Falling in love~ (Stolitz)-(Smut, fluff, & maybe angst)

~Why me?~

A/N I can't sleep lol. (yes I posted this at 5 am.)

As Blitzø stares down at the crystal, laying in Stolas's elegant, outstretched hands, the reality dawns on him: it's over.

Stolas is cutting ties with him. He's eliminating the transaction that kept them in contact, severing the agreement that satisfied them both. And of course, he's doing so in the kindest way possible — giving Blitzø the ability to do his job freely, rather than just telling him to fuck off. Maybe he's softening the blow of his offer. A gift, he'd said. What a cruel joke.Blitzø stares at the crystal blankly, blinks, and swallows the bitterness in his mouth, swallows the feelings rising in his throat, and swallows the ugly truth.Said truth: that Stolas doesn't want him anymore."Blitz, I want to give you this because I no longer desire to hold you hostage in this arrangement. I want you to be able to choose what you want, of your own volition. Given that, I must tell you that, over the past—""Wow," Blitzø interrupts, "Fucking wow, Stolas. You know, if you didn't want us to fuck anymore, you could've just said so."He watches Stolas' expression fall. There'd been a small smile there, the one he worn often when they were together. It burns to know that he'd taken this all so lightly, ready to let go, and generously taking care of Blitzø before leaving him. That piece of shit bird. Of course he's being fucking gentle and kind, even when crushing his soul. Blitzø doesn't care that he's about to be ungrateful and rude in the face of this kindness. He snatches the crystal and throws it to the ground where it unsatisfyingly does not shatter into a million pieces — fucking hardass crystal — it just bounces until it disappears under the bed. Stolas gasps at his outburst."Blitzy, please, let me finish explaining!""Fuck that, Stolas. I don't want that shit! I don't want any of your shit, you hear me? I wish we never even met!" He seethes. If Stolas is going to leave him, he's not taking any handouts. Or any goddamn pity gifts. And if Stolas is going to leave him, then at the least he's going to keep his dignity, thank you very much.(He drags the skin under his eyes downward to keep the tears from forming.)A second-long stare is what Blitzø allows himself to take, one last time, before he turns his back to the person he never let himself love. And, for good reason, it seemed. He should've known he was never good enough for a prince. He wasn't good enough to love, way back when they were kids, and he especially wasn't good enough now. After all, everyone gets sick of their little toys. He should've known. God, he was so stupid for believing he could possibly be important to Stolas."Wait, Blitz, please, let me—"Blitzø is just another cast-aside plaything. He won't stick around until the next whim Stolas feels for him."Goodbye, Stolas."And he disappears into the night, hoping he never has to face the owl again...............He doesn't go home — no, he goes to the nearest hub of drugs and alcohol. He goes to the Gluttony ring, because all he wants to do right now is indulge in his vices until he can't think a single self-deprecating thought. Until he can't see Stolas' stupid heart-shaped face every time he blinks.It's hard at first, but once the uppers start to kick in, Blitzø can feel the hurt and betrayal melting away.He loses himself in the crowd, meandering around until he finds a suitable target. Tonight, he wants to use and abuse whatever attractive party that will consent to it. His internal bias settles on tall but lean body, though leopard-like in form. At least they'll feel soft against him, like —Blitzø shakes the thought from his head and approaches.Honestly, he barely tries to make conversation, besides asking the basics (Vera, she/her) and the most important question of the night: if she's interested in some wild, rough, freaky fucking. He emphasizes the "rough" part."Honestly, gorgeous, I'm looking for someone to treat like a sex doll tonight. I want to tie you up and taste your tears of filthy pleasure. I want to use you every which way until—" She cuts him off with a biting kiss. Blitzø sighs into it, knowing it's just what he needs tonight. Grabbing her by the fur at the back of her head, he loses himself. She's wild, but submissive enough to let him take control the way he wants to. He's glad it was so easy to pick someone up; he doesn't know if he could handle the rejection after what just happened.But when the time comes for the two to disappear, into a bathroom stall or a love hotel room, Blitzø just isn't feeling it.Not from lack of interest or attraction, but because he can't shake the feeling of undesirability that's seeped under his skin and permeated his bones. Which is crazy, because he knows he has sex appeal. He knows he's great for a one-night stand. In fact, it may be the only thing he's meant for.He separates himself from what's-her-name, who'd adhered to every inch of his body, and apologizes before stepping away."Your loss, you fugly imp," she calls after him angrily. He tries to let it roll off his