Dogs of War

Chapter 34

"You should have told me." Ghosts words are soft, but the pain I can feel seeping through his body makes me wince.

"Ghost-"

"I know you meant no harm, Wolf," the nickname soothing me. "But I thought there were no secrets between us?"

I swallow hard and step closer, the movement seeming to trigger him into action. His arm snaps out dragging me in against his body, arms wrapping around me as if he's afraid I'm going to disappear like his family. Blend into the ether like everyone he's ever loved. His head rests onto of mine between my ears, and I know to get into this position he's hunched awkwardly.

"I swear," I say, face pressed against his chest muffling my words. "I assumed Price told you. I never would have expected to just get the file without you being informed. Maybe Price assumed I'd already asked you for permission?" My words don't bring forth a reply except arms squeezing tighter around me and I feel drops of water against my head. As I realise what's happening, my heart breaks, my own arms wrapping around Ghost squeezing as hard as I can to try and reassure him I'm still here. My hands run along his back imitating every soothing movement Ghost has ever given me and trying to return it tenfold.

Not a sound escapes Ghost except a steady breathing, and if my heightened senses hadn't picked up on the dampness in my fur, and the turmoil of emotions within Ghost I never would have realised he was falling apart right now.

"Hey," I say softly, trying to turn my voice as soothing as possible. "It's ok. I've got you. It's ok." We stay like that for gods knows how long and I am grateful with every ounce of my being that no one comes anywhere near this hallway. Ghosts mask still in his hands as he breaks down in my arms. It's a strange and bizarre situation to see my stoic, dry humoured handler showing this side of himself. The silence of his crying makes me wonder how many nights he's laid awake perfecting the art of crying silently so no one can hear him. That thought breaks my heart even more, knowing how alone he's been all this time.

I continue whispering reassuring meaningless words unsure of what else to say except just trying to reassure him that I'm there for him.

He takes in a deep inhale, no doubt trying to take in the scent of me as deeply as possible before he breaks away. His eyes are red rimmed, and his cheeks are tear stained, but apart from that, I might not have known he'd been crying. A quick face wash and I might assume he'd been smoking weed rather than crying. I was jealous he wasn't even puffy.

I reach up to wipe the tears from his cheeks and he lets me, the pad of my fingers scratching along the day old fuzz feathering along his jawline.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. The sad smile he returns for anyone else might have indicated he wasn't quiet ready to forgive, but I knew he'd forgiven me before this had all started, but I knew I'd triggered something I still didn't understand.

"Do you remember after you woke up? Soap and I had an argument. He said I only trusted you because I saw you as an animal. That I couldn't fully see you as anything truly human."

I nod slowly. "I vaguely remember that day. I was mad with Soap."

"You were?" Ghost startles, eyes wide as he finally looks at me properly.

"Yeah." I give him good eye contact. "I trust you regardless of how you see me. And to be fair, there are times when I'm almost completely animal. My instincts run so deep I almost can't go against them. Just like a loyal dog, you'll find I'm unlikely to betray you for anything, or I'll find it extremely difficult. So if you want to treat me as the animal side of me," I shrug carelessly, "go ahead. You still treat me with more kindness, empathy and respect than any candidate handler gave me when I was mostly human.'

Ghost coughs nervously eyes staying firmly on me. "Oh..." He pauses, stumped. "Good to know."

"You've been carrying around his words this whole time? It's been months." I tilt my head to the side, curiosity taking over my movements as I try to figure out what's making Ghost tick in this moment. Normally it's easy to figure out my handler, but this explosion of emotion was sudden and I have no idea why.

He nods slowly, biting on his cheek, an anxious habit I feel he's picked up from me. "Yeah. And I just kept thinking you never asked about my past, the mask... anything." He trails off, leaving me confused as ever.

"Ok. And?" I prompt.

"Well, I began thinking maybe you thought the same way, that I expected you just to be the animal, and that you shouldn't pry any deeper. I got into my own head, just digging deeper and deeper into the thoughts that you were just playing the way you thought I expected from you..."

"Ghost, grow the fuck up," I say. He stares at me, jaw agape as I speak harshly at him. I cross my arms and don't give him a chance to butt in. "Do you really think I chose you after holding out for a year longer putting my life at risk in the process just to choose an asshole who expects me to play a part in his fantasies? Why would I choose you and move away from my home when I could have had any asshole in the Australian SAS who would have treated me like that? No, get your head out of your ass and stop panicking."

"Thats uncalled for." he crosses his arms and I feel the flare of anger bubbling within his chest. A burst of pride digs into mine and I decide to coax that flame of anger a little more.

"Is it really, Ghost? You're out here crying like a baby because you thought I was pretending to appease you?"

He glares at me now, and I can feel that anger burning away at the empty depression that had been filling him previously. "Fuck you," he growls, stepping I to my space and towering over me. "I'm meant to be able to trust you, and here I am finding out you've read my file?"

"Did you really expect me to move all the way here without knowing about you in more depth?" My counterpoint has him pausing as the cogs turn and I can smell the defeat even as he tries to rally more anger to fight back. "You should have told me," he snaps.

"Ghost, why do you wear the mask?" I change topics, and it clearly words as I see him physically recoil and frown.

"What?"

"Why do you wear the mask? It's clearly not to hide any deformities." As I say that, his fingers come up to smooth across the scar making his lips jagged. "That's not a deformation. That's just a part of you, makes you look daring and winsome in my opinion. So. Why do you wear the mask?"

His eyes flick from me and away again, stumped at the change of questioning before he mutters something under his breath. My keen ears pick up the words and I bark out a laugh.

"No shit?" I say leaning into his personal space, his anger now disrupted as he gives me a small tight grin. "Yeah, it's to hide my face."

"Jesus Christ, Ghost. I thought you had a bigger reason. I thought maybe you were just kinky and wanted everyone to know about it."

He freezes before a shocked chuckle sounds through the hallway. "Jesus," he says really pulling on the 'e' sound. "How do you do that?" he sobers up, the laughter dying down.

"Do what?"

The eye roll in response doesn't really answer my question. "Send me into a depressive spiral, piss me off shock me and then make me turn to laughter?"

I shrug, a wide grin on my face. "Skills," I say, my voice a cheeky teasing tone. "Now about we get dinner, and you can tell me more about your history?"

He hesitates and nods slowly. "Lead on, mutt," he says, opening his arms expansively. 

A/n: if you're interested in reading ahead I am two chapters ahead on my patreon, along with bonus chapters that will not be featured here for various reasons. Link to patreon can be found on profile page. Chapters will be posted there much faster than I'm uploading to other platforms.