ASCENDANCY (Feyd-Rautha)

CHAPTER TWELVE

All people need pain, for it is what gives us substance. Without pain, a person will be forever flighty and untouched. Truly, it is unhealthy to never be in agony. Sweat, blood, drool, tears, it is all necessary, for without it you cannot be human.

I made sure to wear fine clothing for our arrival on Giedi Prime, an elegant dress in a deep red, and a mesh veil made of golden chains. I wore my hair up, exposing my neck and collarbones.

I was in the seating lounge alongside Amma. I hoped the sudden acceleration of our bond had not made her uncomfortable. We did not speak as we travelled. She sat in a polite manner, with her hands clasped in her lap and her back held straight – always ready for conversation if I was to initiate it. I sat lazily in my chair, with my elbow on the armrest, holding my head up with a hand under my chin. I sighed deeply, my eyes lost in thought, staring at the floor. I dreaded having to be in the presence of Feyd. I had degraded myself the other day, I feared any respect he might have held for me was gone now.

"Excuse me." I mumbled as I got up from the chair. I wandered off and out of the lounge room hastily, Amma following my movements with her eyes.

"Feyd," I spoke as I entered the room at the front of the ship. He seemed to always reside in the command room when we travelled, where the guild navigators and steersmen piloted the starship. "May I speak with you?" I asked him as he turned to look at me.

"Come." He replied as he walked past me and into the hallway. I followed behind him. "What is it?" He asked impatiently once the sliding door to the command room had closed.

"I wanted to apologize for my outburst the other day. Pregnancy is affecting my mind." I excused myself, hoping to make the tension lighter during the festivities on Giedi Prime.

"Is it not too soon for all that? I have heard it takes at least a month before the body is affected" He replied with an attitude.

"Well you have never been with child, so I do not believe you have the authority to give your opinion." I grew annoyed at his arrogance.

"I have the authority to do whatever I please." He spoke back. His voice was low and threatening, just as it almost always was.

"If that were true, then you would not currently be wed, with a child on the way." Challenging him was an easy way to win back his affection.

"You hold far too much nerve for a woman in your position." He said, bitterness in his voice.

"And what position is that?" I asked, acting virtuous.

"Do you wish to know the truth?" He asked, evil in his eyes. "I think you are a perverse parody of a woman. You act as if I ache for your desire, but I am na-Baron Feyd-Rautha. I am no lost puppy-dog who wags my tail at your affection," He spoke, standing close to me. It was clear he had given the matter grave thought. "Your mind is weak, and your services are scarce. With each passing day, my regret for marrying you grows." He spoke his harsh words at me. I could not hide my shock for his vile expressions.

"Do you feel prideful of your cruelty?" I asked in a callous voice, attempting to hide my sorrow. I despised myself for the feelings I held for him. They were truly the epitome of weakness.

"Fear keeps people on their knees for me." He explained. To other people, that was his greatest weapon. His hold of me was strong, but not because I feared him. It was my grave need for his applause that weakened me.

"You must feel at a loss that I do not fear you, then." I spoke, looking up at him. He took another step closer, looming over me like a burning sun to an already overheated planet.