ASCENDANCY (Feyd-Rautha)

CHAPTER FIVE

I sat on the porch, swirling Silas' shirt through the soapy water in the basin, letting the suds soak deep into the fabric. My mother was hunched over her rosebushes, clipping away any suspicious growths. Scrubbing away my blood seemed to be a tedious task.

"Did you get along well with Silas earlier?" My mother asked, her voice light yet probing.

"I suppose." I replied.

"Don't tell him I told you this," She said, lowering her voice to start a gossiping session. "...I think his family is struggling financially."

"Oh?"

"Well, I haven't seen their children in anything other than hand-me-downs for the past year. And the mother, once a shopaholic, now checks all the price tags of her groceries before buying them." She said, her voice dripping in faux empathy. Watching other families stumble was one of her guilty pleasures.

I lifted the shirt out of the basin, holding it up to the light, searching for any sign of the stain.

"Does this look clean, or are my eyes deceiving me?" I asked, holding it for her inspection. 

She glanced over, squinting her eyes as she scrutinized the fabric. "Perfectly clean. Is that Silas' shirt?" She asked.

I wrung out the excess water, twisting the fabric taught. "Yes. He got dirt on it when we were taking down the tree. I offered to wash it for him" I said carefully, hoping her Bene Gesserit skills had dulled enough to not catch the lie. "It is strange, though," I mused, lifting the damp shirt and pinning it to the line. "Silas seemed so confident..." I trailed off, watching the fabric sway gently in the breeze. "I don't know. Something feels off."

My mother clipped another branch from the rosebush.

"People often put on a brave face when they are struggling," She said calmly. "It is a way of maintaining dignity, I suppose."

"I feel like he's hiding something from me." I said, my voice low.

"Does he have any reason to deceive you?" She asked, not looking up from her careful pruning. "Trust your instincts, Abigail," she added. "They are often more accurate than we realize."

The next morning, I took Silas's shirt down from the drying line. Sitting on the porch steps, I folded it carefully my lap. The act felt oddly maternal, like carrying a basket on your hip or kneading dough at a kitchen table. I had never desired motherhood. I would serve as a concubine if the Order demanded it, but I would never willingly burden a child with my care. 

I stayed seated, gazing over the garden where I had grown up, waiting for Silas to arrive. When he finally appeared, he hurried toward me, grinning wide and careless. 

I smiled back, hesitantly. "Here's your shirt." I said, holding it out.

"Thanks!" He said brightly, taking it. He dropped down beside me, cupping my cheek in his hand and pressing his mouth to mine.

"I thought you should know," I said, pulling back slightly. "I am leaving for Kaitain tomorrow morning."

His smile vanished.

"You can't leave. Not yet. What about your mother? She needs you here! I need you here!" His voice was pleading, desperate.

"I have duties as a Bene Gesserit," I said coolly. "War is looming. Staying would be selfish when the Order relies on me"

"Just... Just stay. I love you!" He burst out, almost choking on the words. "I was up all night thinking about asking for your hand in marriage."

"Why?" I asked, my voice flat.