Down Bad (Buck x Eddie)

Chapter Thirteen: I Don't Want to Live Forever

Song: I Don't Want to Live Forever By Taylor Swift & Zayn
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Eddie Diaz
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It's been a month since my Mom died and I still can't sleep for a full eight hours. My sleep is interrupted by nightmares, one after another.

It's also negatively affecting Chris, because he's been waking up in the middle of the night screaming or crying.

Needless to say, he's been waking up hogging half of my bed.

Just as I'm about to order pizza for dinner, there's a knock at the door and Christopher rushes to open it. Buck stands in the doorway and immediately picks Christopher up.

"How's my favorite guy doing?" He asks and Christopher chuckles and tells Buck something quietly. Buck sets him down and enters the kitchen.

"And how's my other favorite guy doing?" He tilts my chin toward him. I sigh, but press my forehead to his.

His arms wrap tightly around me and pull our bodies closer together. I can feel his taunt muscles underneath his shirt as our bodies press together. What would usually give me a hard on, doesn't effect me.

I don't know what this depressive state is, but I don't like it.

"Eddie, is everything okay?"

I nod, but slowly turn my head away, not being able to meet his gaze. He frowns and grabs my face so our eyes lock.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

I sigh again and sit down, he sits down with me, leaning inward. Chris is in the living room, watching TV. He won't hear what I have to tell Buck.

"I haven't been eating or sleeping properly since my Mom died, Buck. I can feel that darkness taking me over again and it's eating me alive, but Chris needs me to be strong for him, and so I shove it down, but I don't know how much longer I can fight it." I tell him in a hushed whisper and he takes my hand in his calloused palm.

"Eddie," He thinks for a moment, "You don't always have to put a brave face on. Did you see if Shannon's parents can watch him, so you can have some time on your own?"

I nod, "They're on vacation in Costa Rica right now. They won't be back for two weeks."

He sighs and nods, stroking my hand with his thumb, then he leans toward me and takes me in his arms and everything feels as if it's moving in slow motion.

I hear Christopher's foot steps as he enters the kitchen, but at the same time, I bury my face in Buck's shoulder and I let it all out. Buck notices Christopher and opens our embrace, pulling him in, then picking him up and holding him between us. He holds both of us in his strong embrace.

Chris doesn't say a word, understanding exactly where my head's at, because chances are, his is in a similar place.

Despite where my head is at, in Buck's arms, I feel as though the fog is lifting and everything doesn't feel as heavy as it did.

We stand there like that for a moment, then Buck releases and sets Christopher down.

"Chris, your Dad here is sad about your Grandma passing away. I hear it's been making you sad too. Do you want to talk about it?" Buck asks.

Christopher frowns, "I just miss my Gramma."

Buck kneels to Christopher's level and holds his shoulders, "I lost my Grandma when I was about your age. It made me really sad too, but do you know what we can do to feel better?"

He pauses for a moment, "We remember all of the good memories we have of them."

Christopher nods with a frown, "Like when we went to the aquarium?"