Warnings for: Anxiety, depression
There's a pleasant chill outside this evening.
Normally I wouldn't like the cold — Then again, I'm not sure you can really call it cold.
More of a temperature I wish I could submerge myself into for the rest of time. Maybe I could remain in it long after the inevitable downfall of man. I could be like the lonesome man in The Twilight Zone. Perhaps it would be nice. Not like it's depicted on TV.
Peaceful, at least.
Perhaps then my mind would finally be quiet. It would stop buzzing. No more insecurity, no cowering dog in the corner growling and snapping at hands that try to pet or smack — Just remaining in a vast void of calm. I miss the calm.
I have cried out my history for the moment. I know that it's for the best. If only logic could prevail for the rest of my days, winning over emotion. I'm so exhausted by emotion. I'm tired of the constant sniveling and baring my teeth and barking and scratching and writhing. The repetition of ends is all that I can hear. All I see.
It's only natural to grow away.
But I'm still nothing but a child inside.
That's all.
I'm just a child.
And I'm so, so afraid and so tired.
One nap is not enough.
