ODDS OF LOVE

Episode Twenty Eight

 ( Trigger Warning : Past Child Abuse. )  Luci Moore stopped her nervous pacing on her uncles' wraparound front porch with its creaky white painted wooden porch swing and leafy green houseplants and slumbering cat Algebra. The tall for her age young girl sat down on the porch swing and absently crossed her blue denim jeans short wearing legs casually. Her long fingered dark brown hand with its always well chewed on fingernails reached up to twirl a strand of long cinnamon brown curly hair. She loved her hair being so long. It had taken her a long time to grow it out. Her mother hated it being long. Her mother hated it being so long that it hung halfway down her back in a playful tangle of wild curls. But Luci didn't care. She wanted hair like Aunt Faith. 

( " Edward , it is not natural for a boy to have hair this long. I'm making a barber shop appointment for you. " )

( " I'm not a boy , Moms. My name is not Edward or Eddie. My name is Luci.  With an i not a y.  Luci Ann Moore. I am keeping my hair long. I like it long. It's natural because it's on my head. " She knew it was coming as soon as the words were out her mouth. She felt her mother's hand slamming into the side of her face. Tears stung her eyes as the pain hit her all of a sudden. She hated her mother so much. )

( " Foul demon boy ! Go to your room ! Get on your knees and pray for forgiveness and to change ! Go pray your demon out of you ! ")

Luci felt her heart constrict tightly and her fingers rubbed idly at the same cheek her mother had hit. Her eyes shifted quickly to the tidy blue and white trim two story house next door. The tiny little old White lady in the faded old housedress and curlers in her grey hair still watched her suspiciously. She was watching her just like her mother and stepfather and the people at the church did. With so much suspicion and distrust and almost fear. She was only twelve. Why would anyone be afraid of her ? She couldn't hurt any of them. She would never hurt anyone. She hated violence. 

A tear squeezed against her will from one of her brown eyes , sliding carelessly down towards her lips where it tasted like bitter salt. She missed Daddy. Her real Daddy. The one who had taken her on rides in his squad car and let her turn on the siren and lights as he laughed like they shared a secret. Her real daddy who had tucked her into bed every night with her teddy bear Rusty Belle and read her the fairy tales she begged for. 

( " Daddy ? Can I be anything I want when I grow up ? "

( Malcolm Moore smiled widely at her and hugged her tightly , kissing the top of her curly head. " Of course you can , son. What do you want to be ? Fireman ? Cop like your old man ? A doctor like your Uncle D ? President ? The sky is the limit. " )

( " I want to be a princess , Daddy. "

( " I think you mean a prince , son. Boys are princes. " )

( " No. No. Princess. With long long hair and a pretty pink dress and shiny sparkling shoes and makeup. " )

( Malcolm was quiet a long time as he held his only child. Finally he said , " I just want you to be happy , son. And safe. " )

Two days later her Daddy had left forever. He went to work in his perfectly pressed uniform and never came back home again. Luci was five. 

( " No ! , " she heard her mother screaming wildly as she fell down to her knees before the uniformed police officer. She heard her mother weeping and blaming Uncle D. She still heard the screams as she raced to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet bowl. )

Her Daddy left her and family showed up with food and so many tears. Both her grannies. Her grandpa. Her great aunts and even the great uncle everyone  talked about. Her Aunt Faith. Her Uncle DuBuis and Spencer before he became her uncle. Lucy had refused to talk to anyone. Except Spencer. Spencer hadn't talked about heaven and God's love and how God just needed another rose in His garden.  Spencer talked about math. And books. She loved both topics. She talked to Spencer. She clung to the sound of his voice. She cried so much when they  left to go back home to Maryland and DC.  

( " I'm only a phone call away , Eddie. So much sentimental fuss. " )

She had called Spencer every night. They kept talking about books and math. At ten she told him her dream of being a scientist for NASA. Unlike her mother who laughed at her dream Spencer encouraged it and told her to work hard in school especially in math and science. She told him she hated her stepfather who her mother had married when she was six. Spencer told her to never hate because hating was an useless emotion.  She hadn't told him exactly why she hated Harvey. She just couldn't. 

( " You are a boy ! , " Harvey growled as he aimed the scuffed brown leather belt down against the child's bare brown back and legs. " Not a girl ! A boy ! Say it ! Say it ! " She stayed silent. The belt crashed down again. And again. And again. " Devil spawn child ! , " he spit out nastily as he grabbed her by the arms and dragged her sobbing self over to her bedroom closet. She hated that closet. It was too small and dark. She hated the dark. " NO ! , " she screamed as he threw her hard into the closet and then shoved a chair under the doorknob on the other side. " Stay in there ! Pray. Beg God for forgiveness for your sins ! " )