ODDS OF LOVE

Episode Forty One

" No , " Spencer said. " No. We don't all need our fathers. We need to breathe air. We need to eat food. We need to drink water. We need to expel waste which is why I am currently wearing a damn diaper. Like a baby. My husband wiped my ass. I hated that. I hate that he saw me like that. But , ma'am , we don't require the need to have fathers in our lives. Especially..... "

Lynn tilted her head to one side and peered at him through her plain black framed glasses. The lenses were dirty and clouded with fingerprints. How on earth could she see through them ? His fingers itched to clean them. He hated his own glasses being dirty. 

" Especially what , Spencer ? " 

Spencer wanted to roll his chair from her office. Go back to his cell. Talk to Hank who was actually becoming a kind of friend. They played chess most nights.  Call or text DuBuis. Call Luci , Faith , Nessa , anyone. Call Richard. Ask Richard why. 

Call his father. 

He wanted to be anywhere but here. Talking to this nosy woman with her kind eyes that saw too much. 

" I sense you were about to say something about your father. You mentioned once your parents were divorced. You said you lived with your mother and siblings in Virginia. Where does your father live ? "

Spencer's hands quickly gripped the arms of his chair. 

( " When is Daddy coming back , Mother ? I miss him. " )

( " Stop asking me nonsense , Spencer. Your father is never coming back here. He hates you. He always hated you. He wanted me to abort you. You know what abort means , don't you ? He wanted me to kill you before you were even born. You were such an embarrassment to him. Now go do your homework like a good little boy and stop asking silly questions. " )

" How should I know where that bastard lives ! I have not seen him since I was nine ! He abandoned us. He abandoned me. He left me alone with her. " He swallowed hard. " DuBuis's father died when he was nine. But he couldn't control   that. His father couldn't control  leaving. If I had.... died I couldn't control  that either. DuBuis's father died a hero. He was saving a stranger. My father was a coward. He ran away from his family. He abandoned us. he abandoned ME ! One minute he was there. The next he was gone. He used to help me with my homework. Even though I really needed no help. He tried to teach me to ride a bike. I kept falling off of it but he just laughed and said to keep going and never give up. He said he had faith in me. He was always there. To protect me from her. Mother. From all her expectations. From her control. He told me he loved me. She never once told me that. He said he would always be there. Until one day he was not. She told me he hated me. I want to ask him why he hates me. I love him. Why does he hate me ? Why did he leave me ? " 

" Well. He has touched base with you. You have his number. Maybe you should call him or text him and ask him just that. What would it hurt ? It might help. " 

" I just can't." His voice sounded so small. 

Could he ? 

Should he ?