risk | newtmas

♡ fifty three, making amends

-'♡'-

"Tom?

There was a soft knock on the door that followed the voice, it was a familiar voice, matched with the soft knocking pattern that held a soft space of nostalgia in Thomas' stomach.

"You can come in, Mum." He replied, sitting up in his bed, leaning against the headboard. He was thankfully he had decided to upgrade to a double bed before leaving for college.

The door creaked as it opened, probably because of its lack of use. "Hey honey, are you hungry?" She asked as she walked into the room.

Thomas chuckled softly, shaking his head. "I ate early, when you were out." Thomas had been home for four days — and the peace was starting to return between him and his mum, but there was still words left unsaid that they danced around.

His mother's eyebrow quirked up, in almost disbelief, but she didn't say anything, she didn't push — and Thomas was the at most thankful for that small decision.

"I haven't been in here, for months.. Not since..." Her sentence faltered. Thomas felt his face drop before he could help it, a frown adorned his features.

"You know I wasn't leaving you mum." He said simply. He wanted to get that across, no matter how the conversation went, he didn't care as long as she knew that.

A soft sigh left her mouth, Thomas watched her shoulders drop slightly. There was a small shake of her head as she walked over towards his bed.

Thomas watched as she sat down on the edge of the mattress, looking at the floor for a moment, before lifting her gaze to travel around the room, until finally they stopped on Thomas.

"I was emotional, and scared. I had just lost one of my babies, and — I was scared." She muttered, her voice held so much shame and embarrassment. Thomas felt his chest tighten with every passing second as his mother spoke.

"I know mum." He said softly, lifting the blanket that covered his legs messily, he shuffled over so he was sitting next to her.

"And I was so horrible, I was a horrible mother." She said, shaking her head as she avoided his gaze.

Thomas' eyebrows furrowed as his head tilted slightly. His hand lifted to rub gently over the elder womens back. "You are not, you were grieving and so was I." He said gently.

When a lack of response came from his mother he continued. "I was driving myself insane, and I know being here comforted you because Chuck is everywhere here, but it drove me insane, that he was here but not actually here. We perceived it in two different ways and thats okay, mum." He said softly.

His hand continued to draw simple soft circles over his mother's back. His eyes running over the side of her face as she continued to look at the floor.

He sighed gently, "Im sorry. For not being here, I'm sorry for not being more understanding." He said softly.

His mother was quick to shake her head in response. "No- No. You don't need to apologise for anything, sweet boy. I should've been better. Im sorry." She said softly.

Her arms opened and extended, in seconds her arms were wrapped gently around the younger boy's shoulders. He hugged her back gently.

Thomas felt her chest hiccup against his own, he squeezed his eyes shut as his face rested on her shoulder, buried in her neck.

"I love you." His mother said softly. Thomas felt his stomach shake with the familiar hesitation— Now more than ever was most important.

There was a shake in his breath, "'love you, mum" He muttered into her neck, trying to find comfort in the words instead of uncomfortably in the familiarity — or lack of.

There was a moment of content silence between the two before his mother pulled herself out of the hug, Thomas was quick to accept that the moment of physical contact was over — he was quick to realise it was one he had needed — from his mother — for so long.

"So you have a boyfriend?" She asked. There was a brief moment of silence before Thomas started laughing, shaking his head.

"Dad told you?" He asked, although there was no doubt that was exactly what had happened.

His mum nodded, Thomas raised his eyebrow. "I see, so you actually came in here to get the gossip on my love life?" He teased gently, crossing his arms over his chest.

His mother nodded dramatically. "Oh yeah, that whole thing was fake, you think i should take up acting?" She asked, adding a soft wink in there, making Thomas' smile widen.

"Oh for sure" He nodded in agreement, a warm smile on his face.

His mother mirrored his expression, before shaking her head. "But no seriously. Who is he?" She asked.

Thomas rolled his eyes softly. "His name is Newt, he is blonde, shorter than me, really nice, you'd like him." Thomas rushed out.

His mother smiled widely as she watched her son's features soften completely at just the pure mention of the boy. If there was a look of complete love, it was the look on Thomas's face.

"Do we get to meet him?" She asked softly, crossing her arms over her chest with a raise in her eyebrow, trying to put on a stern voice that seemed so unfamiliar.

"You wont. He is coming a day after you guys leave." Thomas said, his tone laced with dramatic and fake pity for his parents, making his mum gasp, whacking his arm with the back of her hand gently.

"Unfortunately that just wont cut it. We want to meet the boy who has you gushing like an idiot" His mother said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Youre an idiot" He said, shaking his head as his tone replicated her own, the same teasing gentleness, full of love.

His mother smiled but her eyebrows never dropped from their raised positioning, obviously she wasn't going to drop the idea.

Thomas chuckled before shaking his head, letting out a soft sigh.

"Gosh, If it means that much to you dad and I can facetime him later."

authors note
updates are gonna be slow as fuck tbh, im still on a break but i felt insanely guilty not updating, i think its the people pleaser in me, im sorry 🙏🙏

if this is horrible, im sorry it was such a struggle to write i am so not with it at the moment, this chapter is probably the worse thing i have ever written, like im pretty sure i wrote better things in the fourth grade but oh well.

i love you guys forever, thank you endlessly for the unconditional support and love you guys give me, i appreciate it SOOOO much.