✔ We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve #namgi

~one~

cw// self deprecating comments, self confidence issues

Being pregnant is like a nightmare wrapped in a daydream. The concept may seem whimsical, but the reality is more akin to a descent into hell.

Do not misunderstand; many expectant mothers cherish the experience. After giving birth, they manage to push all the unpleasant memories to the farthest recesses of their minds, locking them away in the tiniest mental compartments. They forget because the past no longer defines their present.

For others, the experience leaves an everlasting mark, like a scar that never heals, an open wound constantly ready to be remembered. For Yoongi, it was a blend of both.

Being a male breeder was not unheard of these days, but it remained a rarity—a one-in-a-million chance. Even then, being born a male breeder didn't guarantee the ability to conceive. They might possess the capacity to carry a pregnancy but not necessarily to procreate. The likelihood was so slim that only 1 out of 100 male breeders were actually capable of bearing children.

Yoongi had known he was a breeder since he could understand the term. It's something screened for at birth, alongside many other tests conducted to ensure early treatment or prevention of potential disorders.

Due to his condition, Yoongi's mother was overly protective when it came to other boys. She constantly nagged him about Yoongi's sexuality, urging him toward girls. She preferred the idea of him getting someone else pregnant rather than becoming pregnant himself.

However, his mother's logic was flawed. Breeders who can conceive children can't impregnate others since they only possess one set of reproductive organs. Unfortunately, Yoongi never discovered this due to his mother's relentless nagging and overprotection. He suppressed both the knowledge of his condition and his attraction to men.

It wasn't until he went to university in another town and moved out on his own that he began to understand his true self.

His lack of experience with men and the lifelong restrictions placed on him led Yoongi to make poor decisions and become too involved with his first boyfriend. Yoongi either didn't notice or chose to ignore the red flags that were evident.

Perhaps it was because this was his first serious relationship—something he had chosen for himself rather than someone approved by his mother. Maybe it was because his boyfriend always knew the right things to say and was good in bed—well, compared to the one girl he had been with, anything was an improvement.

Or it could have been because his boyfriend was the only close person he had in Seoul, and Yoongi didn't know how to be alone.

These reasons kept him in that miserable relationship for far too long, but he eventually reached his breaking point. After countless on-and-off moments over five years, Yoongi was finally ready to end it for good.

However, nothing ever seemed to go smoothly for him. Just when he thought he was free, the worst possible outcome occurred: Yoongi discovered he was pregnant.

Yoongi had been feeling off for weeks, unable to pinpoint what was wrong. He was constantly sleepy, nauseous, moody, extra sensitive, and achy. Initially, he thought it was something he ate, then blamed his irregular menstruation, and later suspected the flu. After nearly two months of these symptoms, he reluctantly considered seeing a doctor, something he had always avoided.