back, wondering briefly why the drug and alcohol combination isn't shielding his brain from the onslaught of self-hatred that's setting in, before accepting that the rejection from Stolas was bound to fuck him up a bit more than usual.After all, Blitzø had let himself get comfortable. He wouldn't say he let himself trust Stolas, especially after the incident during their childhood, but he'd let his guard down. The bird demon had grown on him quite a bit, to the point where Blitzø actually looked forward to their monthly rendezvous. And now, he'd lost that.There was no more thirsty-ass prince begging for his attention.Fuck, what was he going to do without their monthly filth-fest to look forward to? He loved watching Stolas melt beneath his hands, loved how unabashedly he vocalized his pleasure, loved how he surrendered himself to Blitzø like he trusted him with his life. Mostly, he loved how they both could completely lose themselves for a night in nasty sex — in each other. And, admittedly, though he always grumbled about it, he loved the nights when Stolas was a bit more fragile than usual. When he asked him to stay and held him close afterward, so the two were pressed tightly together for the night. It wasn't often that he was...hugged.Okay, Blitzø realized he was starting to spiral as his breath quickened. He needed to get out, right now, before he quite literally starts crying in the club.In that instant, a portal opened in front of him, and out stepped Stolas. He outstretched a hand toward Blitzø — his knight in shining armor to save him from a panic attack. What a role-reversal from all the times Blitzø has saved him."Come with me, Blitz. Please?"Unable to form a coherent argument, Blitzø takes his hand and follows..........They step out into an area Blitzø doesn't immediately recognize, but it might be the nicest corner of Hell he's ever seen.A moment later, he realizes they're actually not in Hell anymore.They're under the stars and surrounded by mountains. It's breathtaking, Blitzø thinks. He wonders why Stolas has brought him here — why he even showed up in the first place, and how he knew exactly when Blitzø was starting to lose control of himself."Why did you bring me here, Stolas? I said goodbye, and I fucking meant it. I'll find another way to get to Earth, without you. I mean, how did you even find me?""I told you, I have my ways. I keep an eye on you when I need to," Stolas responds solemnly. Blitzø blinks."So you know that I've moved on, if you saw me with that slut from—""Yes, and I prefer not to remember it, thank you very much," he snaps, closing his eyes for a brief moment. If Blitzø didn't know better, he'd think that he hurt Stolas... But he knows better. He knows he's just a good lay for Stolas; he's got no reason to be jealous. Then, Stolas continues: "It was quite hard to watch.""Why? 'Cause you're not the hole I can put my dick in?""Blitzy, please," Again, Stolas closes his eyes. And takes a deep breath as if steeling himself. Blitzø interrupts again."No, you pretentious asshole, I'm done. I told you that! I get it, you're done with me! I don't know why you're insisting on rubbing it in my face with your fucking pity crystal! You should've just told me that the sex appeal wore off! You should've just told me you lost interest in your impish little plaything! For Satan's sake!" He's screaming at this point. Thank fuck they're in a deserted area, otherwise he'd be causing a complete scene."STOP!" Stolas... commands him. Some of his demon form reveals himself in that moment — a clear sign he's lost control of his emotions. It's gone almost instantly, though. "For the millionth time, can you please let me explain myself? I have something I need to get off my chest.""Fine," Blitzø begrudgingly agrees."Thank you," he bows slightly as he says it. "I rehearsed this in my head so many times before, but since you are so eager to cut contact with me, I'll be brief. Over the past few months, I have felt myself become quite fond of you, Blitz. You've introduced me to a whole new way of living. You taught me to have the strength to take control of my own life — to choose. And if you'd agree, I'd choose to be with you. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that I've fallen deeply in love with you. Your courage, your humor, your caring heart. The way you keep an eye out for your employees, the way you look after your daughter, and the way you make me feel as if I am actually desired, actually important in my own life, and not just another pawn playing its role — for all these reasons, I love you. And the crystal was my way of letting you choose, too. I no longer want to coerce you into being with me. I want you to decide for yourself if you'll let me love you," Stolas blushes deeply as he admits this all. He adds, "You don't have to have an answer now, either...I'd wait forever for the true love I feel."Blitzø wants to vomit. There's no way this is happening, not after everything between the two of them. Not after Stolas was so clear about the transactional nature of their relationship. There's no way this is happening to Blitzø; he knows he's