I feel manic.
I have never felt so much unbridled rage and resentment in my body before. I don't know what to do with it all and that scares me.
I feel like a danger to myself and others. More myself than anyone else, I guess, but the rage just keeps building.
Each customer that approaches me makes me angrier and angrier. My frustration with my anger only feeds it. It's exhausting, but paradoxically exhilarating. My heart feels like it's trembling in my chest.
"Swallow some glass for that distemper". I think I read that somewhere once. Or heard it. Maybe I wrote it in one of my stories? I can't remember. It's a phrase stuck in my head now. A preferable feeling to what I'm experiencing now. Not that I would do it, but I'd prefer it.
I fear that every next customer is going to be the one where I snap and lose it. Where I scream and yell and storm off and never ever come back. I hate them all. I hate myself, too.
My stomach hurts.
I can't do this much longer.
