Down Bad (Buck x Eddie)

Chapter Eleven: The Moment I Knew

- Cardigan - Taylor Swift

- The Moment I Knew - Taylor Swift

Two notes before we start: this chapter contains discussions of suicidal ideation and second, stay tuned till the end for a preview of Chapter Twelve!

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Eddie Diaz
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I'm still coping with her death, but I have to return to work. I have bills to pay and a son to feed. It's not like I have much of a choice.

I stay silent on my first day back, and luckily Buck isn't around so that situation is out of sight, out of mind.

It's better that way, for right now at least.

Chimney approaches as I unpack my overnight bag into my locker. Twenty-four hour shifts are brutal.

"Cap told me about what happened. How are you holding up?"

I shrug silently, "Well enough. I just have to keep it together for Christopher."

"But you don't have to keep it together for us," Chim starts, then sighs, "I never really talk about this because it was a while ago, but right before I was hired at the 118,  my Dad and step mother passed away in a car accident."

I don't know how to react, but I nod understandingly.

"Bobby was like my saving grace. He could tell something was up and he did some digging and figured it out. He talked me through my grief and it made me feel way less confined by it. Maybe you should do the same?" Chimney suggest and I nod, trying to even consider a way of bringing this up to Captain Nash.

I don't know him like that. I'm just now hitting my first month here and the only person I've connected with, truly, is Buck. I haven't saw him or talked to him since before she died. I haven't spoken to him since before my Mom fucking died and the aching pain in my chest is telling me one thing and one thing only.

I have to see him.

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Evan "Buck" Buckley

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The knock at my loft door wakes me up from my sleep on my couch. It's supposed to be my day off. Check-up for one month post returning to work after my accident and my Doc wants to make sure I haven't accidentally ruptured anything or re-broken any of my bones, but that's not till 2, meaning sleep is of the essence, or whatever.

I swing the door open, not bothering to look through the peephole. The only people who know where I live are Maddie and the others from the 118.

Standing in my doorway, fully clothed in his uniform, is Eddie Diaz. His eyes are puffy and red, bags forming under them from losing sleep. He looks like he hasn't properly slept in days. He enters and I quickly close the door behind him and he starts pacing the room.

"Eddie, what's going on? Was it something with Christopher?" I ask, grabbing his shoulder.

He shakes his head and I completely stop him from his anxious state, "Talk to me."

"My Mom died, Buck. That's why I didn't work the last three shifts and why I've been so silent. I just don't know what to do. I have to be a Dad, a firefighter, and also figure my shit out on my own, without any guidance what so ever from her because she's buried six feet under." He lets it all out and his eyes grow tired, and upset. I just want to pull him into my arms and squeeze him until he feels better, but I know it won't work like that.

But it's worth a shot.

I grab him and yank him into my embrace, holding him tightly against me and squeezing him with all the strength I can muster.