✔ We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve #namgi

~two~

A week later, Yoongi encountered his neighbor again at the convenience store, awkwardness stiffening all his muscles. He was torn, unsure whether to acknowledge him with a smile or a greeting, or if he should continue ignoring him as he had done up until now. His heart pounded as he deliberated, the memory of their previous encounter still fresh in his mind.

The neighbor was too busy comparing products in one of the aisles, seemingly unaware of Yoongi's presence. Yoongi dragged his tired feet, his ankles aching and swollen, through the store to gather his nightly cravings.

His boyfriend hadn't come home for two days and wasn't answering his calls. Yoongi suspected he was with a lover, but without proof, he had no choice but to endure it. Just another ordeal to add to his list, nothing new under the sun.

Yoongi couldn't even feel sad or hurt anymore, just annoyed and stressed. What if his boyfriend decided to abandon him? What would he do? Where would he go? Would he have to give his baby up for adoption? Go back to his parents and beg for their help? Live on the streets?

Lost in these troubling thoughts, Yoongi hadn't noticed he was standing still in the middle of the store, silently bawling his eyes out. His neighbor suddenly appeared in front of him. Blinking through his tears, Yoongi looked up at the man, his eyes gradually focusing enough to see the worry etched on his face.

"Are you okay? Does anything hurt?" the neighbor asked, his raspy yet soothing voice resonating with Yoongi like a long-lost melody, reminding him of how starved he was for warmth and kindness.

"I-I'm okay," Yoongi lied, his voice trembling. What else could he say? How pathetic would he sound if he opened up about his foolish life decisions? He couldn't bear to expose his vulnerabilities to this stranger, no matter how comforting his presence felt.

The neighbor appeared as if he wanted to say more, his mouth opening and closing a couple of times. His hands hovered uncertainly over Yoongi's shoulder before eventually dropping to his sides.

"If you need anything, I'm right across the hall," he offered with a tight yet sincere smile. "I'm Namjoon, by the way. Kim Namjoon."

"Min Yoongi," Yoongi replied in a whisper, uncertain why he was allowing this interaction to continue into a proper introduction. His heart fluttered slightly, a small comfort in the midst of his turmoil.

He hadn't exactly accepted the invitation, but he hadn't declined it either. He understood this was a polite offer, not an open invitation to seize desperately. So he simply nodded and let it go, slipping past Namjoon and heading to the register. His movements were hurried and flustered as he paid for his items and quickly made his way back to his apartment, each step echoing his overwhelming desire to escape the encounter.

Yoongi initially believed he wouldn't encounter the neighbor as frequently, but he grew increasingly unsettled by the fact that no matter what time he left the house, Namjoon was always at the store or arrived shortly after.

This consistency led Yoongi to question what kind of job Namjoon had that allowed him to stay awake all night, every night. It felt almost eerie how predictable it became. Whether Yoongi remained holed up at home for days or ventured out daily, Namjoon was always there at the store, a constant presence that Yoongi couldn't shake off.

Every time Yoongi encountered Namjoon, he forced a polite smile and acknowledged him. After their initial introduction, it would be rude not to reciprocate. Now, Yoongi had to be more mindful of his random breakdowns; it was embarrassing enough that Namjoon had seen him crying twice already. Yoongi already looked like a complete mess, and he didn't want to be pitied by the attractive neighbor.

No, Yoongi refused to torture himself like that. There was no point in harboring feelings for someone unattainable. Maybe if he weren't pregnant, maybe if he were single, maybe if his life were even remotely put together—but that was far from the truth.

But yeah, Yoongi found a new source of entertainment during his boring nights. After tackling all the college paperwork and projects with short notice deadlines, courtesy of teachers who assumed being at home meant he was available for endless work, Yoongi welcomed any distraction.

When all the college work was finally done for the day and his boyfriend was either absent or actively ignoring him, Yoongi found himself thinking about the neighbor more than he considered sane or healthy. Questions swirled in his mind: What was Namjoon's job? What was his life like? Did he live alone? How were his parents? Did he have any siblings?

The thought about Namjoon's eating habits arose due to the unhealthy snacks he consistently purchased every time they met at the convenience store. Not that Yoongi could criticize, considering his own indulgences, but at least he had the excuse of being heavily pregnant and hormonal.

Yoongi found himself wondering if Namjoon preferred cats or dogs. Yoongi used to have a dog back home, a loyal companion left behind when he moved to Seoul. He missed his furry friend dearly, but the thought of calling his family to inquire about the dog filled him with anxiety.

Perhaps Namjoon liked cats, which wasn't a bad thing at all. Yoongi enjoyed watching funny cat videos and cute cat compilations in his spare time.

His boyfriend used to liken him to a cat, commenting on Yoongi's facial features and personality traits. At first, it felt like a compliment, but as time passed, it began to feel more like a burden. Still, Yoongi chose not to dwell on the negative aspects, knowing it could sour his fondness for cats.

Perhaps Namjoon wasn't the typical pet lover who had to choose between cats and dogs. Maybe his favorite pet was a snake, or a tarantula, or even hamsters. Yoongi recalled a friend from college, Jin, who used to own sugar gliders. He missed Jin and his quirky antics, like his dad jokes and his unexpected passion for fishing, which seemed out of place considering his biomarine course.

Despite the temptation to reminisce about his college friends, Yoongi always found his thoughts returning to Namjoon. Unlike memories of his past, thinking about Namjoon didn't bring feelings of guilt, shame, regret, and pain. Contemplating Namjoon meant contemplating a fresh start—an unknown, foreign, and relatively easy prospect.

With a glaring realization, Yoongi began to anticipate his encounters with Namjoon at the convenience store. Many times, he entertained the idea of starting a casual conversation, making small talk, and asking how Namjoon was doing, how his day had been, and all the other questions he had listed and memorized in the back of his mind.

But each time, his dark thoughts took over. Why would Namjoon want to be bothered by Yoongi? Who gave Yoongi the audacity to assume Namjoon actually wanted to befriend him? And why would anyone willingly involve themselves in Yoongi's mess when he was less than two months away from giving birth to an unwanted, forsaken child?

Resigned to his fate, Yoongi withdrew into himself, limiting his interactions to the bare minimum and making a concerted effort not to display any more vulnerability than he already had.

Yoongi's determination to maintain his composure became a daily challenge, each encounter a reminder of his resolve to guard his dignity. His heart ached with the effort, but he steeled himself, refusing to let his guard down. The last thing he wanted was anyone's pity, especially not from his attractive neighbor.

~endments~

(01/06/24)

A slightly shorter filler chapter, just to give a bit more of background to Yoongi and Namjoon.

The next one will have a bit more of progress (or maybe regress?) between them, and a shocking revelation about Namjoon.

I hope you are enjoying the story so far.

Please vote on the chapters for engagement and to keep me motivated.

If you want to comment as well, I will gladly welcome you to, but don't feel pressured; just enjoy the story!

See you in the next update ;)

xPANDORAx