A match made in the heavens: a hazbin hotel rewrite / part two of Shining Star

Angeldust pov: Chapter 20

I just got back from another hellish shift in the studio. I'm tired as hell, but it's too early to sleep. It's only like 7pm. So i light a cigarrette and go to the rooftop to smoke like i always do. But this time, Melody is there as well. She notices me and gives me a simple nod. I lean against the wall-thingy and imitate her posture. She's staring at the scarlet sky. I can tell she's thinking about something when i see something sparkling on her face. She's crying. It takes me by shock and i ask her if she's okay. 

".....i don't know, maybe my job is just messing with me again." This sentence makes me angry. Like, genuinely angry. "What the hell? What do you mean your job? You're just an idol! You should be happy and smiling like always! Look at me! My job! I'm a goddamn porn star! Do you have any idea how tough it is? The abuse? Don't tell me your job is hard when you haven't seen mine. All you have to do is just be yourself!" i yell angrily 

"ああ...あなたも他のみんなと同じです。You really think that?" She says sorrowfully, in a sad yet gentle voice, which fuels my anger until i look at her. She's facing me now, and i look at her eyes. The star in it....it's not white anymore. Its black. "I'm not mad at you. I know you don't understand everything behind the idol industry. But let me tell you it's not that simple. Those smiles? The happiness? Lies, all lies. They aren't that plain. They are a mask to hide the pain. The pain that's killing us internally. The exhaustion, starvation, the sexual abuse from some of the managers....I could go on forever. I don't know about you or other jobs or countries, but that's how it works in Japan. And the fact that we say "I love you" all the time? It hurts, you know? It hurts to want to genuinely, truthfully love the fans and not be able to, all because you don't know how to love anyone except one person." These words replace the anger in my heart with the most sickening guilt. 

"Im sorry." I eventually choke out. She smiles understandingly at me. "It's ok. I know it's hard. But in a way, we're both the same. We suffer the same fate. We both experienced trauma in work yet when we try to climb out of that pit, we fall in deeper and deeper. It's ok." She says as she turns to leave. "Enjoy your night."

"Wait." I stop her. "About that one person you genuinely love. Who is it." I want to know because to be honest, I can relate really well. I don't truly love anyone, not my clients, not Husk, nada, except one person. Molly, my sister. My twin sister that i miss so much. I don't know where she is and i don't think she's even in hell, actually. If she's in heaven, then i'm happy and that's good for her. But i do miss her with all my heart for she was the only one i truly loved. I snap out of my thoughts as Melody answers me. "I think it's best if you don't find out. But she's in heaven, and i love her so much." 

"Oh, okay then. Thanks for that." She leaves the rooftop. Thank you. Those two simple words that said everything i need to. Thank you for opening up my eyes to reality, thank you for letting me know that i'm not alone, and thank you for giving me hope and encouragement  to redeem myself, thank you for letting me know again, why i'm here. Thank you, Melody.