cursed to never be loved."No, Stolas, you don't. Actually, you can't. You're just confusing lust for love because you've never felt it before. You just enjoy using me as a sex object and, honestly, I don't blame you! You don't love me, because I'm. Not. Lovable. Because I constantly ruin people's lives. I'm not meant to be loved. That's why I let you use me in exchange for the book in the first place! Because a person like you, Stolas... a person like you could never love a person like me. So I let you destroy me, use me, because it's what I deserve after a lifetime of wrecking the lives of others. So please, for your own good, forget about me.""I could never," Stolas frowns, indignant. "And although I do thoroughly enjoy our intercourse, it's certainly not all I like about you. Did you even listen to me? You make me smile with joy when you spend time with me, you make me smirk with pride when I see you in battle, you make me blush with admiration when you show your caring heart, you make me cry with pleasure during our shared nights, you make me stare in awe when you perform, you make me cackle with laughter when you tell jokes... you make my whole being buzz with excitement when you call my name. You make my wretched life worth living. You showed me I didn't have to accept the life that was written in stone. You opened up my eyes to the world, Blitz. And I never want to stop experiencing it with you by my side. Please don't push me away when I'm bearing my heart to you."Stolas is nearly sobbing by this point. Tears run down his face in rivulets, his eye makeup bleeding downward with them. He's a picture of tragic beauty, Blitzø thinks. There's no way he deserves the emotion he feels."You're a prince, okay? You're so damn gorgeous and so powerful and wealthy and absolutely nothing like me. I—" Blitzø sniffles and realizes that he's crying too. "I could never be good enough for you. I'm not good enough for anyone; I—I fuck up everyone I come into contact with! I'm not meant to be loved, Stolas, I'm just a fuck toy. You were right, okay! You were right to just use me up and throw me out when you're done with me. Even if you love me like you say you do, there's no good that can come from it! It'd be best for you to just move on."Then, Stolas drops to a kneeling position in front of him and looks right into his eyes."What will it take, my darling, to convince you that my heart is true? I can give you my words, my attention, my time, my touch; I can and will give you all that I am, if that's what it takes for you to understand. I want to try, and I don't care how long it takes to convince you. I'll give you my all. I'll do anything to work on us."Blitzø hesitates. He can't even catch his breath; the emotion is overtaking his body. He can't hold it together. Does he really mean it? Does Stolas really... love him?When he looks back up, he finds Stolas has completely bowed to him. His shoulders shake with tears, too. As if reading his mind, Stolas pleads in a voice thick with sorrow, "I love you, and I just want you to consider it. I know you think you don't deserve much, but I want to show you all that you do deserve, if you'll have me. I— do you feel the same? Or am I alone in this longing?""I don't— I mean, I just—" he stammers, and when he sees the confusion and hurt that pass over Stolas' features, he composes himself to form a coherent thought. He's put the bird through enough over the course of this conversation. "You're not alone. I tried not to let myself feel anything for so long, but truthfully, I realized I actually care about you when you were in the hospital. And I tried to fight it by staying away from you, and by reminding myself that you just enjoyed the novelty of being dicked down by a peasant like me. But, I guess, you kinda, uh, snuck your way into my brain.""Do you," Stolas sniffles, wiping at his eyes despite the tears that keep coming. "Do you really mean that?"And out of nowhere, it all starts to make sense. Stolas' long texts to him, the propositions for a casual night instead of fucking, Stolas excitement on their date, all the questions he asks Blitzø about himself, the interest he's always showered him in — none of it was feigned.Finally, Blitzø lets himself approach, taking a few steps toward Stolas and reaching out his hands. He takes the prince's face in his palms and gently coaxes him to meet his eyes. He thumbs at the streaked makeup on his cheeks and feels his heart break a little bit more when Stolas's pupils appear, shocked by Blitzø's soft touch. To be fair, it's probably the first time he's initiated a gentle form of contact."I'm so fucking sorry, Stolas. Honestly, I didn't think it was possible for anyone to want anything more from me, and I still find it fucking unbelievable. But I can work on that, y'know? If you'll let me?"Stolas blinks at him, and his frown turns into a gorgeous smile that turns his stomach to butterflies."I would love nothing more, Blitz."So he does what he's been dying to do since Stolas saved him from that club. He pulls his face closer and kisses him, gently, carefully, with love.It's the first of many.