Down Bad (Buck x Eddie)

Chapter Ten: Down Bad

Down Bad by Taylor Swift (the title track of the book)
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Evan "Buck" Buckley

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"You what-" Maddie asks, shocked, as she pours two cups of coffee. We sit down on the couch and she faces me.

"I had sex with Eddie."

She sits there in complete and utter shock and I give her a moment to process what I just told her, "So you're?"

"It's not that simple, I'm not straight, but I don't think I'm fully gay." I explain and she nods.

"Bisexual? Pan? Ace?" No

I shrug, "I dunno yet, still figuring that part out."

Maddie nods and takes a sip of her coffee, "I'm happy for you, Buck. Truly."

This was scary, really, so I'm glad that Maddie is accepting of it. I never even thought about being gay, but at the same time, I valued my relationships with the women I've been with in the past. Like Abby.

Does that make me bisexual, then? Maybe, but I think I need to spend more time thinking about it. This is all so new to me. I set my mug on the table and lean toward my sister, and wrap my arms around my sister, hugging her.

"Thank you, Maddie." I tell her and she nods, hugging me back. We let go and she clears her throat, preparing to say something. Big day with big reveals, huh?

"So, Buck, I wanted to let you know, I'm going on a date with someone, and you know them," She starts, "I'm going on a date with Howie."

"Chimney? You guys are going on a date?" This is shocking info, but not surprising. They're both single and they're both looking for something new. Chimney had a messy break-up last year, and hasn't been with anyone since, "Where are you going? How did this happen?"

"Well, the night at the bar? Once you and Eddie left, and Hen headed home, Howie and I started talking and we ended up going back to his apartment and we talked all night." She tells me with a small smile growing on her face.

I'm glad she's happy. Maddie didn't have a great previous relationship either. She had been with Doug since she was fourteen and somehow, and it turns out that he's a huge piece of shit.

"When's the date? Where's he taking you?"

"Well, we're going to this restaurant on the coastline Sunday night. Anyways, you have anything else planned with Eddie next week?"

I shake my head, "Not yet, but that doesn't mean there won't be any."

She nods and the rest of the night is spent talking about how vastly our lives have changed in the span of a year.
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When I return to the station for my shift, everything's in disarray.

I approach Bobby as he looks over a checklist, "What happened here?"

"One of the B shift guys left the door open when they were responding to a call and someone came in here and destroyed the place. Stuffs been stolen, money, equipment, medicine." He explains with a tired sigh, Hen and Chimney enter a few seconds later and ask the same question. Bobby sighs and gives them the same answer.

"We're going to have a meeting about it tonight." Bobby mumbles as he goes off toward his office.

Before he can reach the door though, the alarm goes off, and with no sign of Eddie, we gather what we can and hop on the first engine we can.

As we speed through Los Angeles, I begin to think about what possibly could make it so Eddie isn't here? Where is he?

I shouldn't be this concerned about someone I just met, right? No, I shouldn't

Speaking of people I just met, I'm just now registering that Hannah is sitting directly across from me, her eyes dead set on me as if trying to find an answer to a question that even I don't know.

I meet her gaze and it quickly drifts out the window.

"What's your deal?" Chimney asks loudly into the headset. He must've noticed our awkward staring.

Hen looks between Hannah and I, concerned, "Is everything good?"

"I dunno, is everything good Buck?" Hannah asks, shooting daggers at me.

I attempt to respond, but we're interrupted by Bobby, "This isn't high school, guys. Whatever it is, we can deal with it at the station?"

"Sounds like a great idea, Cap." Hannah's says, eyes still locked on me.

Oh god, oh my fucking god.

I'm gonna have to tell Bobby about the hook-up
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Eddie Diaz
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The last forty eight hours have been unexpected to say the least.

Not only did I have sex with Buck, but my I got a call back from Texas.

My Mom died.

The first person I called after I got the call was Bobby, and he understood why I would be gone for a few days, telling me that if I need to talk about it, to stop by his office.

So as Christopher and I sit in the living room of my  abuela's house, everything and everyone is silent.

The funeral director just left.

She apparently died of a heart attack in her sleep.

"Oh, Edmundo, I'm sorry that this is what brought you back to Texas." Abuela says as she clasp my shoulder with an old, shaky hand.

"It doesn't feel real." I mutter, Christopher is zoned out, playing something on my phone.

My Mom's never even going to know that I'm gay. She's never going to learn that I'm seeing a guy who's sweet and loves me and my son.

She's never going to meet him.

Then again, who's to say that Buck would even stick around long enough for that anyway.

Nothing in life is guaranteed. Ever.
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The funeral just so happened to be on the one day of the year it rained in the small town where my family now resides.

We stand out in the rain and over the freshly poured dirt that covers her shiny casket.

I still haven't heard from Buck about my absence so either Capt. told him, or I don't mean as much to him as I thought.

How am I so down bad for someone I just met a month ago?

Someone who despised me the first week of knowing me, without even really knowing me at all.

I lie in what was my childhood bed and stare at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and I begin to wonder, where did I go wrong?

What did I do to end up down this path of life?

I'm down bad for a guy who doesn't even know if he's gay, I'm a single dad hundreds of miles from my family, and my Mom, the one person who I could trust with my secret, is dead. How Christopher sleeps quietly at my side and I'm reminded of why I am here. I'm here for him.

He turns over in his sleep and faces the window. I can't stop myself from embracing him and holding him tightly as the tears escape my eyes.
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Sorry for the long postponed chapter. I went to publish it Monday but my changes weren't saved and the entire chapter was erased unfortunately so I had to rewrite the entire chapter.

Anyways, I hope to get another chapter out in a few days!

- kc