Symphony of Shadows

46. Yours

A/N: I promise this was worth the wait🥰 The next chapter will be posted on Wednesday at 8pm ET!

Astrid's mind wouldn't stop racing and her stomach churned as she grew mulled over her many conflicts. Thoughts about her future, her duty, Berk, and Hiccup infiltrated her mind day by day. By now, she'd gathered an endless list of pros and cons, so when she almost walked into a tree, it was no mystery that she was deep in thought.

Stormfly nudged her in concern, but Astrid assured her that she was just busy overthinking. It was about mid-day and she realized Hiccup hadn't been around for a while. He hadn't mentioned he was leaving—he always let her know. Sometimes he left during the day but never explicitly said where he was going, which was odd, but she brushed it off. He was probably off doing Hiccup-y things.

But then she saw Toothless out of the corner of her eye. Naturally, Astrid went to find Hiccup.

They'd shared a bed for a bit after her memory coming back and even though they both still had some nightmares, they drastically reduced in each other's presence. They silently agreed to continue sharing, but their late night conversation echoed in her head every night she fell asleep on his chest.

"I met with other women after that, but it wasn't really courting."

"They typically lasted one night"

"It wasn't anything serious."

Astrid knew that Hiccup didn't have bad intentions when he confessed, but the words irked her just the same. One of her deepest fears was being used and then discarded like a piece of meat. If she ever did take that step, she wanted to be seen as a person and not a commodity. She'd nearly been forced into that position before, so she wanted to make it clear that she wasn't some passing courtship. Or worse, a one night fantasy.

The only solution was commitment.

Her doubts pestered her constantly, especially at night when they were so close. Even during the day when they had their little back-and-forths, she fought the urge to kiss him. The want was driving her crazy, but the indecision further aggravated her emotions.

What if he didn't want to settle for her? It sure didn't sound like he had a shortage of women to court or sleep with, if that's what he was implying. Astrid had already had her heart broken by him once—she sure as Hel didn't want to go through that again.

What if his old lover came back? Astrid didn't want to deal with someone else possibly in the midst of her relationship because she would never share what's hers. She didn't want to be in deep for a year, and then it's all out the window when Lyra comes around. She hated that it was such a beautiful name. For Thor's sake, Astrid shouldn't even be acting this way—she knew better.

But her decision to be petty didn't change before she finally found Hiccup.

He was leaning over a table—without a shirt on. The gods were cruel, very cruel. His scar was clearly visible to her now, and her stomach grew fuzzy at the thought that he was comfortable enough to show it off. Like he sensed her presence, he turned and gave her a brilliant smile. She couldn't help the shivers that ran down her spine as she gave him a small grin and went to join him. Astrid leaned back against the wooden table and watched him work on a piece of ornate leather.

"What are you up to?"

His voice was playful as he leaned behind her to grab a tool, but her brain froze when his chest brushed against her shoulder. Gods, she hated how dumb she felt—like she was just a puddle of goo whenever he was around.

"Oh, you know. Just training here and there."

Her answer was dry, but he didn't seem too focused as he sliced through some of the leather to follow some kind of design. His forearm flexed as he pressed the blade down, and all of her indecision bubbled to the surface.