Billie eilish images

PRBLMS

I've been having some bad sh issues. I was 100 days clean on the dot then my life went downhill now I can't stop

I just want to be held

Trigger warning SH - detail

(Old draft)
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Y/n pov:

I lock myself in the bathroom and grab my blade, I start doing it where is possible idc if anyone sees, I wanna feel better.

After I finish I use some rubbing alcohol and wrap some bandages around it. I look into the mirror and watch tears fall down my cheeks I have the urge to do it again because it feels like I haven't finished my goal of doing what I wanted to accomplish.

My mind starts racing idk what to do or think

I get pulled out of my thoughts when I hear the door starting to open, I quickly pull up my sweatpants and turn around, quickly wiping my tears and putting a smile on my face

"Hi baby" I tell her
"I know what you was doing" my heart drops at her sentence and I feel my chest get tighter
"Honey its ok, I'm not mad I just wished you stopped doing it"

I point to my chest and hold it
"It's ok baby I understand" she says sitting down on the floor sitting me down on her lap

"Can you tell me what colour that is?" She says pointing to a towel
"White"

"Good job baby"

She continues to do this for another 3 minutes helping me calm down

"You're ok princess, I got you" she says rubbing my back and kissing my head

She picks me up and lays me down in our bed, she's sat next to me whilst I'm looking at the ceiling. She holds my hand rubbing the back of it

"I'm glad I caught you, I know what you're like when you're like this. You could of ended in the hospital my love" I nod my head at her

I just stare at her and have no thoughts in my head. It feels empty

"Wanna go for a car ride? Ik you like those, and it's night time so it'll be even better" I nod my head and a little smile comes onto my face

"There's that pretty smile" she says kissing my cheek

I get put some sweatpants on and an oversized shirt on, I get my shoes on. Billie comes downstairs and grabs her keys, we go to her car and get in

She puts on her playlist of songs we both like and roll the windows down. We start singing whilst driving through the outskirts of my home town. She drives me to a look out point that's a 20 minute drive and we both get out, sitting on the car bonnet. She wraps her arm around my waist pulling me closer to her, I rest my head on her shoulder whilst we watch the stars

"I love you so much" bil randomly says

"I love you too" I say with a small smile

After a while we start driving home again, this time sitting in silence, she holds my hand whilst she drives knowing I love physical touch. Once we get home we get do our bedtime routine and get into bed, she cuddles me and we both fall asleep

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I relapsed again todayyyyyyyyyy

I'm on antidepressants. Makes me feel so numb