Down Bad (Buck x Eddie)

Chapter Eighteen: Breathe and Begin Again

this chapter contains mentions of off-screen suicide. please read with caution and take care of yourself <3

Let it Rock - Kevin Rudolf
Begin Again - Taylor Swift
Breathe - Taylor Swift

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Evan Buckley
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The heart monitor beeps quietly as Eddie lies on the bed, intubated.

"You need to get through this Eddie. For me, and for Chris."  I tell him as I hold his hand in mine, I plant a kiss against his knuckles, "God, if you make it through this, I'm never letting you go."

I pause as I think about it for a moment before I say it, "I dunno if you can hear me, but if you can, when you wake up, I'm going to marry you."

Eddie lies still and unmoving. I hear the door crack open and Chris enters with Maddie. They're both changed and Chris has the blood washed off of him.

"How is he?" Maddie asks as she approaches. Chris crawls onto the bed with his Dad.

"His vitals are normal, but they're keeping him under to help him heal from his injuries. They're gonna try to take the tube out later."

Maddie knows what this means, but I can't say it around Chris.

They're going to remove the tube to see if he can breathe on his own and if he doesn't, then they're going to declare him as dead.

I need him to wake up. I need my Eddie Diaz to just open his damn eyes. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without him. Without Eddie by my side. The Buckey Barnes to my Captain America, the Dean to my Castiel.

He is my other half.

And I need him to wake the fuck up.

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Eddie Diaz
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Nothing around me feels particularly normal. I'm in my own world, and I can't tell if this is the afterlife or a coma dream, but it's messy.

I turn down the next hallway and suddenly, I'm back in high school. Shannon on my arm and I make awkward eye contact with Scott.

The first man I ever kissed.

Scott was a senior when Shannon and I were juniors and was on the football team. He was built like an absolute truck, but had the all-American boy-ish look going for him.

Everyone loved him. Teachers, students, men and women. He was genuinely a good guy.

"Eddie, are you okay? You've been kinda quiet today?" Shannon stops, spinning around to face me.

See, this is weird, because this is a moment I remember, but I also remember Buck and Chris and the 118.

"Yeah, just shocked from what we talked about yesterday." I replied. It's like I was watching the moment, but had no control over it.

"I was hoping you'd be a little happier, Eddie."

The night before, she gave me a promise ring, saying she wanted to be together forever. But forever is terrifying. Especially when, the past nights before, it wasn't her I was imagining when we had sex. I would disappear into my mind and see Scott.

"I will be, just give me some time, 'kay?" I replied and she nodded. The bell rang, and I went to my first class. Gym.

That was when things had gotten complicated. After gym class, Scott and I were conveniently the only ones in the locker room, everyone else had cleared out.

"Diaz. You got a boner for me or something?" He asks and approaches from the other side of the lockers. I had been sitting on the bench. I shook my head. It was a lie.