TWs for sexual discussions, SA, and childhood trauma
I don't know how old we were when Patrice and I met. We were young, and we played almost daily. We were best friends. We played with our stuffed animals and had little parties — She invited me to everything and I invited her to everything.
One distinct memory I hold from being very young is a rather unsettling one that I can't claw from my mind. It wracks me with guilt and this silly sense of shame.
I had gotten a loose grasp of what "humping" meant, and I thought, at the time, that it was just a funny thing that one could do. I would frequently hump random objects when I was over at her house and claim that I was making "chair babies" or whatever the hell. I can't recall if her papa ever saw me doing these behaviors. She always thought it was funny too, at least from how she acted.
It troubles me to think that at such a young age I was enveloped in such off behaviors. I know I didn't know any better — But where had I learned it? Where was I exposed to it? Why did it resonate with me to the point I felt the need to replicate it?
I wonder sometimes if Patrice remembers it too. I hope she doesn't. I hope it only haunts me.
