ASCENDANCY (Feyd-Rautha)

CHAPTER FIVE

I sat on the porch, swirling Silas' shirt around in a basin to get the soap to soak all the fabric. My mother was leaning over her rosebushes, clipping away any suspicious growths. Scrubbing away my blood seemed to be a tedious task.

"Did you get along well with Silas earlier?" My mother asked.

"I suppose" I responded. I had given our last interaction a lot of thought. I wanted to know why I sensed such strong feelings of dread in him.

"Don't tell him I told you this, but I think his family is struggling financially" She said, clearly wanting to start a gossiping session.

"How so?" I asked.

"Well I haven't seen their children in anything other than hand-me-downs for the past year. And the mother used to be a shopaholic, but now she checks all the price tags of her groceries before buying them" My mother said, in a fake empathetic voice. Watching other families fail was one of her guilty pleasures. I lifted the shirt out of the basin, looking closely for any signs of the stain.

"Does this shirt look clean, or are my eyes deceiving me?" I asked my mother, holding up the shirt for her.

"It looks perfectly clean. Is that Silas' shirt?" She asked.

"Yes. He got dirt on it when we were taking down the tree. I offered to clean it for him" I said. I hoped her Bene Gesserit skills were rusty enough for her to not notice I wasn't telling the whole truth. I hanged the shirt up to dry and went back in the house before she could say anything.

The next morning I took Silas' shirt down from the drying rack. I sat down on the porch steps and folded the shirt in my lap. The act felt oddly motherly. Like carrying a basket on your hip or kneading a dough of bread. I have never had much desire to be a mother. I would serve as a concubine if the order needed it of me, but I would not burden a child with my parenting willingly. I continued to stay seated, looking over the garden I grew up in, waiting for Silas to arrive. He came walking hurriedly towards me with a wide grin. I smiled back, hesitantly.

"Here is your shirt" I said, reaching it out to him.

"Thanks!" He said, taking it. He sat down next to me, before placing his hand on my cheek and pressing his mouth to mine.

"I thought you should know that I am going back to Kaitain tomorrow morning" I told him. His face dropped.

"You can't leave. Not yet. What about your mother? She needs you here! I need you here!" He said, his voice desperate.

"I have duties as a Bene Gesserit. And war is looming. Staying here would be selfish when the Order relies on me" I said to him, slightly bitter for raising his voice at me.

"Just... Just stay. I love you! I have been up all night thinking about asking for your hand in marriage!" He said, growing even more desperate.

"Why?" I asked.

"Our families would be so good together. If we married, your mother would have another family in law, so she might not be so lonely when you are away!" He continued.

"I know you do not love me Silas. I can sense your feelings, and love is not among them. There is no tenderness, no worry for my well-being, barely any affection" I said. His face stiffened.

"Your senses are wrong" He said quietly.

"No they're not. I understand now. You told me everything you do is for your family. That is why you want to marry me, why you have fought so hard to get close to me. Your family going broke. You need my money, don't you?" I say, disgust in my eyes. I feel shameful for not having seen it before.