I wonder how being in love feels like. Knowing that someone cares for you. And knowing that there is someone who prioritises you. It seems kinda weird to me, to be perfectly honest.
I read that "Time is eternal for those who love".
I find it absolutely ridiculous. How are you able to love someone for eternity amongst all these things?

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PAGE 17.

It's been another tiring day. I keep trying to find something that can make me happy, but nothing seems to bring me joy anymore. Just the same task of making my parents appreciate me. No matter what I do, they can never say "I am proud of you." I feel like I've become numb to the world, nothing phases me anymore and I can't seem to get out of this dark cloud I've been living in.

The days seem to pass by swiftly, without any events, and my days seem to be filled with emptiness and dullness. I feel disconnected from everyone and everything around me.

I skipped my meals today. I think I am gaining weight. My waist seems...not so narrow. Emma tries to convince me that this is a part of growing up. If it is, I would have read about it. Oh wait, I think I did. Though it doesn't really matter. Because if it really is a part of growing up, I prefer to not grow at all.

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PAGE 35.

My life has become a living nightmare. Every night, there's no rest for me, I'm constantly plagued with vivid images and feelings of misery and anguish. Every day is a struggle just to get through; getting out of bed is an uphill battle. Food has no taste, music has no sound. I feel completely and utterly alone, and there's no end in sight. I can't shake this overwhelming feeling of despair. There's no escape from this darkness.

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PAGE 49.

Another day has passed without anything to do. I still wonder why I am alive, and what the point was in all of this. I just wish that there was something that could make me feel something other than this emptiness. I have lost all motivation, and it feels as if there is nothing that I can do except for sit here and wallow in my own misery. Tomorrow will probably be the same, and the day after that, and the day after that...

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PAGE 62.

The world has felt empty and cold for so long, every day a seemingly endless march through a desolate landscape, devoid of meaning. Every thought and activity is an exercise in futility, pointless. Each memory is filled with regrets and bitterness, every new chance is just another opportunity for further disaster and heartache. Even the things I once loved to do are bland and unappealing. There is no end to this void, no escape - no hope.

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PAGE 77.

I cannot bear to continue on this way. I feel as if every waking moment is spent with this crushing weight upon my shoulders. Every time I attempt to shake this weight off, it only sinks even deeper. I feel as if I need to cry, but nothing ever comes, only emptiness and apathy.

I choose to give up today. This might be the last page i write. The last letter I send to you, my diary. I am sorry I am not strong enough to be able to continue maintaining you.
I know my Father's not going to live long because of his disease. So, who am I working for? Why am I working hard? What's my purpose?
I just don't see a point. I try and I try, but everyday is the same and it always feels wrong and it just keeps going with no real progress being made. It's all so pointless right now and I can't stand it anymore. My mood is at an all time low, I don't know how much more I can take. I want to give up today.
There is nothing left for me in these desolate lands, nothing to look forward to. I wish to be left alone, but I cannot escape this curse of loneliness. I truly have nowhere to turn.
Maybe, dying is an option? Yes, it is. That's what I will do. I will just kill myself.
Who is there to miss me? My father? He's going to die anytime now.

๋࣭⭑Though I really don't want to end up in hell. Not because I am scared of it. But because I know my mother will be there. And she will scold me for giving up. And because I know that she will never say the words, "I am proud of you." That will haunt me. Even when I am already in pain, she would increase my sufferings.
Goodbye, dear diary.