ASCENDANCY (Feyd-Rautha)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

What makes a murderer? I had always believed murder could only be defined by the act of one person ending another person's life. Though as I have aged, I have come to believe that devastating someone to the point of an alteration in their soul, could also count as murder. All rapists are truly murderers, as well as people who torture, or torment. I wondered if I had carried the label of murderer long before ending the life of Zehish, the Fremen mother of Sietch Hagga.

I called Amma to my chambers, needing to feel cared for. The housekeeper had been dealt with. I did not know how they had disposed of her body, but she was gone soon after I had alerted the guard of the incident. As was the bloody mess she had left behind.

"My Lady." Amma spoke upon entering my chambers. Her eyes were plastered to the floor, she looked terrified. The little confidence she had obtained with me seemed completely shattered.

"So you know, then. Is the word circulating among the workers that I have gone mad?" I questioned her.

"No." She responded, her petrified look was starting to annoy me.

"Speak the truth to me, Amma." I said to her a bit too harsh. Her body trembled at the raise of my voice.

"I believe they hold more respect for you now. They did not fear you, before." She replied. I stood with my arms crossed in front of her.

"I suppose that is a good thing," I replied, sighing. "I do not want you to fear me. I need at least one woman in this desolate place who will speak to me with frankness." I told her, though likely to no avail.

"Of course." She muttered in her frail and quiet voice.

"Help me wash." I spoke to her as I headed into the washroom. She followed hesitantly behind. 

I stripped myself of my clothes and got into the steaming water of my bath. The front of my hair was still stained red from the blood. Amma knelt on the hard stone floor next to the tub and helped soak my hair in the water.

"There is a stool by my desk, if you wish to sit more comfortably." I said with my eyes closed, enjoying the sensation of her grooming me.

"I am fine, thank you." She responded as she worked. I opened my eyes and looked at her with disappointment for not doing anything to help herself.

"Just get the stool." I spoke impatiently. She nodded at my words and hurried out of the washroom, returning again quickly carrying the wooden stool. She placed it by the tub and got back to working on my hair. She lathered it with soap, massaging my scalp as she did. I could sense her apprehension clearly.

"Do not worry. She was the aggressor, I did not attack her unprompted. My mind is still sound." I tried to assure her. I did not want her fearing I could do the same to her.

"My devotion is secured. I would not abandon you, even if it had been unprompted." She spoke slowly.

"That is good to hear, Amma. I hope you know that I am grateful to have you here with me." I replied as she started to wash the soap out of my hair.

"Of course. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve you." She replied.

"It is strange. All I have ever wanted in life is power. And now that I finally hold it..." I spoke as I stared at the wall ahead of me. I sighed painfully before I continued. "I want nothing more than to be a young girl again." I choked on my words, my eyes welling up with tears. I felt more naked in front of her than I ever had before. 

She squeezed the water out of my clean hair with her pale, slender hands.

"I am certain you will find her once more." She spoke as she gently caressed my head in her hands. And as a burning tear fell from my eye, she placed a tender kiss on my forehead. An affectionate action that gave me a rare sense of security. Knowing that she was somebody who cared, somebody I could confide in. A boulder of fear and uncertainty was lifted from my chest, and suddenly, I could breathe a little easier.