risk | newtmas

♡ twenty three, persistent

-'♡'-

"Hey" Teresa said as she opened the door to her dorm, thankfully it was only her in there. Thomas was terrified of what this conversation would feel like, he didn't want to have to talk about it, but if he was going to with anyone, it would be Teresa.

Thomas forced a half assed smile to his lips as he stepped into her room, he placed the bag on the floor walking over to sit on her bed.

His stomach felt empty — he felt empty.

"Whats going on?" Teresa asked, her voice gentle as if Thomas was a piece of glass waiting to break.

Thomas swallowed harshly as he opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out, the words got stuck in his throat, he felt as if he was physically unable to admit that Chuck was dead

"His funeral is on Friday." Thomas said. That was the most he could use as a description, of what had happened, even saying the words out loud caused his stomach to twist and pull at itself.

"Oh Tom." Teresa said, her face falling as she placed his hands on his shoulder, Thomas knew she would grieve this loss as well, probably differently to Thomas, but Teresa had known Chuck for a while, being basically another addition to Thomas' family.

"How are you coping" She asked, rubbing her hand comforting over his shoulders, Thomas chewed at his lip as tears reappeared in his eyes, after he had been trying his best to keep them away.

"Im not" He shrugged softly, he didn't know how he was suppose to cope with the loss of his brother, his parents told him to talk about it, don't keep it all in, but it was too much.

Honestly, if it wasn't for his parents and wanting to be there for them, he would come back to college immediately and use the distraction the best he could.

Teresa sat silently as she wrapped her arms tightly around the boy, Thomas was grateful because of the fact any sort of conversation seemed like too much at the moment.

Teresa rubbed his arm gently, resting her head on his shoulder. "Do you want to sit in silence, a distraction? to talk about it?" Teresa asked, her voice quiet and gentle.

Thomas sighed gently as he rested his head against Teresa's, "God i wish i could be distracted" He muttered under his breath, just loud enough so that Teresa could hear.

She wasn't completely sure how to reply, she just tugged her arms around him tighter, "How long are you staying back" She asked gently.

"Im leaving tonight" He said quietly, she nodded softly. "Are you coming back?" She said, her voice held guilty concern.

Thomas hummed softly, "After the funeral." He said. She pulled her head away from his, furrowing her eyebrow as she looked at him, "To stay?"

Thomas nodded, "He would kill me if i just stopped living, Im scared he might haunt me" Thomas muttered, Teresa covered her mouth to stifle a laugh, "you can't say that!" She said, slapping his arm.

A small smile made its way to his face, so small you wouldn't even be able to notice it was there if you didn't know him. Teresa smiled back.

"I think I'm coping" Thomas said softly, taking a deep breath, "I mean as much as expected, I don't want people to think I don't care but I know me sitting around thinking about it isn't making it easier" Thomas shrugged.

Teresa tilted her head softly, "coping or ignoring?" She asked, she knew Thomas like the back of her hand, she knew his tendency to ignore things until they built up and got too much.

"Coping, Resa" Thomas muttered, lying back on her bed. This was the most decent he had felt in days, and that was saying a lot since he didn't feel very decent.

He didn't know how he was suppose to go on living his life, making memories, enjoying things, being happy, when Chuck couldn't anymore.

He didn't know why he was alive and Chuck wasn't, and it was bothering him.

But Thomas knew his brother, and they knew this day was coming, they knew it was going to happen no matter what, Thomas knew losing his brother would hurt but it hurt so much more then imaginable.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, staring at him as she pulled the jacket she was wearing tighter around her shoulders.

Thomas shook his head, "Maybe after the funeral" He said softly, she nodded.

"Do you want to talk about the whole.. manwhore thing..?" She asked, just wondering if maybe that conversation would make him feel better.

Thomas hummed, sitting up, "Theres not much to say, I haven't seen him since i left, He hasn't texted, I haven't texted, he might not even remember" Thomas shrugged softly, fiddling with his fingers.

"He remembers" Teresa said softly, looking at Thomas, who furrowed his eyebrows.

"He asked about you, where you were, if you were okay, if you were upset with him" Teresa muttered, "To brenda, not me, he is smarter then to talk about you with your best friend, just not smart enough to think about the fact me and brenda talk about everything" She shrugged.

"Oh"

"Is it a bad thing?" Teresa asked, just trying to figure out where Thomas' head was on this whole thing.

"No, I don't know"

Thomas was unable to finish what he wanted to say, as a loud knock on the door rung through the room, Thomas looked at Teresa who furrowed her eyebrows.

It wasn't brenda, brenda would just walk in, so would Minho, Unsure of who it was, Teresa decided to ignore it.

Another loud knock rang through the door along with a voice, it made Thomas freeze in his place.

"Someone open the door" The british accent rung out, Thomas scrunched up his face as his eyes widened.

"I can tell him to go away" Teresa whispered softly, Thomas was almost tempted to agree with the idea.

"No its okay, I have to deal with it at some point" Thomas mutter, Teresa stared at him for a moment before another knock was heard at the door.

at least newt was persistent.

authors note
i wrote three chapters last night 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

i have a game today, as i do every sunday, hopefully we win but like lowkey who knows.

I HOPE U GUYS ARE ENJOYING

i think this book is gonna be a long book then ynmn and saudade, but also no promises bc its me and i change my mind constantly