Uplifted by you

22

Then

"W...what?" I looked at him, dumbfounded.

"I said okay Dora"

I spoke softly "I heard what you said Christian, but okay? That's it?" I blinked at him. Though his face was serious but not an ounce of anger or disappointment on it. He seemed so collected for someone whose girlfriend of eleven months just revealed she couldn't marry him after he proposed to her.

"No, that's not it baby" He held my hands "Were you expecting me to lash out or something?"

"No. Maybe not lash out but I wasn't expecting you to be this calm about it" I almost cried after saying that.

"Calm down. Take a deep breath, Dora." I did  "Good. First, there must be a reason why you said that, there has to be and we are going to iron it out" I protested shaking my head. I couldn't let him do it.

He held up a finger "Please let me finish Dora, secondly you said you can't but not that you won't marry me. That's a relief by the way. So to me clearly, you want to be with me. You want to marry me but there is something or things holding you back. I would love very much for you to confide in me and tell me so we can talk things out"

He was too good for this world. Most especially to me.

"Why are you so good, Christian?"

He just smiled.

Will you still be here after knowing everything?

Knowing what a baggage I am? Knowing I can't be everything you want in a woman?

This would have been so much better to do if he hadn't been so collected and calm about all of this. Hysterically, I waved my hands around in the air. A feeling of frustration filling me. I was mad at myself, mad about everything at that moment "I'm a mess Christian. Who hyperventilates when the man they are in love with proposes to them?"

"You know this would be the first time I'll hear you say that out loud, that you're in love with me" He grinned "Feels so damn good to hear you say it"

Was he being serious right now?

"That's not the point Christian. I know you know that I can be so difficult and so hard to be around sometimes..."

"And you think I haven't got my own flaws?"

"No, you're perfect. Too perfect for me"

"No I'm far from perfect Dora"

I stood up and ran a hand through my braids. "I'm scared Christian, so scared that I won't be able to be everything you want in a woman, scared you'll get tired of me besides don't you think it's all happening too fast. We've only been dating for eleven months*

"Known you longer, sounds about time to me even. You don't get to decide for me either. And I need you to know this decision wasn't made out of impulse. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you'd let me"

He was standing infront of me now placing his hands on my shoulders. "Look here Dora, I can't promise you that everything is all going to be beautiful and easy between us cause you know, life offers many challenges but I consider us as one already, fighting each battle together as they come. I want to love and cherish you everyday of my life"

"But Christian, what if I'm not everything you ever wanted? You sound so sure"

"Because I am. My love for you goes deeper, beyond. Most importantly, what I consider my love for you taking your battles as mine, it's where I find you absolutely beautiful even when you're at your worst." He paused "Just a smile from you or your voice brightens up my day. I find solace in your arms when things in my life get a little hard. The smallest of things you do makes me fall for you even harder. I am happy being with you. You make me happy. Tell me what else would I be looking for when I've got that?"