ODDS OF LOVE

Episode Forty

" You are awfully quiet today , Spencer , " Reverend Lynn Lawton said in that light gentle voice of hers that reminded him of chirpy birds. The tall stocky Black woman was seated in the comfortable old rocking chair in her small book and plant filled office at the rehab and nursing facility. Her broad steady hands were folded upon her lap. " They say you are making good progress in your occupational therapy sessions. You might be going back home sooner than any of us thought you would. "  

Spencer sat across from her in his wheelchair. It was his second appointment with her. It was required for the inmates to meet with her. The first time he had come grudgingly. He had barely spoken to the woman then. She was nice but he didn't need nor want therapy. 

This time he sat there even more silently and watched the hands on her wall clock turn slowly. They had a hour. All he could think about was his father's texts. His fucking father. 

He shrugged his shoulders stiffly. " I'm ready to go back home. I'm quiet because what is there to talk about ? " 

" The shooting ? '

He instinctively flinched. " I don't want to discuss the accident. "

" Why do you call it an accident ? "

He sighed. " Why do you ask questions I have no intention of answering ? Ever. I will not ever discuss the accident. Except to say the police still haven't found them and probably never will. Faith said they haven't robbed the store again. "

" How does that make you feel ? "

He laughed harshly. " Next question. "

" We don't have to discuss the shooting. We can talk about anything you want. Your family for example. " 

He stared at her wordlessly. Family. What was family really ? His family was just DuBuis and Luci. Faith. Nessa. Sometimes his brother. Rarely his brother. Every day he feared losing them. That they would all just walk away from him. Like he had...... People were only nice to him because of DuBuis. Lorraine , his sister , ignored him. He heard from Richard more than Lorraine. His mother.... his mother just thought of her children as property she owned and controlled. No different than her furs and jewels and vintage cars. Or her private plane. Or her six houses. Or the chocolate company. 

Richard had no right to give that man his number.

No right. No right at all.

" He had no right , " he said harshly. He suddenly realized that he had spoken that out loud. 

Lynn lifted an eyebrow at him. " Who had no right , Spencer ? "

The next words seemed to tumble from his mouth against his own will. " My brother. My damn arrogant brother who thinks he knows so much but can't even run his own damn life. He gave that man my number. That man had no right to text me. No right. He made his choice. I am making mine right now. I don't need him. I never needed him. He is nothing to me ! "

" What I hear you saying is you feel a lot of anger towards your brother and this man. Who is this man ? "

My father , Spencer thought. 

" My father. My father who abandoned me at nine years old. I loved him so much. I looked up to him. He was my everything. He was my hero. He treated me like I was special. No. Like I was normal. How can he just think he can walk back into my life after all these years ? What are the odds of that ever happening , I ask you ? " Tears began to run down his face. She wordlessly handed him a small box of tissues from her desk. He ignored them and kept sobbing heavily. He felt like a child again. He felt so small and helpless. " Why is he back now ? Does he think I need him ? I don't need him ! I never did. " 

Lynn leaned forward in her chair and touched his arm gently. " Are you sure about that ? We all need our fathers. And maybe the one you should ask those questions to is him. " 

He swallowed hard. " I can't. "

" Why not ? "