ASCENDANCY (Feyd-Rautha)

CHAPTER NINE

Dreams are messages from the deep.

I walked through the night of the desert. I did not care if the sandworms could feel the thumping of my feet. My entire body trembled in guilt from the horrendous scene before me. Thousands of Fremen lay splattered on the ground, their Sietch obliterated. The stone of their fallen home was covered in their blood. I fell to the ground, feeling my soul die. I let my body sink into the sand and be consumed whole by the shai-hulud.

I awoke startled, early the in the morning, from Amma coming to check on me. My body felt bruised from the previous night.

"My Lady. I am sorry for waking you this early, I just wanted to see that you were alright" Amma asked, standing with her hands clasped by my bed. I sat up, still shaken from my dream.

"I am fine, thank you Amma" I responded. Suddenly, she gasped in a horrified manner, and sat down on my bed to inspect the wound on my shoulder. She pulled the neck of my nightgown to the side to get a better look on it.

"You have been bitten" She said.

"Oh, right. It was just in the heat of the moment, I did not mind it" I tried to comfort her, though the worried lines on her forehead remained deep.

"So he did not force himself on you?" She asked.

"No, not at all. It was I who begged him for his seed" I told her.

"Why?" She asked, seeming almost disappointed in me, though she pulled back quickly.

"Forgive me, my Lady. I do not mean to pry" She said hurriedly, arising from my bed and regaining her typical meek stance.

"As a Bene Gesserit, it is my duty to give children" I explained to her. Giving a boy to the Order came above giving an heir to Feyd-Rautha.

"Of course" She replied, nodding.

"I will clean your wound for you and draw you a bath, my Lady" She said before scurrying off to the washroom.

"You are no longer my servant, Amma, you really needn't" I said after her, but to no avail. She returned with a first aid kit in her hands. 

I unbuttoned my dress and let it fall from my shoulders so that she could get better access. I did not mind undressing in front of her. It was like being naked in front of your pet, it doesn't really matter. 

She carefully cleansed the wound with a piece of cotton, before smearing on a healing ointment with her fingers. Lastly, she placed a bandage over it.

"I will return later to change the bandage for you" She said.

"No, Amma. It is not your job to do such things for me" I said, my voice a little too harsh. 

"There are many interesting books in the library, perhaps you could find yourself a book to read?" I suggested. I wanted her to rid of her servant mentality but serving had been her only purpose in life so far. Doing things for herself seemed foreign to her. 

I sensed she was hurt by my words.

"My Lady" She said, bowing her head before exiting my chambers.

I struggled to dress myself after my bath. The terrors of my dreams made me feel unwell. I wished that I could somehow convince the na-Baron to withhold the violence, but I feared that would have him lose trust in me. I needed to seem like I was fully on his side. I knew the Order would also chastise me for hindering Feyd-Rauthas success. All my logic told me it was best to let the bombing happen, but I feared for my humanity.