I can do it with a broken heart (Lando Norris)

37. Happiness

There'll be happiness after you
But there was happiness because of you too
Both of these things can be true
There is happiness
In our history
Across our great divide
There is a glorious sunrise
Dappled with the flickers of light
From the dress I wore at midnight
Leave it all behind
Oh, leave it all behind
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness

Lando was confused when he woke in the middle of the night, in his childhood bedroom, to find the bed beside him empty. It was pitch black outside, the alarm clock beside his bed showing it was a little after 2 am, but the bed beside him was cold and Hannah hadn't been there a while.

He climbed out of bed, padding down the stairs and spotting a faint light from the TV coming from the living room. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. The inexplicable fear that she might've just disappeared on him in the middle of the night was still there.

She flinched as he opened the door to the living room, finding her curled up on the sofa under a blanket, a glass of wine in hand watching a movie.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, eyes straining to look at her face in the dim lighting.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you." She mumbled. "Jet lag."

The red blotchy skin on her face and the tears still shining in her eyes gave away the fact she was lying even before the way her voice wavered as she spoke.

"Hannah." He sighed, lifting the blanket and climbing onto the sofa next to her. He pulled her into his arms and she tucked her head in against his neck where he wouldn't be able to see her facial expression. "What's wrong?"

"It's fine... I think I'm going mad that's all." She mumbled, taking another gulp from her wine glass.

He gently reached out and took the glass from her hand, leaning across to place it on the coffee table in front of them. "I don't think you need any more of that, do you?"

"It helps me sleep." She said quietly.

Lando took a deep breath, trying to choose his words carefully. "I don't think you're going mad, but I am worried about you. You're drinking a lot... I know you say it helps you sleep but that's not normal, Hannah." He'd watched the way she'd quietly consumed almost an entire bottle of wine at dinner and granted it was nearly Christmas, but it hadn't escaped his notice it was the first thing she did when she was stressed.

A tear slowly rolled down her cheek. "I don't know what I'm going to do, for the first time in my life I have literally no idea. Your sisters asked me earlier what I was going to do next and I just... I don't know... I have been living in this endless cycle of new album, tour, new album, tour for the best part of ten years. I don't know what I want anymore. Cassie seems hellbent on destroying me for whatever reason and I just..."

"Okay, breathe." He interrupted, deciding to stop the spiral before it went any further. "You don't need to decide any of this tonight."

"No, but I do have to decide at some point." She frowned. "If I do the extended version of the album then I've met my obligations to the label for the contract and I can get out of it if I want to. I could do whatever I wanted and that is terrifying. It's the first time in probably ten years I've actually had a choice."

"What do you think you want to do?" He asked, surprised by the new information.

"Crawl under a rock and hide." She answered without hesitation.

"I'm not sure that's an option."

"I wish it was." She sighed. "I'm tired of being picked apart online. The other month they were speculating I was pregnant because I'd gained so much weight, and now I've got an eating disorder I'm so skinny."

"You've been looking online again?" He asked. It wasn't an accusation as such, but something he thought they'd agreed she wasn't going to do.

"I need to stop doing that." She sighed. "I was checking to make sure Cassie hadn't decided to drop any more bombshells."

"We're all good on that front, I've been keeping an eye on her social media," Lando confessed. He wasn't sure quite what he thought he was going to do if Cassie did say something, but he found himself checking a couple of times a day anyway, just in case.

"I'm going to have to talk to her at some point," Hannah said quietly. "If you think what she said in that article was bad, it's nothing compared to some of the stuff she could've come out with."

"Like what?" He asked curiously. He hadn't thought about the fact Cassie and Hannah had worked together for so long Cassie would know far more about Hannah than he did.

For a moment, she reached for the wine glass on the table as if by instinct, her hand awkwardly dropping back into her lap as she realised what she'd done. She buried her face in his neck again in the hope he wouldn't be able to see how red she'd gone.

He might not be able to see her face but he could feel the way her heart was pounding in her chest. "Whatever it is Hannah, you can tell me. I'm not going to judge you. I just want to help."

"I uh... it was during the pandemic." She mumbled. "Joe and I were living in Miami and it was just the two of us, on our own, for months on end. We weren't in a great place before the pandemic and the lockdowns and the two of us trapped in the house together with nowhere to go well... I was a mess."

He gave her a reassuring squeeze but stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue.

"He was so angry, all the time. He didn't want to be there with me, and I didn't want to be alone. We were fighting all the time and we were both drinking as a coping mechanism. He used to scream the most awful things at me and then the next day it would just be like nothing happened. He'd make all these jokes about me on calls with his friends. I'd write songs to try and let my emotions out and he'd go mad, rip the paper up and yell at me some more." She stopped, picking at a loose thread on the blanket. "I just wanted it all to stop, I didn't want to be here anymore. He told me the world would be a better place without me and I believed him so I..."

Lando's stomach lurched as he realised what she was saying.

"Cassie found me," Hannah whispered. "Quietly checked me into an inpatient facility, no one noticed because of the pandemic it's not like I was supposed to be anywhere anyway. She got me sober and got me the help I needed. Then Joe reappeared all smiles and apologies, and told me he hadn't meant any of it and nearly losing me made him realise how much he loved me. Now I think about it he was probably already sleeping with Cassie at that point by the sounds of it but it doesn't matter I guess."

"You're worried Cassie might tell people?" He asked.

"Yes," Hannah whispered. "I'm just about coping with the world knowing Joe cheated on me but I can't have her tell everyone that I'm crazy, Lando. We agreed we'd never talk about it again when I came home but I don't know if I trust that she won't, not after all this."

"Have you spoken to Alice about this?" He asked.

Hannah shook her head. "I can't tell her what I'm worried Cassie might say without having to tell her what happened. You can't tell anyone, Lando. Please. Promise me."

"It's okay, take a breath." He reassured her. "It's okay, I'm not going to. I'm just trying to think about what we can do."

His mind was racing at the prospect, a newfound fear gripping his heart as well as the thought of what she'd almost done to herself. Suddenly that fear that had led to him insisting she get on a plane and come and meet him in Vegas wasn't so far-fetched at all. It made him feel sick just thinking about it.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered.

"You don't need to say you're sorry. You're okay, I'm here." He reassured her again, pulling her in a little bit closer. She was crying, he could feel her tears soaking into his neck. "I'm not going anywhere, we'll get this sorted out, whatever you decide you want to do. I promise. You can tell me anything Hannah, I mean it. No judgement, okay?"

"Okay." She answered quietly.