ODDS OF LOVE

Chapter Seventeen

The night table was cluttered with more get well cards from DuBuis's family and the Mullins and the UUC church. A heart shaped purple balloon from Faith floated up to the ceiling where it stayed. The far too solemn white lilies that sat among the cards were already wilting. The lilies were supposedly from his brother and mother but he knew they were sent by Richard's long suffering and devoted secretary Nigel. Either Nigel or Richard's anorexic wife Sarah in between tennis games at the club or emptying her stomach into the toilet bowl. No. It was most likely Nigel. Nigel would do anything for Richard. Sarah hated Richard. Sarah also hated Spencer and had ever since Spencer told her that her wedding dress was highly inappropriate because it was virginal white. He still remembered the text message she had sent him the day he married DuBuis. 

Sarah : He will leave you eventually. You aren't man enough to keep him interested. Oh and is your suit white ? Very appropriate for you. So virginal. Sorry your brother and I can't make it. We have more important things to do. Toodles ! 

He had deleted it from his phone and never told anyone about it. DuBuis would have just gotten mad and called Sarah in a fury. Richard would have just made excuses for his wife or just ignored it. Richard was good at ignoring things that made him uncomfortable. Like Spencer. Sarah was right. He was a virgin who was scared of sex. And it was just a matter of time for his husband to leave him for someone better. His eyes blinked back tears. He wondered when that day would come. After all he was so useless now. And now they were trying to ship him off......

" Spencer ? Genius ? It is just a stay , a short term stay , at a good , an excellent rehab center. The Moss Center has excellent ratings and reviews. It is highly recommended. Their job will be to teach you to adapt better to your current situation. To help you. "

Spencer reached for the Sudoku cube on his empty lunch tray and absently began to fidget with it. " I do not need to adapt to anything. I do not want to. I just want to go home. I need to go home. You can take care of me far better than these Moss people can. You are a doctor. A great doctor. The best ever. You always take good care of me. "

His fingers stopped playing with the cube when an image of the fairly steep steps to their two story blue and white trim Victorian house popped into his head. How exactly would he get into the house ? How would he get into the car ? Maybe DuBuis would carry him ? That would be so embarrassing. Like he was some helpless baby instead of a man.  He didn't want that. He didn't even want the man changing his shitty diapers and emptying his catheter of piss. 

DuBuis sighed deeply and leaned forward in his chair. He smelled of stale cigarettes and bad hospital coffee. And much worry. The waves of worry seemed to fly off him. " Spencer , I'm not a physical therapist. I'm limited in what I can do to help you. I wouldn't know how to help you. Besides there are things I need to change at the house and this gives me the opportunity to get it done. Please do it ? For me ? "

Changes ? At the house ? What was going on ? Was DuBuis already planning his exit from their marriage ? Changing the locks on the doors ? Putting his belongings on the street corner for the neighbors to gawk at ? Like they had the day Dad left Mother ? Was DuBuis planning to abandon him at this rehab center place ? This prison ? Was he going to divorce him? 

His lips thinned.

His heart thudded.

His eyes chilled over.

All of a sudden his frustration boiled over into a cold anger and fury. 

" I see. You want me gone. "

" What ? "

" You want me gone ! I am useless to you now. I am nothing to you now. Right ? It's not my fault. " His lips trembled. " It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not. But you blame me for going to that store. Well. Fine. Perfect. I will go to your prison. You can have your precious house back. You can have your freedom. In fact start now. Get out. And don't come back. " 

DuBuis reared back in his chair, There was a look of pure pain on his face. He reached out for Spencer's hand but Spencer stubbornly shook his head and tucked his hands beneath his blankets. " I told you to get the hell out of here ! Leave me alone ! It's what you really want anyway ! "

DuBuis sighed wearily. He stood up abruptly. " You're just tired. I'll let you get some sleep. I'm going home. Feed the cats. Maybe take a real bath and a nap of my own. I'll see you tomorrow."

" Don't bother with tomorrow. "

After DuBuis left the room wordlessly Spencer's eyes filled with tears. He missed him already. 

" Damn it ! , " he screamed as he threw his cube across the room in a fit of rage. It hit the wall with the Get Well cards and slid downward to the cold tiled floor. It had made a loud thud when it had hit the wall. Like a bullet. 

( " Give me the ring , you little pansy ! " )

( " Man , what the fuck did you do ! You shot him ! We don't do no shooting ! Idiot ! Leave the fucking ring and let's get out of here before the pigs get here ! " )

Then he realized what he had just done. 

He threw the cube. 

It was across the room.

How would he get it ?

" DuBuis ........ " His lips trembled helplessly as he lay back against his pillows. He openly cried. " DuBuis ,I'm sorry. " 

Why ? Why did he stop for water ? Why ?