the world as we know it -- bellarke au

chapter twenty three - the boy from the dance

c l a r k e   g r i f f i n

Immediately, I wished I had toughed out the rest of lunch. 

When I turned the corner, I found Bellamy --- pressed against the wall with Georgia, lazily making out like neither of them had anything better to do. I had misread Bellamy leaving the table, obviously. He was trying to move on. Why wasn't I?

My stomach churning, I quietly walked down the hallway, but I wasn't unnoticed. A man who looked somewhat familiar pointed at me from down the hallway, then jogged towards me like he had been looking for me everywhere. As he got closer, I recognised him from the dance. My stomach turned. He had been one of the people I'd danced with before Murphy had gotten me to sober up. I didn't even know his name. 

"There you are," he said, in a tauntingly morose tone. "I've been looking all over for you, Blondie."

I took a step back. I didn't like the way he was looking at me. 

"What do you say you and I go for a little walk? I could show you my room. I'm very good at giving tours."

I coughed. "A little desperate, don't you think?"

He didn't like being called desperate. "I'm the desperate one? I seem to recall you being the one who couldn't get enough of me at the dance, slut."

He grabbed my arm, and my heart stopped. 

"Hey!"

Another familiar voice sounded from down the hallway. Bellamy pushed past me, putting himself between me and the guy from the dance. 

"Say that again," he said. 

"Who are you, her boyfriend?" the man said. "Because it certainly didn't seem like she had one when she---"

"Call her a slut again," Bellamy said evenly. "To my face. Go ahead."

Bellamy was shorter than the man, but he was about ten times more intimidating, especially with the gun strapped to his waist. Clearly, the man noticed this, because he didn't seem so ready to insult me anymore. 

"Whatever, man," he said, backing up. 

Bellamy turned to me. "You okay?"

I was shaking so much I forgot I had just watched him making out with Georgia. "Fine," I said quietly. I just wanted to get out of there. "I'm--- I'm going to go to Raven's. Um, have fun."

I hurried off before he had a chance to say anything else. I didn't want him to follow me, and I certainly didn't want to see him making out with Georgia anymore than I already had. 

---

I waited in Raven's room until she got back from lunch, Octavia at her side. When she saw me, her face broke into a grin. 

"You have a boyfriend!" she squealed, tackling me on the bed. 

"Ouch!" I complained. "Everyone already knows about that?"

"Seeing how giddy Luke was acting," Octavia said. "It's not like there was much of a secret to keep."

Raven sighed, gazing dreamily up at the ceiling. "Look at us go, huh? Octavia has Lincoln, I have Murphy---"

Octavia mimed retching onto the floor. 

"Oh, shut up. It's not like it'll be a forever thing, obviously. But you and Luke..." She grinned at me. 

I avoided looking at Octavia. I didn't really want to get in an argument about her and Lincoln. Besides, maybe there was some agreement to be worked out with President Wallace, since they'd already been a thing when we'd arrived at Mount Weather. 

"Have you had your perfect kiss yet?" Raven asked. 

I winced. When we had gotten to the ground, I wouldn't have dreamed that we'd be sitting in a high-tech facility talking about kissing people. And yet, it seemed like all of my friends were just waiting for the day that I learned what kissing was supposed to feel like. I found it all kind of ridiculous. Could we not just be with people and not worry about that sort of thing?

"Sure," I said, to get Raven off my case. "You were right, we just needed time."

Clearly, I hadn't been enthusiastic enough. "Oh, you liar," Octavia said, sitting down on the other side of the bed. "Are you even trying?"

"Luke said you ran off at lunch today," Raven said, nodding. "Are you already avoiding him?"

"He's a good guy," Octavia said. 

"I promise he's not also secretly dating me," Raven added.

I rolled my eyes. 

"Come on, Clarke!" Octavia said, shaking my shoulders. "Why don't you care? If I could, I'd talk about Lincoln all the time. I can't imagine my life without him in it. I don't think I'd be the same person I am right now. I'd probably be all mean and broody and horrible to be around."

"I'd probably be fine without Murphy," Raven said stubbornly. "But I like talking about him. And thinking about him. You know you don't have to be afraid of caring about other people, right? You can just let yourself be happy."

I stood up with a start. That was it. I wasn't going to brood and listen to people tell me what to do for the rest of my relationship. I had survived a drop to the ground, a war with the grounders, and two diseases that should have killed me. I could figure out how to be in a relationship with a good man who actually liked me. 

"I'll see you guys later," I said, heading back to my room. I was going to take a shower, and then I was going to find Luke. 

I didn't have to go far to look. When I got to my room, he was already standing inside, looking at my painted wall with a small smile on his face. When he saw me, he turned around. "I was wondering when you'd get back," he said. "Sorry, I let myself in."

"It's okay," I said. 

"You abandoned me at lunch," he said jokingly, crossing his arms. "Did I scare you off, or something?"

I stared at him for a minute. Octavia and Raven were right. I wasn't trying. I was just going with the flow and hoping that my feelings would get stronger. I had always been told that effort was what kept a relationship alive. "I'm sorry," I said, closing my door and walking towards him. "How about I make it up to you?"

Swallowing my fear of caring, I got down on my knees. 

"Clarke---" Luke said, but he stopped talking as my hands found his belt. I was practically shaking. I had no idea what I was doing. My confidence was, once again, getting the better of me. 

I was just starting on the button of his pants when the door to my room opened. Alarmed, I glanced behind me, and my stomach dropped.

It was Bellamy.

---

A/N: my sincerest apologies for such a short chapter but this one IS sorta filler and sets up the plot for the next little bit

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