Uplifted by you

02

Now

"Dora, are you alright? It's completely fine if you would like to take a break" At the sound of a voice, I was brought back to the four walls of my therapist's office.

I hated having to deal with this again but i wasn't going to back out now. One would think with the years that passed, the memories wouldn't be vivid anymore but I remembered every detail- from the wicked grin that still haunted me, to the helplessness I felt. I was still haunted by everything that happened fifteen years ago.

"Is this session over?" I finally voiced out.

Taking the decision to eventually see her and having to relive memories I had spent my life trying to block out was so achy. I was fine bottling everything up inside though I knew it wasn't healthy not until now that I desperately had a reason to do this and if this would help, I was willing to go through the pain

I can't lose Christian...I thought to myself.

When I finally took the courage to start this therapy, I had no expectations. I felt it was better that way but there was this hopeful part of me that kept wondering where this would lead me and I would be so glad if I could get the help I needed.

"No it's not" she answered, concern etched on her pretty face as she looked at me "but you spaced out and stopped talking for a long time. I know it must be hard for you but it's good you're letting it all out. But for now, I will like you to relax and feel comfortable telling me these incidents, we will always work at your own pace, remember that" She paused for a few seconds to sit up and then continued "I'm glad you're finally opening up to me, and this will help you but if you find it hard to continue..."

"No, I am fine. I want to Natalie" I managed to say. She nodded and gave me a smile before she handed me a box of tissue, asked me to take my time again and a few deep breaths. I did as instructed, picked a tissue out of the box and wiped the tear off my face I hadn't realised was there.

I watched her movement as she put on her glasses and scribbled something on the small book she usually held, granting myself some sort of distraction.

I had been seeing her for two weeks now. Twice per week. She was young and really good at what she does, pleasant and a good listener too. With time, I got quite comfortable talking with her but it was still so hard.

I couldn't say the same for the first and only therapist I was made to see right after the incident. I stopped going after the first visit without saying a thing about what happened to me or it could just be the reason I had now that was pushing me to give this my all.

She had me breaking down the hard walls I had around my memories or like I said earlier might just be the sole reason I was here in the first place.

Christian

"Are you willing to continue now?" She adjusted in her seat again, now relaxing in her chair and placing her fingers under her chin.

I nodded and took a sip out of the water I was offered.

"So you couldn't get your parents to listen and you eventually had to go again?" She asked looking up at me, urging me to continue. I nodded again, twiddling with the necklace that adorned my neck; a gift amongst other things Christian surprised me with on my birthday last year. I smiled slightly at that memory.

"I guess work stayed at the very top of their priority list at that time" I let out a dry laugh and glanced at the window.

"Okay Dora, tell me what happened during this visit. Like I said before, this will help you to finally be aware that it's something you've lived through and does not represent or dictate your present"